Friday, July 7, 2006

I, JUSt gotta let it out!

It's been a while.....since I've added to my Precious book. NOT- that it's been boring! Quite the opposite, lots, has been occuring.

       THIS, addition, is going to be, one of THE, most mind lurching!

             Marilyn, has passed on. In speaking with my Dads' bestfriend, I am informed, that with the multitude of possessions, she, AND he, have left behind, I am NOT privy to anything! Allow me to be more clear. Marilyn, became pregnant, twice , in her marriage to my Dad, yet, miscarried. SO- Daddy, impregnated another woman, to provide her with a toy..........ME! This was so that she could mold a real life doll. Granted, I was BOUGHT! You see, Daddy bought her anything she wanted, and he hooked up, hired one of his Jewish lawyers, and purchased me. O.K., this COULD BE COOL, but, they didn't plan on getting a doll with her own attitude! So, after a while, I became tired of the disfunctional brigade of the life I was purchased into, and I formed my own desires and MIND!

          Well, lemme tell you, Marilyn didn't like this a bit. Thus, began the intense hatered for me. Let alone, the FACT, that I was my Dads' BIOLOGICAL daughter! Then, came the fact, that I drew closer to him, rather than her. Dear people, I was batting a thousand odds, so, they sold me! At the age of 11, I was shipped off to boarding school. Yes, I mentioned this , afore, but, it plays a significant part in this ! THIS, out of "4", more boarding schools, was where I learned the magical traits of self destruction, and how to apply them!

        "No, but seriously," folks, nothing like feeling INSIGNIFICANT! I, was a pawn, and was COMPLETELY aware of it.Thus, I began my reign of TERROR! I succumbed to drugs/alcohol/and a life of devistating my most precious abilities to nurture myself, or ANYone, whom cared for my better traits.I have given birth to MANY children, as well as aborted , more than 12! I, was looking for any love, in ALL the wrong places, for I sure wasn't reaping any from home.

        "NO," I am NOT orchestrating a "WOE IS ME," story! These , my friends, are simply THE facts! For real, fer REAL, I HAVE WON!     I, have a beautiful, GOD centered, life, despite their material , disfunctional, existance , which , included me, fer a sec!     BUT- back to my reason for sharing.

                Now that Marilyn has passed, and , I AM a poor woman, whom digs her belongings, despite the lack of TAGS in the shirt collars, and am doing the best I can, whilst loving it! However, there are a few objects, which my children could delightfully benefit from, which are left for no one but a dumpster.I, was hoping to score a coffiee maker, and perhaps a television, for my cherubs room. I MANDATED the portraits, of my daughters heritage. From what I am TOLD- I may have THEM, but nothing else. This, is somewhat cool. actually, it's VERY cool, 'cept, there is SOOOOooooo much, that people could benefit from, yet, due to her hatred of me, I am told, that it will ALL be, allegedly placed into a dumpster. How Stupid, do they think I am? There are pieces of Valuable antiques, stemming back to my Dads' , fathers' Tora, as well as precious books, such as Hard back Readers Digest, ETC., that have NO buisness in a darn dumpster....and Tommy Cometa, is going to let these artifacts, be trashed??????????  No, fuckin' WAY!  "IF," he REALLY is, please pardon me.

         I sincerely hope you do not miscontrude me as a golddigger. I, am "NOT", trying to gain finacial gain from this! I, was simply wishing , that I could provide, cost free, my ancesters relics, to people, whom are alive, and could appreciate them. I watched Marilyn, leap through hoops, in order to obtain them and cherished them, WAY, more than she cherished me. {Dad, included. } I ached to place these items, in an arena, of hopeful use, for which they were needed, Not sought!

        Oh Goodness! I forgot. Daddy put a pay phone in , so he could continue to contact me, so his sheild of paternal responsibility, wasn't tanished. Then, he left , ME- with Marilyns' deceased parents, $4000.00, to do with, what I wished, in Hollywood , Calif.!              YEAH!, I know, get off the cross, someone needs the wood.       Awe, it just pisses me off. I apologise.

                   Ya know, I made monumentous errors! I AM sorry. BUT, other people and MY children, did NOTHING, to him or marilyn. YES!- I purpously, did NOT capitalise her name, for , to me,she hasn't EVER , even tried to earn it. I realise, she experienced severe hurt. BUT- doesn't one TRY to turn it for better?!

            This, HOPEFULLY, is the END of my mental torment. Last night, I told my girls, that, {and this IS completely TRUE } that the collectibles I have sustained, were sustained for them! "Do with them, what you wish,"" but I lived for you BOTH," and not to have a whole bunch of tagged "STUFF," that I couldn't take with me. "STUFF," is meant to be enjoyed, and then SHARED!" What's MOST precious, are the Loving memories and sincere adorations, that , not even Donald Trump, has the ability to purchase. If and when, you have a child, you must nurture THAT soul, for if YOUR soul/ feelings, are important to YOU--please, remember, the other one has the same need of nurture as YOU DO.

          This whole scenario, has taught me, quite a lot.GOD, help me to NEVER, play another person, as if they were a Stratovarious! It's just WRONG, and it hurts, SO deep. Perhaps, this is WHY, I hold the Indian liniage, so DEAR to my heart and soul. The Indians, never took, what they didn't NEED, nor to be able to give back! {SOMEHOW }The circle of LIFE- does NOT begin, nor end , with -ME! There will be those afore, and those AFTER:) So........                   Thank you-

No comments: