Saturday, December 30, 2006

What a Beautiful way, to Welcome a NEW YEAR...

 Ball DropWhat a YEAR, it has been!  Wakka Wakka

         Normally, I'd be on the pity pot. However, this change time, I am profoundly excited. Granted, I lost my Daddy/a-n-d , Marilyn, BUT, in the PAST, I'd have gone to the plops over it!! This time of surreal predicaments, I have found a ground to actually STAND on!!  There are NO DRUGS , ANYwhere in my life. Now, granted, I still indulge in a beer, here and there...still, it is done QUITE responsibly!

          I have found a job, that I am most tickled with:) It , is, at Burger King, and it provides me with an array of alter job descriptions, which, in turn, make it NOT a bore. Besides, the others , whom I work with , are as off kilter as I am, and we , actually have a blast! I, AM convinced, my Daddy is quite proud, for I have held it, AND blossomed within it, for OVER , three months, and there isn't an end in sight. Yo!, The LORD ain't done with me YET!! For, I doNOT drive, and all is in harmonious walking distance of my home/my childrens school/ my Babes Y.M.C.A.! That, is where they are bused to, after school, so that I may provide.

         These people, INCLUDING the school, are so helpful, and WHY?, is because they are PROUD of the progress I am EARNING, for THE first time in my life.Please, permit me to go ONE further...!  Upon returning from a Beautiful , candlelit Vigil, at our Church, and, after they placed cookies for Santa/Cocoa 2, and, whilst I prepared the Turkey, for Christmas dinner, a school bus and a pick-up truck, pulled up in front of my house! UNfortunately, I pondered , "MUST BE NICE TO HAVE $$$." I, went back to the Bird, and, in a few secs, a knock came upon our door, and BELLS, like ALL git out!I opened the door, only to be greeted by a FULLY CLAD Santa, and nineteen Elves! "Holy Shit!," was all I could pop off with. Then, Santa smiled, and asked, "WHERE is Ashley and Megan?"       "They're asleep, " I replied. "WAKE 'EM UP!", I was instructed. So....I DID. It seems, they put in SECRET Santa wish lists at school, and THIS, is what became of it. HE, and his Elves, marched in , and dumped presents , GALORE, all over our couch!! The girls/ME- were STUNNED! He bid us a Happy/Merry/Health Holiday Season, and bugged out. My children, opened ONE GIFT, marveled at it, STILL SHOCKED, and went back to bed, ILLUMINATED with magical fervor and amasement!

                   Truth be told, this WAS , THE, Most exciting Christmas, we've EVER spent. A couple of days , later, we received a call from , Kathy, at Dunmore Elementary School, asking , IF the children got what they wished for, and were they happy?! "HAPPY?", I exclaimed, they are STILL Rocking!!!!!!!! I explained , how I wished to write a story for the NewsPaper, BUT- she asked me NOT to, for THIS, Secret Santa, one time a year, does this for THREE families, and, does it for the sake of helping others, Worthy, deserving, and less fortunate, and IF- I was to reveal this...TOO,many, would be knocking his door down.I understood, beyond the shadow of a doubt, and , asked, "May I write, Directly to HIM?" Kathy said yes, and that she would make sure HE gits it.

         May The LORD , Bless HE and HIS family, and, may he know how wonderful, he helped GOD!

          Tomorrow, is New Years Eve! My children and I, are Quite blessed. We, have earned Good Friends/People/FAMILY members, ETC! I, shall adore, to spend the Evening, safe, Grateful , and at home with my Family, as we observe the Ball, drop, in a way, I NEVER knew was possible.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

The Amount of Beauty, I was NOT ready for.

 3D SantaHello- 3D Magical Snowman,

                       I, am  not sure , how this pose is gonna go. I was just informed, my wish for text, cannot be applied?! So- - - - -Here goes.

               Lately, I have been experiencing some resounding instances! For the first girls and I , dedicated ourselves, to our Churches , 1ST, LIVE Manger display! It consisted of three sheep, and a small, grey, FUZZY donkey, named "Noah." Due to the participation of the human entities of our Church Family, we were also, able to include 3Wise people, three Angels, the Baby Jesus, and Mary and Joseph.

              Now, Harrison Ave., an Avenue, which holds a MAJOR traffic route, has NEVER afore, seen ANYthing like this! Thanks BE- we had proper bars, to keep the livestock safe.As we cascaded into the grateful procession, I observed , both , Church members, as well as passers by, delve into tears. It T-O-U-C-H-E-D, people , Deeply, in a neighborhood, that has so much traffic, that of the drug kind, as well, and they found a sense of solace, HOPE and Peace. I, was a part of ths, including my girls! Lemme tell Ya something! BACK in my day, I'd have had NO desire to take part in something like this! I, was , simply TOO busy, with less important things, that, "I," found to be better??!  BUT, this time , around, I took GREAT Joys, in sharing such a profound collection of "Loving Substance!" THIS- "WILL," be something I had NO chance of recalling back upon, in my life! My children, will, NEVER forget this.As well, neither , will I! THIS, was a cherished memorie, that I gave myself, and my kin, the chance to revel in. NOPE- I, am NOT trying to claim GREATNESS!! I, am simply sharing some facts of my existance!

           Please, let me share, how flippin' tired I am! I, have been going 24/7!! A single Mother, attempting to prepare a Christmes, worthy, as well as, go figure, sustain a placement in our society, withOUT a credir card, to shine some kinda worthwhileness, in a comunity that is HEAVILY padded with sizeable bank accounts. Aside from, this is The 1ST Christmas, I am spending without the safety/love net of my Daddy. Pardon me, but , I haven't got SHIT to feel I have to fall on, as I have for 42 years of my existance! Awe, skrew! The FACT of the matter, IS, we adjoined Church, yet again, this morn, as my girls and the rest of the shorter peoples, orchestrated a program. that was profoundly, WELL delivered! AND, guess, who the boink , showed up? ALAN!

                  Yes, I AM a pathetic putz! The girls, wished him to be able to view their promotion, and the wretch said YES! I, did NOT transport him!! He got there , on his own steam. And, after he ceased to enjoy the after feast, as I aquired a DElectable dessert of peanutbutter/chocolate succulent, and returned to the table, I , was informed that, "Daddy LEFT- he has to see The Steelers play!" No Good-Bye! NO, nothing.! Skrewball, ME- found my heart hurt??! Jeepers, I should KNOW , BETTER, by now!Perhaps, I was a tad bit EMBARRASSED! Our congregation, are NOT, fuckin' blind! Awe- plop!

              THE cool thang, was , that, one or four, approached me, and stated their praise of me?!! I, was commended , for the proper way, the girls acted, as well as, the fact I DIDN'T flatten/accepted him, to where he SHOULD be!EHY!- nothin' GOOD, comes EASY! At LEAST, I'm trying.

            Ya know, I believe, he- would like to rule the world.Thank GOODNESS, he doesn't HAVE the stuff!AND- thank GOODNESS, neither do I! NOT, that I'd wish to.Still, I embraced the Beauty, of this Marvelous regimine of time. It will NOT , be forgotten! And, neither will YOU.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

I, am NOT sure , what to make of it , all.

Permit me to begin. My children, and I, were enraptured, by a resounding Church service, that encompassed, FOUR Baptisms. The, entire service, was a delightful listen.It, was, also, followed, by an uncanny Bible Study/ nibble emporium!   During the study process, I , had uttered a statement or two, touching on the subject we were reflecting upon.

           I, kept it quaint. However, a stout gentleman, happened to agree, with something I had uttered, and gave me praise, saying, "I feel we should listen to the mouth..." TRUST me, he meant nothing , but to shine on the fact, that a site was to be reflected on by mouth! The poor man, turned seven shades of crimson! I, TRIED to REassure him, I'm not , that breakable, and KNEW , exactly where he was coming from.  However, he seemed to feel the need, to apologise, seventeen times?!      Being ME- I stated, "PLEASE, doNOT git yer panties into a bunch!".... the entire room, became  elated with gentle laughter:):)

               We, then , continued, on a topic, of, "What WILL you do...when it's the last second, and, WHY?" NOW- THIS, is just between you and I.  My statement, proclaimed, what is DEEPER, than our Totem Pole, of material plop. "It delves, deeper than that!" I, exclaimed. BOTTOM line, we had a Heaven of a discussion! It ended, with a lovely cessation, whilst, Sharon, ONE of our teachers, closed with a bag of "Godiva,chocolates," for each one of us. I haven't salivated, as of yet, one of the lovely morsels, BUT...     The DREAM, of when I DO, makes me giggly:)-

             Later, this day...Ms. Marshe, stopped by, with an artificial TREE! Christmas, of course. The girls and I, reveled, in placing it UP! As, I RAN for the kindred decorations, we have kept , for YEARS-...I found, that , most...are GONE! ALL, the "Babys' FIRST/"The ones they made in school/the ones, I assisted, with my gift of crochette, have been TOSSED??!

           Women and gentlemen, I bit my fucking tongue OFF!  The girls, and I, dressed this little TREE, like we were awaiting The Pope! I, do NOT mind, promising, that, it looks FANTASTIC!!!!!!!! Those PRECIOUS children, KNEW- what was missing! However, they kept , good composieur, and felt like The BOMB, after they did so WELL!- - - - - - - -My EX-yetstill- husband, when I had to depart for 4 months, made sure he tossed 1/2 of me/US!  The GOOD Book, says, to turn the other cheek. And, so I shall!  As, I shared in Bible Study- For the FIRST time in my life, since mt Daddys' passing, {he was a care taker!} I, am standing on the ground, somewhat, ALL by myself, without, a safety net. And, for the first time in my existance, I feel as broad as Sampson! In the past, MOST of it....I , always felt, someone was going to pick me UP.  Now, KNOWING, that that luxury, has passed...I'm NOT - relying on someone to pick my ass up! This- - - - is on, ME!!!!!! Therefore, it's my chance., to buck the fuck UP, and get a spine!

            After, the girls and I, completed The TREE, it was time for BED! One, accepted it, wonderfully! The, other, ranted like a Viking in Heat! Usually, due to my own exaustion/ETC., I'd have gone O-F-F! YET, my progress, has paid off. I/my, tone, remained calm??! GOTTABEGOD,  and I didNOT whallope, NOR did I lose it! I, kept my voice at an even keel, and , embraced her, KNOWING, she was SOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo OVERtired. At the END..., the Viking, wished a drink.              Recalling, Marilyns' ridgedness, I paused.....                    and , in a few, came in with what she wished.  At THIS , moment, they both lay resoundly quiet, and UNharmed. THIS, gave me leighway, to conclude the preparations, we have done so well.

                  At , THIS point, I must bid you ado. My, responsibilities, require, that I disconnect the lights, from afront the house. I, need to tickle the cat, and BREATHE, afore I attempt sleep. YEP- I'm a person, whom has warped the system. BUT-, you can kiss my buttercup, if Ya think, I don't have something wonderful to offer! I'm, NOT, in the LEAST , requireing any promise of payment! Being, the way I am becoming, is priceless! THIS, is WHY, it's so fun to BE like. UNCONDITIONAL- what a HIGH!  I, USED, to, inject , 80 units, into any vein I could locate:( Simply, to feel SOMETHING????????>! OR- else NUMB, all I DID feel. What A waiste!      I, observed, others, attempting, to locate a sound , administeration point, in their breasts, ETC>! Who, the plop needs, THAT kind of escape? IT- is NOT an escape! It's a TRAP, MOST, canNOT git outta!!!!!!!!!!!  

                   WHY, do SO many, adore, U2? They sing, and for GOOD reson, what we lost the ability, to be able to say/sing!

Friday, December 8, 2006

Life, STILL, continues to amaze me...

...because, for most of my life, I was the , Most rebellious twerp, You'd a EVER met!Yet- durning the h-e-l-l, I put MYSELF , through, sumpthin' happened?!! FINALLY, I changed me stuff??! I, look at things, with SUCH , different eyes!

          Allow me to be, more exact. "Burger King!" Now, most would find it to be a menial placement! However...I find, that , I am part of a TEAM, whom supplies the world, with a Substantial neccessity! Have you taken the time, to ponder, how , VERY important , "Burger King," IS?!! WAY, many, RELY, on what we have to offer, as a needed PART, of their lives! I, have become a companion, to REGULARS! We, have become, known to eachother, on a FIRST name , basis! Besides, I , AM, part of a machiene, that needs, ALL participants, to, ROCK, so the mechanism doesn't fail, nor, fall lacksadaisical!

             NOPE- this is NOT Rocket Science! OR- is it?? This , is, a WELL oiled productivity line, that supplies the WORLD, with a meal! , when they dearly require it!FIRST, I am finding, "it's ALL , HOW one looks at it!" Second, I, am providing a neccessity, and being, Heaven Proud of IT!

           More, and more, they are allowing me to work the cash register. THIS way, I git to meet, SO, many people, and the managers, whom watch CLOSELY, at my delivery, shake their heads , and giggle:)- During , THE, MOST, pressing flow of patrons, I, am dutiful, on the grill/buns:):). AND- I  do it , WELL! I, am winning, even though my Daddys' wife , told me I KILL, everything I love!

         It , IS, The Christmas season. I, SO, totally dig it, for , THIS- IS, the time , where I feel safest of ALL! I, have , {as some would find it,} NOTHING! However, I beg to differ! I, am richer, than the Donald, himself! Trump, that is. Many years, it was by the Grace of GOD, I got through , ANYTHING! "WE, have all been here before!" "Crosby, Stills, and Young."Yet- as I progress, more and more, are becoming PROUD of me, and find , such delight, in assisting my attempt at , WHAT is GOOD!

           Please, may I be more direct. One of the women, I work with, and , her husband, blessed us with a 27 inch , floor model RCA television! FER FREE! They placed it in, and he, transported the living room one, INTO, my Babies room! My, children, are extatic! And, due to my proper behaviors, I, am Grateful! My EX- has some , severe problems, and , DETESTS me, thoroughly, for my progress. THIS- is the man , I , ONCE, gave my heart and soul to. But , the better I grow...the more he stumbles!

             During , the holiday season, I , am expected to allow him to join our circle of blossoming life. GOD, forgive me, but, I am NOT in the mood! My girls, and I, have become , "THE POWER PUFF GIRLS!"     I, am Blossom. Ashley, is Bubbles, and Megan , Is Buttercup!      Alan, IS- Mo JO Jo-JO! The simpleton, obtained, TWO, six week old kittens, as a lure for the girls, and , named one, "Jo-Jo." The OTHER, furry baby, he callls , "Gizmo!" After the Gremlin movie, "I" introduced the girls to! WHY, must, there ALWAYS be some sort of competiton???  Me, personally...find, it's best to breathe yer own , fuckin air!Still, one MUST be , as Christian, as one IS able! JESUS, forgives! If, HE didn't, I'd be in a rutt! However, this flatulent, butt head, takes this to the realms of height!"TURN THE OTHER CHEEK!"

           WELL, I , spose, this is why. FINALLY, my headaches, have lessened, and , I , AM, moving into a realm, this little maggot, canNOT follow. Let me, assure YOU, I , am in NO way, purrrrfect!!!!!!!!!!!!! However- - - - Me Poppy, told me, long ago..."IF, you are doing your best!.....None, can ask ANYthing more of you!"

                  During , this bodaeceous bathroom read....I, have mentioned, that I had led me to a maximum Penetentery! At, the near to the end of my stay..."I, BELIEVE, was the peek of my awareness! THERE, is where I realized, life IS a circle! "It, does NOT begin/NOR end, with me!"MAY, THE circle, be UNbroken!"IF," More , found this to be sincere, perhaps, One, would NOT, spend 45 mins., searching for the remote control, in which to change a channel! WHY, just not, get OFF yer tushie, and press a different button, on the television??!GOD FORBID, but- if one was to eat/survive, back in a NEEDED to EARN what they reaped! just, MY OBSERVATION.

             Thank you, for taking the time, to ponder, "What I think, IF- ANYone Cares!" I, am SO not attempting to write a "HOW TO!" Who the pluck am I? Just another sinner, sharing, is Caring. Peace Be Unto...

Saturday, December 2, 2006

Yer going to have to pick Yer own!

Well, Grace cutt off! The Rolling Stones, have replaced her! I, was NOT in the frame to be braisen! BUT- I am. Not comletely , though. It's The Christmas holiday time. I, can't even pay bills, let , alone surmise gift payments:(. It's cool, though. Christmas, is NOT about, whom can work/eat all day, simply to , grab a sleeping bag, just to camp out for Black Friday??! I, am getting the impression, that it's NOT about the kids, anylonger. It's appearing , to me, like the Parental units, are in competiotion, of whom can OUT-but/provide, gifts of , More stature, than the OTHER parental unit, can!

        Did "U<" get a "WII?" OR- an X-box? I, know of a family, whom PAID for another , Japanees Family, to become American, just , so that, they could obtain, a WII! Boys and girls, what the fuck are we thinking??????????

            Do, you recall, the turmoil, afore CHRISTmas, where , TWO women, whent HEAD-to-HEAD over a Cabbage Patch DOLL????  Have you been consuming?

             Allow me to be a bit , MORE, precise. BREAK! "Elvis Costello!""Puppy Luv!".......Have Mercy, I needed that. Bottom line, where is the love? Whoops- I'm on a roll!

                   Purrrrrrhaps, it's , because, I ain't got a tree!m I have ALL these ormanents, and only a cat to hang 'em on. He, will NOT be pleased! Another aspect of my saucyness, is, it's me first Holiday , without me Daddy.For REAL, fer real, my heart goes OUT to him! It's a bitch...trying to measure up to the others, to obtain the way-coolest SHIT, fer Yer kid...on a fixed budget. The, little buggerboos, go , BACK to school, to, COMPAIRE! The buggers!

             However- I don't give a FLYING fig-neuton, what the fuck, they got, or- didn't!It , is NOT the reason, for THE season! I am certain, THIS, is why, there are SOOOOOooooooooooooo many credit card assemblies, promising, they can make the phone calls , S-T-O-P! I'm not sure , how YOU handle it....but, I'm at the point , of allowing the cat, to answer the phlippin' phone.He just , says meeeeeew, and they hang UP!

                 On a different topic... I'm, NOT, as fantastic, as I'd like to be! I, recently, lost my Best Friend/Daddy. I, was under the impression, I had it going on, and , a Bag of chips. I'm a jerk, for , even fathoming it!N-O-P-E, I, haven't begun a regimine of drug use!! I, gave that crap up, a LONG time ago! Yet- I wish to tell, SOMEONE, this shit ain't easy!

            I, am a single parent, of, TWO- Beautiful young women.BESIDES, I was a real POOP, for most of my existance!! I, for2long, felt, the Universe, owed me SOMEthing! How, could it NOT? I, didn't ask to come into this bullshit!OR- so I thought. Fact of the matter, IS- I can't remember, , ANYthing, afore the time that Marylin, made me last 45 mins, while she slept, and MANDATED me to watch, "Bewitched," twice, as Charles, my Dad, went to work! That horrendouse BITCH, came in, removed me from that horrendous crib/jail cell...,and would , NOT allow me to perspire. I was , WHAT, 2??????She, passed on...June 26th! I, have given it my FUCKING-BEST, to be Christian, about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today... I looked up , toward GOD, and Screamed , "I , owe you nothing!" "You, selfish, selfcentered assholian, that was MOST concerned with what the fucking TAG replied, KISS my ass!"

           PLEAZe , allow me to share something with you. NOT, ONLY, was I not permitted to sweat! But, all the orchestrations , I brought home with childish delight... were NEVER hung!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  They musta been tossed, somewhere! Cuz, "I," never saw 'em , again! They Clashed with the Van Gohe-or, however Ya spell that ARTIST's name.

                  The , Funky thang about it, IS- ...I, am an Artist!So- Vincent, didn't lose his EAR, 4 nothing!When, I went to Prison....truth be told- "I," was the stupid witch, that issued other women , to obtain , their G.E.Ds'! I, helped, teach them to read-to do math, which I despise!-and SPELL- which I ROCK at. My Daddy, was SOOOOO proud, he could have plopped! This putz, couldn't have given a crap!

         At, ONE point, of my existance, I went on the road, with a BAND, as a roadie. On the NIGHT of MY Birthday, I called home. I, said Het Mom., it's my 22 B-Day! She, said, "no it's NOT!" "I, should know!"     "Yer a flaming asshole!", I replied. My Daddy, didn't remember, either!

            So- Ya see where my imbosilic RAGE, stemed from?

Monday, November 27, 2006

Just a mere thought process...

I, had a GREAT day, today. What I am curious, of, IS, why the fuck do I continue to dwell?!

            I am making , some resounding , leaps and bounds, within my life! Still- I get my self, all wrapped up in segments of plop??! I'm a bleeding  heart, that should be slapped!

         Allow me, to be somewhat , more, dirrect. Alan calls me, this evening. He states, that he shall have , two kittens, in his possession, come Sunday. ....I couldn't HELP, but to point out, that, these furry children, need LOVE, {which he knows NOTHING about, and CARE!}                "Calling Elvis, is anybody home."

           I, also, stated, "I'm going to be buck-ass honest." "I canNOT allow our Children, to his apartment, in which to enjoy these kittens, WITHOUT me, EVER, again!" He, proclaimed some stoute adjectives , at me, and asked, WHY? "Well, your choice in sexual partners, need be taken into DEEP consideration!" PLEASE, allow me to state, inequivically, I, am NOT a saint! However, I'm NOT banging , ANYone, and I, fer sure, aren't applying them to the Children!

         "IF," I am inconcise, with this train of thought....someone wake me up! However, I'll be dag-nabbitted, if I'd allow some woman, to call MY wife, to ask her to help me , protect her from my psychotic husband!!!!!!! I told her, quite simply...."Ya REALLY need, to lay off the booze!" Social drinking , is ONE thing. Sound , and repetitive slamation, IS, another. "THIS," is why, Ya'll can't git -r-done! Talk about , Yo-Yo, action! He, doesn't enrapture this , either.

        Please, I , am NOT any kind of a gem!!!!! Yet, at least, I am attempting, a strategic line of thought dirrection, that allows me to ...come OUT , hopefully, nearer to the top of the pile. YEARS, ago, I'd be acting awry, such as they ARE. Thank , GOD- I am reaching, NEW plateaus, I , figured, I had NO chance of meeting.

               Whilst I was at work, of my CO-workers, made a statement. She , wished, to Major in psychology. Yet, she withdrew, for, she didn't feel, it was worth it, "YEARS included.", that all THAT effort, was, worth, "HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?" Which, we ALL know, are ONE of the flavorite questions, possed upon us, during a session. "LIKE, the FUCK, I haven't ASKED , myself, THAT, 4000 times!" Lemme, add another, INescapeable factor. AFTER, they bring one, to the pinacle of , some, height of DEEP, mental trauma, and , Yer delving..."Well, our hour has laspsed. We'll take this UP, NEXT week, at 3:15 P.M.!" I'm so darned glad, you REALLY cared, the check is in the mail!

          I'm sorry....if I have left Ya , but- I have to go to bed. Besides, this isn't YOUR's MINE!

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Just a note-

I have GOT to go to sleep, SOON! The fact of the matter, IS- I ache from the inside. This human being, is a tripp in herself! However, she has a pulse and a heart, that beats soundly.

           I have so much to offer. Yet- I am so flippin' wrapped up in what is felt, I become to be squished, mentally/ emotionally. Tomorrow, I must rise earlier than I wish 2. So , that my girls can swim like champions.Megan, is quite content at the fact, that she can hold her own in the water! I, do NOT blame her, for I cannot even fathom the sight of drowning! Burning, gets me goat, as well.

          Yep, I AM short! However, I am in continuation of stature. Those girls, are following in procession, VERY well.

          I have these neighbors, accross the street. They have , more $$ than GOD! For, some odd reason, just cuz they know I have , what most would find to be Nothing- simply , because I have lit my area a bit, for the Holidays....they, for the first time in three years, clad their house , like nobodies buisness??!!!! Awe least , I turn mine OFF, by 10ish.On off days.They , have obtained this snowglobe, which they choose to leave on, ALL day , long?!! WHY?, I haven't the foggiest. For instance. THIS evening...they are NOT home. Still, they are lit up like a Christmas Tree in HEAT! WHY, the jaunt?

              Allow me to be , MORE specific. Two years , ago, they put in an INground pool, accompanied by the entire , back yard emporium! I, had, my usual puffy pool, and a few toys. Their child, during the instalation, came, and was welcomed.YET- after the completion of their thang, NEVER once, did they invite us to invade their new found aquatic pleasures!

           Two years, after- - - -, "Carly, do you wish to come , and swim?" ................"Awe, thanks, BUT- it's a bit , too deep for us!" I, just can't figure , everyone! This crap, reminds me of Marilyn.At least, she didn't allow me to grow to 180 lbs.!, at the age of 9!

             Wanna know, something that assists me to continue, with this Burger King job? Besides, the fact that I , haven't crashed and burned, as of yet........I'm getting , a WHOLE kick, outta the fact, that I haven't the need to kiss , ANYONES ass.I do , the best , that I can, and for the first time in me life, I actually, shut up, fer a few.UNTILL- I find the NEED to EXplode. Thank GOODness, it comes at a time, when all are as tired as I am. I, am finding, that the BEST one-liners, are , BEST delivered, at an ironic point of suppression.I, ask your forgiveness, but- those facial expressions, come into formidible play, whence possitioned elloquently!One of the masters, almost made a BOO-BOO.Timing, is , of , THE Uttmost personna-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          YES! I, believe, it's time to level me! I, Thank you, for allowing me to spend some time with you. Peace Be Unto...

I'm tired, but , I am still breathing.

I, Must apologize, for my ,former logg. I, was hurt and Angry. I, am short. And, I am still searching for truth! I'm , NOT going to fib to you...I was plotzed, as well. However, that rightly makes no difference. It's MY book, and if you do not wish to come in, then, that's on you!

           I, have spent , way, too much time, on escaonig all reality, in some of THE most ironic ways, possible, for a WHOLE lot of years!Still, this is me FIRST Holiday season, I have come upon, without my Daddy, on the planet. One, would find this to be less aggitating?! Farfigneugon, now he can see all, I hid so well!

           There is NO espcaping. Fact of the matter, IS, why did I? OH!- like he didn't realise? He, DID!Shit, lemme tell Ya- my daddy , lies at rest?!! at the bottom of my hill, of , where I live with the last of our family.I have a son. But- I don't think he can orchestrate another son, for, I paralized him.He has the YEN, but , not the delivery:( I have Gail/Stormie, to latch on to. B-U-T-, from afar. Me, poor cat, is getting sick and old, to have me smother him in relentless shows of mauling affections!

        Look. I am NOT trying to plead pissant! THIS, is me first adventure of , sound attempt, to furthur meself. I, have a job...I am , actually fullfilling it, but - holy-hobinieros-this way of life is QUITE foreighn to me.

           Let us take, Thanksgiving, for instance. I got deadly ill, two days, afore. I had a temp., of 104.8. I, was a bit OFF beat.Still, I cptured The Lords' grace, the night , afore T-Giving, dressed the Turkey, and - - - -got up at 5ish, and placed the Bird in the oven, only to fill this "small," house with the fumes that would have gagged Rumple-Stilskin. I, came to find, my cat, "being spade," obtained a woody.I, had trouble breathing!

        Point being, we searved up , a MOST , Tasty MEAL. To, where, my EX-husband, had NO part in, skrew my illness! I, covered mega bases. At the end of the FEAST- - - -I required him to hook up the dishes. - - - - - - - - - kiss my .....go blow y0urself, is ALL I had to say.

            Gentle women/men, that are paying attention to this bathroom reader,....I , MUST git some sleep. THANK you, for taking the time to EVEN peek!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

I, am at a fallsafe!

I, have been robbed of this excellent aparition of sentiment. I, was relying on it, like no bodies buisness! My monitor, collapsed! However- I have found a colourless replacement for it. HEY!- at least I can access my way of expression!

         I am GLADDENED, to have me waves beneathe me, once again. It is that time of year. Thanks Giving! This, past year, I have lost , me Daddy, and his witch. This Witch, I tried, desperately, to have find me worthy of loving! Awe, what the fluck! She, couldn't even dig , herself, let alone, me! I, USED to do some serious drug activity. However, I have two, beautiful daughters, now, and they have been placed in my care. I'll be darned, if I'm going to skrew 'em up, like Marilynn, did to me!!!!!!!!!!

          Peoples, I don't have much! BUT- -I've got WAY more than MaRILYNN , ever had!Mrs. Gerchov, had nothing butt- a whole bunch of hatred/and angers, to play on anyone, whom would succunb to listen!I. shall NOT, reentry that kind of lunacy, to MY Babes!

               Allow me to explaine. Last Friday night, I was told by their dad, he wished to have them for , YET, another weekend!I, am Blonde, yet- only dye it THAT coloure.Come Friday. . . . ."daddy, when shal we come?", was Ashleys' question. " I said NEXT weekend!" was his response. Yet, again, he faultered. However!, we had THE most delectable Friday night, I feel, there ever was! We , were allowed, to have THREE other Cherubs, spend the night, baked Bananna Bread/Fudge/Peanut butter/Caramel Brownies, AND played countless bouts of Charades! YES, Dearest peoples...THIS, to me/they, was a reputable memory, that cannot be corralled!This mother, lost his judgement day!

            I MUST say. . . . he, actually, didn't loose. I, am skirving too close to my own death. At night, I require medicines, to allow me to sleep, withOUT hearing my lungs , wheeeeeeeze, let alone, shut down. As well as, at work, I take breaks, to permit me to catch me breath.You ask. . . . WHY?, Well, lemme tell ya! I was a royal imbosile, when I was younger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I , allowed myself to do these drugs, that. AT THE TIME, appeared to do nothing! 'Cept, relieve me of reality.The , simple fact, that I escaped dire MURDER, is, alone, a feat! THE fucker of it all- - - - as I have located a sound reality of a reason to progress. . . . I, have come to find... I am quite sure, I am incapeable of susutaining. Ain't life a bitch?!

              I, have come FULL-THROTTLE, to, where, I have EARNED a chance to be someone prominent! And, since I have FINALLY found this resevouire, I haven't the allotted space, in which to fullfill it??!! I, finally, figured something fan-fuckinm-tastic, and my time has been cut short??!!

              Ya know, I've been scribing to Ya, fer more than a moment.he fucker , IS, I ain'y got , that many more. NOPE!- Doctors have NOT made the registered prognosis. I'm not THAT stupid! Yeah!- I cannot take the time to git-r-done at the facility!!!!!!!!!!!!!- =- - - =- BUT- - -  when one canNOT breathe', . . . . . need I say MORE?

          THE coolest part of it, IS- I have been alotted ENOUGH time, to minister to my Children.  These young women, will NOT forget, what I stood for!They, ARE- already Gittin'-R-Done!There, IS- a statement! "IF," you donot stand for something/ you will fall for it ALL!      MY Babies, shjall NOY faulter!

Sunday, November 5, 2006

I. am glistening shock!

As Fall , sets in, and winter peers out, I have come to have an additional cherub, in our midst, this weekend. There is a task, I , help to provide, whenever I can, {lots}, where I orchestrate Christmas bags, by drawing on 'em, for the prisoners in the Lackwanna  County Jail. These bags, are given to Human beings, at a point, where, too, much, means shit.  They are filled with desireable snacks/shampoos/socks/paper, pens, ETC.! The outside of the bags, are enscribed with delightful, promising drawings/statements... of the artistic kind.

         In having , all these cherubs , at my reach, I asked 'em, IF, they'd like to help me with something Special?! A resounding , "YES," is , at the Least, what I got! I have these Babes, STILL, drawing/statement etching, their hearts wonders, for someone else, but themselves! Talk about, "Outta the mouths of Babes!" Don't THINK, I'm not graspning at the ability, to cook 'em a sound meal from love! By the Hand of GOD, I have all I which to do so.

         I have my times of certain distress/wallows, ETC., but- today, I have more pleasures in the happenings, as well as, my desire to paint them, than, I have ever had! NOPE!, I'm NOT perfect! MUCH work, still needs be done! However, my Daddy, can, in ANY way, be peeved at me. OH!- I'm sure there a few pepper curnels he WILL pick outta fly poop! BUT-, for the most part...I- - - am helping him to smile! I scared the plop outta him, 4 2 long! It's MY turn, to give back a bit! NOT, ONLY 4 him! This time, it's for everyone. May the circle of life , NOT begin-nor end with me. It IS so much more than such plop.

         Nope, I'm NOT trying to illumilight me own status! BUT- there is nothing, flippin wrong, with a person, finally , figuring OUT- that they are NOT a jerk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, November 3, 2006

It's history, Repeating itself...

It's , almost ironic. Megan, has developed , some kind of insatiable bug, that is ripping her to shreds. Megan, is my youngest, daughter. She, is also , equipped with a shunt, due to her Daddys' manhandling , at 34 months of incubation, within me. She was enduced, for birth, and the path she travled, was SO turmultuous, she blocked her fontanelle, and, in order to drain her brain fluids, without, exploding her head, allows her to drain these excess fluids, through a rubber tube, surgically placed in her skull. and , traveling down her inners, reaching her tummy, wrapping up, some 24 ft., so as to dispurse the excess fluids, that she can release, during her excrament , as she urinates!

                  There are certain signs of it's failure, some, being, lethargecy/head-aches, / vomiting, Etc.! She, in the past few days, have displayed ALL of 'em. However, I have been told, there is a virus, running amuck, that show the same signs.

         Me, like a jerk, called her dad, to alert him, and {NOT that I'd have enjoyed his presence,} told him wazzup, and she begged him to come and console her.  His response, was, "Ya got my cell #, if it gets worse, call me, and I'll git a ride!"

           Am I a REAL imbosile? I, am sure, she will make a resound recovery...........BUT- WHAT kinda man?, would pose such a careless sense of parental xare, as that? All she wished, is for him to be by her side! THIS- was going to put a wrench in his jollies. He's lucky, he didn't wish to arrive, for, i'D HAVE PUNCHED HIM DEAD IN THE FACE.

          For anyone, whom chooses to read this... PLEASE- allow this to be a sight for you, that, IF- anything like this , creeps up , upon you and those , whom you supposidly CARE for, - PLEASE. doNOT burry yer face/heart, away from those you helped create. "IF," someone, has done this to you, NO NEED, to keep the evil going! You may break the soundboard, at ANY time you choose! ALTER the BAD habits. PLEASE-

               Megan , IS going to be fine!GOD, isn't through with her YET! And- I am NOT going to leave her ass to flail in Da wind! Had it done to me, NOW- it's MY turn, to REdirect the tables! Alan Leigh Dennis.............I can ONLY hope, your eyes, FINALLY , come to form, of the heart HE gave you. You, use it, when it's MOST convenient,otherwise, yeran ASSHOLE! May God have pity , for a soul, withso much turmult, and give you 1/2 a chance. Alan, yer pathetic!

In, somewhat. of a state of shock...

There is SO much, going on in my life, right now, that, I allow it to warp me a bit. HEY!- I USED to think , I was Wonder Woman... I , simply don't, anylonger.

        I have begun, and NEW job, and, {laugh if you wish,} a big deal to me. I'm gonna put it on the table! It, is "Burger King," and, the throng of UNending thrush, is whoopin' my ass. Ya know, I was on the waiting list , for SSI! However, I was denied, and , IF, I don't kick butt, we go hungry, Bow-Bow_Bow!!!!!

         The fanatical part of this, IS, no matter how much it depleats me, I fuckin' DIG that I , have , secured  another day , under me bely, and, I have a hoof UP , on Alan. Is THAT sick, or WHAT?! That m&fer, said I couldn't do it? Skrew you , bud, I shall NOT faulter! My children, are so VERY proud of me, and we stem, towards a REAL plateu' of realizations/acceptance/HUMILITY! For the first time , in my life, I CAN go peaceably! I have no shames left! A bit of idiocy, but...

           Through the Web, I have been introduced, to a few , righteous people. There, are some, whom, haven't even, heard of my existance! Yet, they respond to my world-wide sends, as if I were something special. For, 2 many years , I simply thought I was a YUTZ! For REAL, fer real, I certainly acted as such! Still, a friend sent me this send, which states, "For those, who think GOD has NO use for you." It, was actually, a joke, however, it made wholesome truth!  There IS, H-O-P-E, for us ALL! The LORD, don't make no junk! For Goodness sake, if we were all spectacular, why would HE have sent His Only begotten Son, to SAVE us from the materialistic crap, we allow to corrupt us?

            NOPE!- I'm not trying to jam Religion down Yer throat! However, what I AM professing, is that I, "AM," living proof, that the Hope of Spirituality, IS reachable!!!!!!!!!!!! It's, to me, kinda -sorta , like the Indian recollect! One does NOT take, UNless, one has reservations, to do all in ones strength, to give BACK.NOTHING, comes easy, nor, for free!!!!!!!Ya put Yer ass/heart and soul, into anything...........Yer gonna git something{especially if one doesn't require,} something Amazing, back! Your reflection, will speak wonders to you.

             As you WELL know... I have said Asta Manianna', to my Daddy. It still buggs me out! However, for however I , long, I spent , driving him NUTS!- I am on the cusp, of making him, finally , realise, I'm a friggin' tripp, and , I have more strength in me little finger, than-SOME, have , in their WHOLE bodies. I had it , all along. I , just didn't know it. Now, doNOT allow yourself to feel I am tooting me horn, like all Git out! I am NOT! But- for WAY to long, I succumbed to shit, I didn't deserve! THEN- I placed a heapnig spoonfull, of my own , on me.I figured, Best I cream myself, afore I give YOU the chance to.You, THINK, you can burry me? I got Ya BEAT!

          O.K., the wind has left my sails. THIS, was devistating , for me, and I'm REAL glad I spilt it!However, at this point, I am emotionally exhausted, and I require a break. Peace OUT...


Tuesday, October 31, 2006

I could NOT be , more Grateful...

Is everybody Dead? For the first time , in my life, I, am NOT!   I, was opened, yo, making an elloquent satement, that I wished to share. BUT- I am , just, too tired to continue!zI, do apologise, for the lead, that has NOwhere to go. I give you mt promise, to envelop ALL, at a near, later date. Peace Out...,Willow

Monday, October 30, 2006

It's Saint Hallows Eve...

Am I , a bit off? Indeed I am:)- THIS, is mischief night! Ya wish to know, what , I am being mischievious , about? "Celeb-fuckin-bration! Yes, peoples, my house looks as if a neuclear BOMB, went off in it! So, be it. My children, are wound up, tighter than eight day clocks. They, are joyous, happy, and FREE! Far be it for me to brag, but they think I'm The Bomb, and they are delighted by this inescapeable fact. I, have , finally, found a ground, in which to PLANT us, and even though, we're NOT purrrrfect, we ARE happy, and striving for rainbows, that have NO ends!

         I, was informed, yesterday, that, as we gathered round pumpkins, in which to illustrate them, LAST year, it was NOT permitted, and I was NOT here, in which to enforce such fun.

           I asked, "what DID Ya'll do?" The response, was , Daddy said we had NO need for Jack-o-lanterns, and took us to bars, for Saint Hallows Eve??!  I gasped, SILENTLY, with shame and pains. However, finding surmounting Strengths, in what all I am striving for , todays! Ashley, assisted, BIG time, in orchestrating, the baggies, which hold the treats for the "Halloweeners," which are , quite welcomed, to come visit...AFTER, we make our own run:)-{ NO bars, included.} I asked, "what did Ya'll git at the bars?" "We got $$$$$." was Ashleys' reply. "So, where did you spend they $$$??', I asked. "Daddy took it." he said we were NOT allowed to have drink or treats. ..."But, he drank, as we were there?!""Put at a table.""

          The cool part of this, is,I have returned , with a heart and soul,....and a creative soul, that INCLIDES , their friends, as well as my, aches, pains AND loving attentions-           I was told, earlier , this evening, that I'd be taken to court.      "Bring it ON, assholian!" People, he's , simply peeved to the gills, that I have ACTUA-found a REAL spine, and don't require his penis to hang onto, ANYlonger! HOW, can a person, claim to be a MAN, that is so profoundly , hideously , affraid, of his OWN presence? THE more, that I conquer, theMORE he shrivels! NOT- my problem. WHERE, WAS, his protruding embolism, when it ranked THE, most  required?

        Pardon my cantor, but, I've had ENOUGH- of some piss ant, trying to rail me! IF, he thinks, what I do my best at doing, doesn't hurt...he can suck my socks! I, pesonally, don't give a rats whisker, HOW mant tubes of wire he construdes. He, continues , to walk away from anything his /MY, Babes require, as well as to place TOO much of his earnings, in calling sexual phonelines, providing all at the bars , NEVER attending , two Precious children, with, perhaps, a shoulder to cry on/a visit to the Doc/Dentist/ a sound mind, to help guide them, when they come -crashing into a situation that poses a threat to their sound way of sight????????!!!!!!!

             "I," am supposed to be the imbosilic creature , that is THE failure? All, I seem to be told/shown, that - I'm the one, whom should be wearing a superhero Cape???? { It;s giving me acne.} I'm just a human! A, tired one at that. The , fucking weird thing about it , is, I'm actually, holding SOMETHING up, to boot?!

              I, kinda-sorta-feel, he forgot ONE , important  fact. I have , one or two, BODACEOUS, spirits, on my side, that will flatten him, in a heart beat. AND- guess what?? Not, all of 'em, are passed On!!!!!He, THINKS , he knows me. He, knows , NOTHING! People, I have graduated. I was, a simplistic burgermeister, for TOO long! FINALLY, I have come , upon, a regimine, of REALIZATION, that, there ARE some things, that, CAN, be changed! I, have been, awarded, A CHANCE! I, decided , to TAKE it."Sometimes, it's easy, to be myself.""Sometimes, it's BETTER, to be , somebody, else."Dave Mathews"

              I, KNOW, there are some SERIOUSLY Important Peoples, whom are reading this! I'm , probably, scaring the shit outta them. "If I'm not being too subtle, PLOP!" THIS, is MY release.I, haven't the funds, NOR the time, to go and visit, these, SO-CALLED, PROfessionals!      So- - I'm , simply. going to let it ALL the fuck out.

            THIS, new Job , of mine, is a fucking tripp! I, am strewn in with a multitude of charismatics. So, I am to, KEEP me head above water. SOOOoooooo, I do. There is , NOT, a one of 'em, whom can even PEG me!!!!!!!!!!! I, am SO , sometimes, silent. SOMEtimes, quirkey.SOMEtimes, OUT of me frickin' mind. They, have, so as I see/hear, that "I am a cracker." i fit in fine....."That's, CHEESE, has slipped OFF, from."WHY? Cuz , I'm ME?    "Waiter, check, PLEASE!"            THAT one , gits a giggle, each time.   WHY, is it, that , we're ALL trying to find, SOME place to , FIT- into????????!!!!!!      I, was Frightened, as to become a WORKER, in an"entourage,"... in a realm of MANY, whom were so Young?! Shall, I have asked..."Crash, into me?"           Allow me to be MORE poignient. There, were , MORE R-E-D-D eyed mothers, with, insatiable munchies, that I could shake a stick at!-TODAY! I, called 'em on it, with TOTAL disreguard. I, was able to obtain, REAL-replies! "YEP!""WE...are slammed!"                "O.K.- whatever." They were SO proud?! I, was disgusted...................WHO knew??!!- - - - -"I" DID!"  How,....was I supposed to find a solemn find, when, ALL I had to work with, were blasted? YO!, Far be it for ME , to DISreguard  attempt, BUT- FUCK- - - WHAT "AM," I fighting 4?"MY," possition, lies , beneath THEM?! AND, THEN, this pisher -shit, wishes to challange me?        SO- Ya see, where I am coming from? The ONE dude, was on Exstacy!EVERYTHING, looked GREAT, to him.{NO doubt, ONE of The Burgers, gave him devistational JOYS!}

         I, am NO prodigy!I, am NOT even , an encomforence of intellect. However- - - - I, WAS, trying to grow, further.

             Stormigail, this shit, IS a , fucking tripp! GOOD thing, I have Reindeer Antlers, to back  my ass UP! Peace Out... BESIDES- these whisker THANGS, that are protruding from my chin...REALLY need to give it a rest!In the sunlight, they , become, BLINDING! They're pissing me OFF!

Friday, October 27, 2006

I, quite rightly, have NO idea!

Good Evening, ALL- I , have so much to spill, it's NOT, remotely humerous! Im not even sure where the fuck to begin!!!!! For REAL, fer real, I haven't the foggiest right to complain!  However, I have located a whole bunch of indescrescions, I happen to own!  TOO, many , find themselves, prominent/succulent/ ETC,! This, is the worst bunch of hoggwash, I have ever seen!!!! We, THINK, we got it going on! We, ARE a bunch of imbosilic morons, We have , fucking NOTHING! I, rightly don't care how big me boopies ARE! I , don't give a plop, how much $$$$$ ANYone has! It, comes from a different place.I, am finding, it comes from the core of especiallity! Why! When! and, WHY?!, {perhaps, how we feel, when we do it.}

        I ran accross this BEAUTIFUL man, playing pool, this evening. HE- IS adoringly , betrothed to HIS woman, and posed NO disgust, toward me! On the contarary, he , reminded me, of , what IS, more important! Proper ettiquette. A, sound form of presentation, that canNOT, be altered, by anyone!"If one , doesn't stand for SOMEthing, one , MUST FALL, for anything."

                This evening, I orchestrated, a -TWO trays- of Rice krispy Treats, for anyone , whom visits our homestead for THE Halloween time! I got a bit, grandiose, for i SECURED THE ARTS OF FOOD COLOURING, AS, as, to eminate the Goblin Headquarters. I, also, included, some odd additives, to secure , their weirdness! It looks, fucking gross! However, it tastes GREAT! They ARE, Goblin Brownies. The chasers, ARE, Googlie -Gooey eye balls!

             It amazes me, how we Humanoids, SO, get OFF, on the structures of Death related scrogg! It, seems, to ignight us. Purrrrrrhaps, it is because......we , would , ALL , like the pain to stop. OR- perhaps, we MISS, all those , whom have been blessed to move ON, afore US!................I , feel the scallops, will be a big HIT, once observed. TOTALLY Gore! WAIT, untill Ya see what I do with the pasghettie!

             With ALL, due respect. I, also wish, to be able tocapture this Gala, on photos! LORD, Please, provide us with film. Thank you....

               If you would permit me,I'd like to close this, fer a sec, with a statement, that stems from my soul. I'm a fucking whack job! However, I'm NOT unwell, and I'm , actually, harmless...............THESE days! I was a pisser, for a whole lot of years. I, was a definate jerk! Addicted to TOO, mant drugs, that, at the time, couldn't EVEN fathom, stemming away from! Lemme see Ya give it a shot, to Attempt , to coerce me into joining Yer drug , enduced realm, I'll fucking Walk Away! I, do NOT give a skrew, if they are . THIS one IS gone!!!!! Oh!, no way, Yer gittin me back, either. Wanna know WHY? Allow me to be MORE specific! Ya'll, steal the HEART of TOO, MANY, whom have a sincere knack, for bringing GAMES. PLEASURES, and-JOYS, to lives, whom wish to progress! I, don'y give a pluck. about Yer agency!! As, you,WATCH us, going DOWN.... you ONLY- reach out for more. WHAT- our life, isn't enough, to for yer income????? Me, pesonally., I wish, Ya'd just flush Yerself!- - cuz, Yer NOT going to succumb me, ANY longer,! Perhaps, this is WHY you can't stand me. HATE ON, assholians, ya lost this ONE!-Anna, I amSOOOOOOoooo tired.Bless ya- Willow-xoxoxoxo


Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Hope and dignity

You'll have to exzcuse me, if my dialect, is a bit off. It's been TOO long, since I've had the ability to write.

        Still, as usual, I have something to say. Perhaps, I should cast it as vent.My world, has taken an ENTIRE , new dimension. My Daddy , passed on. I was blessed , with a new job, that IS kicking me butt, and I have a friend , or 2, whom are plagued with a bunch of life.

         For REAL, fer real, I should have my ass in bed, ASLEEP! BUT- I require a sense of release. SO- I'm taking it.

          I beg your forgiveness, if I sound a weird, but, I AM exhausted, and that's just the way it IS!

           Peoples, I faultered. I met up with this stallion of a man, MANY years younger than me....whom thought I was DElightfull, and I succumbed to his attentions. He , sparkled my daughters hearts, and had me fooled, like NObodies buisness,...then, ran BACK, to an addiction, I couldn't have called if me life depended on it.

            I guess, when one is so alone, one may fall 4 more than usual, and , well, he is , now, REincarcerated??!!!! Being a prior incarcerated , myself, I , JUST ,can't figure! I'd have grabbed onto camel balls, to stay afloat, and , away.......but, addiction , for some, goes deeper than what REALLY makes one tick/smile????! I, THANK Our LORD, I have taken the hint, and have told the MONSTER to go to H-E-double toothpicks! However, I shall KEEP him in me prayers, for the duration of my existance.

         This NEW job of mine... IS a scream! Let alone, it's kicking me physical butt! I do NOT remember, any job, that I have had, that prompts me to REALLY laugh, so much??!! Burger King, Ya gotta be odd, to put up with these peoples! The CO-workers, are a tripp!Once, Ya git yer nitch in there, can actually BREATHE. However, there is this one dude, whom is the HEIRARCHY of the whole scenario??. Truth BE told, he desperately, NEEDS a "sound" ENIMA! GOD forbid, anyone crashes and burns, for he'd be ascared to wrinkle his underpants! Talk about a ridgid , control FREAK- - - - - - PLEASE, someONE give him a GOOD fuck!At least, slap the pee outta him! This crap stain, gives ALL he comes in contact with, a hemmeriod!

              THIS, is NOT for you, today. THIS, release, is for ME! I'm NOT trying to curb my tongue, NOR am I attempting to kiss Yer ass! I'm sending out an S.O.S.- and I can do THIS, 4 it's "MY" book:)- IF, more peoples, were so free, with jotting down what the fuck , they FELT, purrrrrhaps, TOO many drugs, would NOT be suggested! - - - - - - - - -                or needed.

           i HAVE A BELOVED , TWO FAMILY MEMBERS, left- - - - and they are two of THE coolest Women I know. The first one, put up with me,... when NOone , else could figure out how to! ...SHE, is betrothed to another BEAUTIFUL Woman, riddled with cancer, and , at this moment, IN-remission:):):):):):)- She has been graced with a phenominal chance, as to continue.          THEY, are, at this moment, frolicking in , some charismatic scene, TOGETHER, and, finding UNending JOY, in doing so!           - - - - -o.k., back to moi', I have a man, whom I am still enamored by. His name is Elton, and he IS the Daddy of my beloved son. He is struggling for a life, AFTER- - - - I paralized our Son. A , whole lot to swallow! I, was a lot older than him, and he quite , could NOT handle , what all I threw at him. Shit, I'm , still trying to figure it all out! However, he's trying to format, as hard as I am........and we WILL REjoin, once again! I'm trippin on it, though, for I'm freaked out, that I am trying to REbuild something that I SO destroyed! AM, I chasing a remedy? Am , I chasing a fleeting glimps, of , what COULD have been? AM, I chasing , everything??????????? Do, you see , where I am coming from? Being , where I am/was.....I am tender to the aches of someone else......but- I have the fucking fear, that I'm setting myself UP, for another blunder?!

              My DEAR friend, Anna Young, says, I am streatching for someone to hold me, AND, I SHOULD reach forJESUS!!!!!@!Others can , actually , TOUCH HIM! So can I, but it's NOT in the same way???!I , CAN, feel JESUS! However, I cannot, seem to wrap my arms/legs/ BODY- around a spirit,me HEART IS there! ALL of the time?!! I'm such a jerk, for I REACH out to Our LORD, and embrace! Perhaps, THAT is why I am making the progress, that I AM! Still, I have a hard time, responding to NO-"ONE "holding me back, that I can ACTUALLY grasp onto. OH- well- that sounded imbosilic! JESUS, holds US alway/anywhere! BUT- dagnibbit, I require a sound flesh , to encompase!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, at least , I wish to!

          I'm NOT fucking Wonder Woman! I'm a flippin "HUMAN "BEING! And, THAT, is just reality! I, guarantee, I'm GOING to crash and burn, once again! IF, not twice! But, skrew Ya'll, I'm trying ME BEST! And, none can ask, any more , of me!!!!!!!!!! I'll let Ya's know somrthing, RIGHT now! "I'm", me WORST enemy! THINK, Ya can put me down, ANY further than I can, myself- - - - - THINK again! I, connect ALL my dots!onWednsdaysat 3:15!

           ENOUGH said! if I continue, I'm just going to git unneccessarily nasty.  Besides, I'm sick of yelling at people, it's JUST NOT their shit - - -  -it's MINE! However, the NEXT biotch that tries to ream me........I swear, I'll fucking "breathe"- - - - suggest where to go! IF, Y a  argue......I'll toss ya there! Nope, I won't!!!!!!!!!!!! But- - - -  -I'll wish 2:)- Ball's in YOUR court!

Monday, October 23, 2006

Ohmygoodness, Im somewhat back....

Am I going to lie to you? Nope! As the script arrises from whatever , Im NOT sure, for, I dig it, but I did NOT purpously execute it?!  As to the sonds of, "Im not going to fib to you...I'm NOT! This is the first time, my punctuation has workrd in an age!!!!!! I'm a bit obsessive, about the way I compose. Last time, I attempted to git into this realm, mw punctuation was erradict!

        Guess, this is NOT the case, today! 'Tis been QUITE some time, since I've rubbed you. During the absence of me...I have lost me Daddy, gained a job, and have the insatiable tallent, of finding out, that, life and a whole bunch in it, are quirks!

     I , HAVE decided, that, this is MY journal! AND- if I wish to unleash, plop on anyone , whom wishes to depleat my effort. This, is NOT about you............however, if one can benefit from it, WAY cool. As I compose this, from a LONG time ago... The Beatles..serenade my edition. Some of you, whom chose to read it... wouldn't give a flying figneuton. That, is just , fine.  I, happen to know of ONE, or 2, whom enjoy , finding that I still got it , goin on:0

            Yep, I'm a pistole.I, am relesing, FINALLY! So, skrew, if Ya going to git an attitude from it. On Sept. 20th, 2006, I FINALLY, was what me Daddy needed, my hand to his ticket HOME, with GOD. I, had prayed for that, me whole life! I, had wished , to give him something special, without COST/tag! I , had promised him a Jaguar,{his flavorite car.} as soon as I won the Lottery??! Go figure. However, I was BLESSED, to be the other hand he held as he passed on with. Stupid human that I am. Truth be told, he, actually DID care a WHOLE lot about me, and waited until I arrived:)  Ya know, he WAS in excrushiating discomfort, YET- would NOT let go, for he KNEW, I'd be mortified, if I had not been there for him, when he REALLY needed me. He, was ALWAYS, there for me! Most, of the times, he didn't know how to be. But, THAT, is NOT the point!               LORD, this feels great, no matter that I am weaping, ONLY, YOU, Jesus, knows how desperately, I NEEDED to git this shit OUT! As, soon as I have secured an actual job, despite my infimaties, and keep ON, keepin' on, you bless me with the ability, to voice my feelings, once again?!

                      So be it, that, for real, 4 real, I NEED to lay the body down! I am destined , with this prize, to , actually write my feelings, with proper punctuation. Fact of the matter, IS, I NEED to hope, that I WILL have this blessing, tomorrow, for I have a resposibility, to my girls/myself....that includes , work!  This , mandates initiative/responsible sleep! Therefore, I MUST, accept, what needs to be done, for it isn't ALL about what I need!  At least, I obtained a secure release, that provided me with an outlet, fer a sec! May it BE The Lords will, that I may continue, at a later date. IF, anyone is reading this, welcome to my  nightmare, that was postponed. NOT, anyones fault, 'cept 4 mine.

Thursday, September 7, 2006

*Yet, another Test of Stamina....

For Goodness sakes, my keyboard has taken on a mind of his own. I, MUST learn how to type, withOUT looking. THIS, is, the reason, I haven't been wrighting, in so long.

           Perhaps, its because, Im so incilined to use ;PROPER; punctuation. So- I'm going to NOT use any. I aam sorry. But pluck it, I have the deepest desire to share me feelings.

            I have the most devistating realities, coming round, and I'll be darned, if Im going to allow some keyboard, to prevent me from stating them!

           However, its late, and Im just getting used to this sense of typing, so, I hopw Yas gimme a chance to practice. I, cannot say much more, this evening. I am exhausted. Lest, Yas know, I havent forgotten Yas. Please, be patient, as , will I. Yer in me prayers.

Saturday, August 5, 2006


It's five o'clock in Da morn! Me best Friend, found her DREAM house, and she's gonna but it:)!You GO , Ziggie! I've actually, been hibernating from my precious pages.I've been doing a lot of thinking. Granted, I can understand what , all, about me parental units! However, I have some feelings about it! O.K., so Marilyn had some serious disfunctions! BUT- another human being, BOUGHT TO SATISFY HER YEN, seems a tad, bit WARPED.I, am NOT a Y.S.L., shirt! and -that-is all I have to say about it.

          Please let me tell you about Alan:0- It's August, and yesterday, I received , FINALLY, the State Income return. Truth BE told, I signed and was ready to cash it, for I DEARLY find he owes us BIG time. THAT, was my bad!How DARE I, take that sort of liberty??! Mother Nature bit me in the heart, for, when I went to do so, hey asked , "Where IS ALAN?""He's at work." I replied. "Well, he needs to be HERE, in order to cash it!" Months ago, he SAID, it was all ours {the girls and I } YET, he belittled me, AGAIN, as I went to his job, to transport him , FOR 10 MINS., to the cashing emporium down the street from his job. "BITCH- they're going to takr $$$ from it!" Goodness me, $6.00, outta 775.00??!

         NOW! Alan has a CRACK habit, along with his DRINKING. He's gonna take it , for a blow job! OH!- I gave him the check! Signed, sealed and delivered,  Sheesh, he's the one whom EARNED it- BUT- he;s , also, THE one, whom has left his family, bereft! I was enraged! Thank GOD- I couldn't give a rats wisker, right about now, for , I, and the girls, are FAR , better off, than he EVER will be.

         My Daddy, is making a resound comeback, in his health. Perhaps, since Marilyn is GONE, he can actually BREATHE. He , is attending therapy, EVERY SINGLE DAY! He gave me, a call, the other day, to remind me to get a divorce. OH, YEAH- he's Back in the saddle! And, WONDERFUL! If it was my turn, at this careneeded realm, I wouldn't be sad, as to feel, I WAS- in control.

          As the last revelation, I'd wish to touch upon, would be, ELTON! Here is, whom, I wished to rekindle the heated flame of companionship with. He was released from prison,  { YEAH, YEAH, YEAH...} and HE, took the liberty of approaching/ finding, ME?! However, he has not contacted me , in over a month??!!NOW- I am COMPLETELY aware, as to the berrage of bullshit, connected with being, just released! There is WAY, TOO much, that they slap Ya with! OH!- they wish Ya to stay clean and do RIGHT.......BUT- they plague you with more shit, than Ya can shake a stick at! After a while......Ya git to the point, of saying, kiss me butt! I, have also, come to find, that since you've done wrong......every political organisation, finds the justifiable need to CASH IN ON YOU! - - - - -WHY? - - - -I didn't meet Donald Trump, in the can, and I'm doing me BEST, to try to git it together! So, WHY, do they give the released prisoners, whom shewn their GOOD colors, enough to be released from prison, WAY more than SHOULD be given to handle??????? They're just inciting a RELAPSE! Can they NOT see this? No wonder, Elton, hasn't called! He is doing his best, to refraine from a life , he wold care to have, so, that, he can stay OUT! DickHeads!I know Elton, I think. We reside in a beautiful little cottage, with MORE lovingness, to go around, and he would be nuts, NOT- to wish it. I can only speak for myself-----it would frustrate me beyond words, to hang out where I wished to be, and NOT be able to find solace, due to paperwork.thatisallihavetosayaboutit....

             In closing, my DEAREST and BEST Friend Ziggie, has FINALLY found her DREAM home, and, I believe she is GOING to buy it:) That delightful woman, was kind enough, to send me pics/visions of it, over the Web! I, literally cried! For, I can unmistakeably , envision her, daunting the grounds and the portals, ETC>, with her beauty! It would apper, that she has wrestled with WAY , too much in her life, as well as locating her DREAM house! And, she seems to have ben blessed with something wonderful, besides her daughter, to nurture for herself! I know, Elissa, pretty well, and, the whole scenario, brings me to question what the /?%$)*&@ is going on with the world?! ALL, could be so simple. BUT- we imbosilic morons, make it SO prfound?! Parents, buying people, State , making things TOO hard to reach, as well as, the darned idolitry of $$$$$$$$??????! Where did "The Waltons'," go?

Monday, July 31, 2006

I am learning something, EVERY day!

           LIFE.... is SO not a joke!Back in my day.......I, THOUGHT, I knew it ALL, and then some?! As, I gain years, I am finding , that I don't know squat!The COOL part of it, IS, I'm less , far off, than I figured Iwas. For REAL, fer real, I'm NOT such a goof, as I thought I was:o!

        This morning, I was given the opportunity, to play Spades, ONline, with a few , WAY cool others, and , we had a blast! We didn't know eachother, from a can of paint.............YET, we goofed around, whilst some won resilliantly, over the others! As, we played, we kibbitzed and , just got ?abnormal?!No one, was playing for Pink slips, we were JUST playing, on a Monday morning, and having F-U-N! WHAT a joy!

           NOPE!- - - - -  I'm NOT saying that I was doing sumpthin' that can be cast as ......prominent! B-U-T, it was to me:).

          I am cascaded, with Tarot readings, that are supposed to be related to myself?!, And ,  my patience of the arrival of Elton, and his romance............well, I MUST be patient! Perhaps it's me imagination, but I -periodically- - - see him cruising through me alleyway, something like, he's watching over the girls and I, despite, his horrendous lines of self duty. The Cards, say , I MUST be patient. AND, so does me heart and soul.I, can't EVEN find the gumption, to Fathom, being on the States' papers, any longer! It's , like, having a rash, without any cream!!!!!!! So, I remain, TRUE! "IF," it is meant 2 be, it'll BE!

   children and I, had one of THE Best days, we've EVER had! Our old Church, provided, "Worship in the Park!" THIS , is where all The Church Family, gathers together, in Nay Aug Park, within the Pavillion, for a Service, then a berrage of food.........and THEN, "paid in full," all, may swim and go on the waterslides/rides, paid for ,by GOD! Some, attend the Service, and then depart. BUT- sum, stay and kibbitz and love, untill the end! I , am proud to say, we were three, that "Hung Out," with Pastor Betty, and spoke of all we wished to. My RADICAL sunburn, was WELL worth it!And, I can't EVEN begin, to ennunciate, on the joys of my children, and what they shall recall, for the rest of their lives!!!!!

         Now,- - - -THIS may seem petty, to 2 many. BUT- when you come from an existance , where you were an imbosilic , selfcentered fool!- - - - well, one, ME, has a WHOLE bunch of pride and gratitude, that one can rarely find! At 42 yrs., of age, it's about darn time, I began doing things, of which I can be fond of!

      My years of growing up,- - - - - - well, I am UNable to recall too many joys, that I wish to reflect upon:(. BUT- I broke the mold, and made some GREAT progressions! Since I wasn't thrilled with the memories........I chose to alter ! I'm not precisely great! BUT- I'm trying to recreate a dismal upbringing, that just doesn't NEED to be.

            NONE of us are purrrfect! However, we ALL have the capeability to move forward. It's NOT easy! BUT,- it IS possible! I'm living proof.

        My Dad, placed bets, that I wouldn't make it , past 16 years of age! I'm 42, and I'm better than I ever was! No matter what yer scenario IS, "IF, Ya set yer mind to can do wonders!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

I'm lookin' fer a home, and I hope I find it!

It's been a while, since I logged in. But, that's o.k., because, I kept it REAL, and , now, I actually have  SOMETHING relative to say.  "Summer," has been a pip! My children and I, have been BLESSED with CAMP, every day, complete with field tripps, ETC.! I, have been able to provide a structured and complete Summer, they can reflect upon and be proud of! The LORD, has blessed us , with this ability to grow, experience and blossom , into righteous women, whom , not only found themselves, but, also, found others, whom had their own  life given speed bumps!

          THIS- is , also , the Summer, when ELTON, found me:). He, hasn't contacted me , in OVER three weeks, BUT- I Know he cares, and with him being JUST outta prison, he has more mileage to be concerned with, that, I believe I understand, he , simply, hasn't the time to dedicate, to a family, whom wishes to envelope him ENTIRELY!

       This, is also, the Summer, that claimed the life of my step mother, whom cared more, to END her misery, most of the LIFE I knew her in, and, FINALLY, SHE GAINED HER WISH.She adored her parents!!!!!!!!! And, she , also, ADORED , my Uncle David! David was the gay personality, male, of my , so called family, and he was THE , Most gentle and charismatic soul , I have had the honor to meet.He, was one of me favorites! Yet, GOD claimed his BEAUTIFUL soul, and brought him home. Ya know, there IS a THANG, that pisses me off, and it hurts. Since, I have lost Marilyn, AND,as my biological Daddy , resides in The Home, and JUST WAITS!, "ALL," that was left for no one, , INCLUDING, a painted  portrait of my Uncle David, is lost to the dumpster??!:(- - - -WHY? - - -!

            All , is NOT lost! I was BLESSED, with a photo of him, that would leave MOST people with a pulse, speachless! He was a prominently handsome man, with more aura, than MOST, could merely dream of! Besides THAT treasure, I was given a sleuw, of photos, including me:0, and , my Dad ,has pics of Marilyn, whence I never could have pictured! THIS- assisted my ability , to , somehow, fathom, the reason for my fathers addiction to her! She was ,THE most succulent beauty, one could lay eyes upon! Her skin, was as of a porceline doll, with cascading , red hair, tossed down her back. Yeah- I know, I've slayed the shit outta her!  But, she had it goin' on, and , THEN, came down with some odd disease, which ripped up her skin with red sores that would bleed,  and when she sought help from a dude/Dermatologist,Dr. Goldstone,  the bastered burned scarrs in her face, and her dream was ended! After that, she hurdled down the destitute spiral, and Charles, my Dad, felt stupid, for not being able to aide her. He. then, PAYED , all he could, YET, could never replace what she held so dear.

           She became impregnated, thrice, yet, was left with miscarriages. SO- he bought me. I, was the one, whom she wished to mold in the array, that -SHE, could never display. They forgot about SOUL/ stamina, to be me own person! All , that followed, just got MORE f-ed up, and, we became THE , or one of,the most DISfunctional families, that ever existed. It, only got worse.

           BUT- she , despite her odd , and VERY MISunderstood  self , besides those whom despised her, me included, I happen to believe, she IS, at LAST, rejoined with her blessed parents , AND-David! And I'm not madd , anymore! I, simply, couldn't understand. SHE TRIED! did i, I hope she can see that, now. With ALL honesty, I was a vivacious BITCH, to her! I, loathed her, with a passion! And, I plagued her with a berrage of ammo, you wouldn't even think I could aquire, let alone, conjure! There , is NO excuse, of what I pasted that woman with! During the Winter months, we would reside in Pompano Beach, Fla.,912 Pine Dr., with her Parents, and THERE, was where we spent Christmas. I, was made to develope NEW friends, in a raw school, and , as I hooked up with these new people, I was invited to a PG - movie, and I was shot down, to the point of embarrassment. Now, since Marilyn was scarred so badly, she spent HOURS, painting a facial applicae' , like her skin was almost normal, and her make - up/mirror, was her sanctuary! So- since she derailed my desire, I took her lipstick/her flavorite one, and drew - -"PIG "- - -on her mirror! "That will teach her," i thought. It destroyed her, for, I went directly for her juggular, and I hit it , ten fold. I , was 11 yrs old???! Need I say more, of why I became what I did?!

                 During these episodes, I felt, justified and right...........I feel like a piss-ant, today!However- I, REALLY , didn't understand, and if you knew all the ramifications, that where involved, you'd , probably have slapped her.

            The , WAY cool thing that has come from my existance, is that- I'm not so tunnel visioned , as I once was, and it has Blessed me with the ability to percieve myself, in a more prominent light, and , it wasn't ALL my fault, that I couldn't fix her. For real, fer real, I gave it my best shot, for quite some time, but, I have my own pulse!

          Ya know- all is NOT lost! What I encountered, left me at an outstanding chance, as to NOT do to my Cherubs, what I had to endure. I THOUGHT, I was going in a direction, rebelliously opposite, from Marilyn! However- I have , so far, raised my girls, in a fashion, which is complimented and praised. I am a stickler, for proper form! My children, have wittnessed me , saving a dead squirrel, and placing it in a proper burial place, and saving tiny birds , whom have fallen from their nest. As a matter of fact......other children, in our neighborhood, come to call upon me, to do the same!I, of course, wash me hands, after the fact, BUT- I am known , as the helper.

            I wish to Thank you, for allowing me to vent! I , haven't the time or the funds, to contract a professional person, whom, to me, could give a fig-neuton, of what /nor whom I am/think or feel! YET- this escape, gives me the delight, as if I were driving a stick shift car! Ya can't go ANY where, if ya don't shift , properly!  With cascading accross the keyboard, with few mistakes, for me, is like shifting! I cry, a lot, as I release my thoughts,and, IF , anyone cares, but, it's not really, for you. If, it helps/entertains you - - - -YIPPIE! But-, it assists me, as well.

            I am trying to share this with my friend, too! I simply cannot understand , how to make it public, rather than private??! If anyone could guide me in this, I'd be grateful. Thanks fer listening.And, if you find, that you have the resound need to explode on one, whom you can't in the least, understand....PLEASE, take a moment to regroup, and cast it from your fault! None of us , know it all. It takes QUITE a bit of patience and understanding, but you'll feel MUCH better, after the fact, ceases to exist, and Ya can't do a whole lot about it. JUST a thought:)- We , ALL, have our own stuff, that we can't seem to speak of. I'm , just a bit saddened, that I wasn't taught to realize it, before I learned it, "all by myself."

Sunday, July 9, 2006

Dear LORD- the things we learn...

As you have read, the entry afore.....I was a madd cow! How dare I! With the assist of my beloved cousin/Mother, ironed out the truths, that were NEVER shared with me.

     On the topic, of me, getting kicked to the curb....i was SO wrong! My Dad, Charles, on "his," death bed, despite all the rotten stuff this Marilyn woman has dealt him, ....made a deal, with the landlord, whom purchased his house from him, being, that, all things left after death, would be his, so that she could continue to reside there, in the last moments of her life, had a solace to reside!

         YES!- THIS, meant , I shant get anything that was left behind, B-U-T, during her entire, miserable life , of sucking up all materialistic pleasures/items, that she could land her soul empty mitts on, he , finally, put it to good use, and provided her a quiet place to die.

          What a substantial lesson of selflessness, however what she couldn't help to infect, for whatever her aching reasons , were, he turned it around, and "DID WHAT HE HAD TO DO," to cushion her demise , by her own infections!

          You see, you couldn't see/hear, what I did! Now, I know I couldn't , EVEN ,have begun to understand it! As a rebellious , hurt individual, I CLAIMED , as well as believed, I had ultimate knowledge??! FOOL, that I was, I knew NOTHING.For real, fer REAL, I still don't! And, at this point of my realizations, I'm not sure I wish to! However, I chose to quit trying to.

         I put , myself, and TOO many, whom adored me, through pangs of devistation, I couldn't even HOPE, to recoil! For WHAT? I'll tell you WHAT! It provided me, a chance, to hurt , my own ways/reasons, so that I could capture this relevation, and apply it to my senseless existance, and GROW!

          I didn't go to Church, this morning. I was exhausted, from these revelations, and , FOUND GOD, right next to me, in my/HIS house. I took the opportunity, to call Charles, my Dad, and tell him, point blank, "Daddy, I am Honored, to be your daughter!" "I am so proud of you, and , whether you told me shit, straight up, or not, the outcome of the sincere honesty, behind your actions, WERE outstanding!" He taught me, without having to stand up!

          I shared with Gail, "There is MORE promise, to let someone know their praises, rather than their faults, with a sting!" We all have something to say. YET- what are the reasons, for we , actually, know nothing at all-

       Maque' way for the Lemon Parade.       SOMETHING, to ponder....

Friday, July 7, 2006

I, JUSt gotta let it out!

It's been a while.....since I've added to my Precious book. NOT- that it's been boring! Quite the opposite, lots, has been occuring.

       THIS, addition, is going to be, one of THE, most mind lurching!

             Marilyn, has passed on. In speaking with my Dads' bestfriend, I am informed, that with the multitude of possessions, she, AND he, have left behind, I am NOT privy to anything! Allow me to be more clear. Marilyn, became pregnant, twice , in her marriage to my Dad, yet, miscarried. SO- Daddy, impregnated another woman, to provide her with a toy..........ME! This was so that she could mold a real life doll. Granted, I was BOUGHT! You see, Daddy bought her anything she wanted, and he hooked up, hired one of his Jewish lawyers, and purchased me. O.K., this COULD BE COOL, but, they didn't plan on getting a doll with her own attitude! So, after a while, I became tired of the disfunctional brigade of the life I was purchased into, and I formed my own desires and MIND!

          Well, lemme tell you, Marilyn didn't like this a bit. Thus, began the intense hatered for me. Let alone, the FACT, that I was my Dads' BIOLOGICAL daughter! Then, came the fact, that I drew closer to him, rather than her. Dear people, I was batting a thousand odds, so, they sold me! At the age of 11, I was shipped off to boarding school. Yes, I mentioned this , afore, but, it plays a significant part in this ! THIS, out of "4", more boarding schools, was where I learned the magical traits of self destruction, and how to apply them!

        "No, but seriously," folks, nothing like feeling INSIGNIFICANT! I, was a pawn, and was COMPLETELY aware of it.Thus, I began my reign of TERROR! I succumbed to drugs/alcohol/and a life of devistating my most precious abilities to nurture myself, or ANYone, whom cared for my better traits.I have given birth to MANY children, as well as aborted , more than 12! I, was looking for any love, in ALL the wrong places, for I sure wasn't reaping any from home.

        "NO," I am NOT orchestrating a "WOE IS ME," story! These , my friends, are simply THE facts! For real, fer REAL, I HAVE WON!     I, have a beautiful, GOD centered, life, despite their material , disfunctional, existance , which , included me, fer a sec!     BUT- back to my reason for sharing.

                Now that Marilyn has passed, and , I AM a poor woman, whom digs her belongings, despite the lack of TAGS in the shirt collars, and am doing the best I can, whilst loving it! However, there are a few objects, which my children could delightfully benefit from, which are left for no one but a dumpster.I, was hoping to score a coffiee maker, and perhaps a television, for my cherubs room. I MANDATED the portraits, of my daughters heritage. From what I am TOLD- I may have THEM, but nothing else. This, is somewhat cool. actually, it's VERY cool, 'cept, there is SOOOOooooo much, that people could benefit from, yet, due to her hatred of me, I am told, that it will ALL be, allegedly placed into a dumpster. How Stupid, do they think I am? There are pieces of Valuable antiques, stemming back to my Dads' , fathers' Tora, as well as precious books, such as Hard back Readers Digest, ETC., that have NO buisness in a darn dumpster....and Tommy Cometa, is going to let these artifacts, be trashed??????????  No, fuckin' WAY!  "IF," he REALLY is, please pardon me.

         I sincerely hope you do not miscontrude me as a golddigger. I, am "NOT", trying to gain finacial gain from this! I, was simply wishing , that I could provide, cost free, my ancesters relics, to people, whom are alive, and could appreciate them. I watched Marilyn, leap through hoops, in order to obtain them and cherished them, WAY, more than she cherished me. {Dad, included. } I ached to place these items, in an arena, of hopeful use, for which they were needed, Not sought!

        Oh Goodness! I forgot. Daddy put a pay phone in , so he could continue to contact me, so his sheild of paternal responsibility, wasn't tanished. Then, he left , ME- with Marilyns' deceased parents, $4000.00, to do with, what I wished, in Hollywood , Calif.!              YEAH!, I know, get off the cross, someone needs the wood.       Awe, it just pisses me off. I apologise.

                   Ya know, I made monumentous errors! I AM sorry. BUT, other people and MY children, did NOTHING, to him or marilyn. YES!- I purpously, did NOT capitalise her name, for , to me,she hasn't EVER , even tried to earn it. I realise, she experienced severe hurt. BUT- doesn't one TRY to turn it for better?!

            This, HOPEFULLY, is the END of my mental torment. Last night, I told my girls, that, {and this IS completely TRUE } that the collectibles I have sustained, were sustained for them! "Do with them, what you wish,"" but I lived for you BOTH," and not to have a whole bunch of tagged "STUFF," that I couldn't take with me. "STUFF," is meant to be enjoyed, and then SHARED!" What's MOST precious, are the Loving memories and sincere adorations, that , not even Donald Trump, has the ability to purchase. If and when, you have a child, you must nurture THAT soul, for if YOUR soul/ feelings, are important to YOU--please, remember, the other one has the same need of nurture as YOU DO.

          This whole scenario, has taught me, quite a lot.GOD, help me to NEVER, play another person, as if they were a Stratovarious! It's just WRONG, and it hurts, SO deep. Perhaps, this is WHY, I hold the Indian liniage, so DEAR to my heart and soul. The Indians, never took, what they didn't NEED, nor to be able to give back! {SOMEHOW }The circle of LIFE- does NOT begin, nor end , with -ME! There will be those afore, and those AFTER:) So........                   Thank you-