THIS WAS JUST A BAD DREAM! IN VIRTUAL COLOUR-

IT WAS IS LIVING COLOUR!

      I WAS PARTYING WITH MY DAUGHTERS AND TWO FRIENDS CHILDREN AND THEM. THE MAN, KNOWING HOW I MISSED HAVING A COMPANION IN MY LIFE, MADE IT KNOWN TO ME, THAT HE HAD ALWAYS DESIRED ME. I, WHILST NIBBLING PILLS AND BEER, { TO KILL THE ACHE INSIDE,} RESPONDED TO HIM, HOW I YEARNED FOR HIM , SO.

           NEXT FRAME, WAS THE WIFE, TAKING THEIR CHILDREN AND MINE, TO THE STORE. UPON THEIR DEPARTURE, HE AND I BEGAN TO DELVE INTO EACHOTHER. NEXT THING I KNEW, WE WERE IN AN ADANDONED CAR IN THEIR YARD. ACCROSS THE FRONT SEAT, WE BEGAN TO DEVOUR EACHOTHER, AND , WHILE MY ARMS WERE DANGLING OUT THE WINDOW BEHIND ME, HE PROCEEDED TO MOVE HIS MOUTH  DOWN THE LENGTH OF MY TORSO, BURRYING HIS MOUTH INTO MY LOVE BOX, AND MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I FORGOT SOMEONE COULD!WE BOTH MOANED IN PLEASURE, AS HE FINISHED AND CAME BACK, FACE TO FACE WITH ME, PENETRATING ME , DEEPLY, TO WHERE I SCREAMED OUT MY  ORCHESTRATIONAL ORGASM.

          I / WE, BEGAN TO DRESS, WHEN I NOTICED THE BLOOD, SCREAMING RED, AND FACTITIOUSLY KIDDED, "HONEY, I THINK YA BROKE ME." HE GUIDED ME TO THE UPSTAIRS BATHROOM, AND TOLD ME THERE WAS PLENTY OF PROTECTION IN THE CLOSET.

            AS I WENT IN, AND CHECKED THE CLOSET, AND DESPITE THEIR POORNESS, SHE HAD 'EVERYTHING' , ALL NEAT AND TIDY, AS WOULD I HAVE HAD IN MY OWN CLOSET! EACH TIME, I TRIED TO REACH FOR WHAT I REQUIRED, I MESSED THINGS UP, FURTHER AND FURTHER. THE BLEEDING , WORSENED, AS I TOOK  MORE PILLS AND SLAMMED DOWN MORE BEER. BECAUSE MY SEARCH WAS NIL, THE BLOOD WAS ALL OVER MY FAVORITE PAIR OF 'LEVI' JEANS, SO I STOLE FROM HER LAUNDRY BASKET, HEARING MY CHILDREN AND THE REST , RETURN DOWN STAIRS, WITH MANY , MORE PEOPLE.   { UNBEKNOWNST TO ME, HE TOLD HER! } I , AFTER LOCATING A SLIM BIT OF PROTECTION, I DESCENDED THE STAIRS.

                   ALL, { INCLUDING OLD FRIENDS I HAVEN'T SEEN IN YEARS AND SOME, WHOM ARE PRECIOUS TO ME, TODAY, }WERE BEGINING TO PARTY . EVERYONES' CHILDREN AND MINE, WERE HAVING A BLAST, AND THE ADULTS WERE DOING THE SAME.

           AS THE TIME PRESSED ON, I FELT THE MEAGER PROTECTION, FAIL. I CLIMBED, FOR THE LAST TIME, TO REPLACE IT, BUT , THIS TIME, IT WAS FIRE ENGINE RED AND OUT OF CONTROL! AS I ENTERED THE CLOSET, THERE WERE MORE OF A SELECTION, OF PRODUCTS, YET, EACH TIME I REACHED FOR ONE, I MESSED THE ARRAY UP MORE, AND COULDN'T GRASP IT.

            {{ OH- BY THE WAY-WHILE I WAS NAKED WITH HIM, MY BODY WAS THE SAME, TRIM, SEXY FORM IT WAS Y-E-A-R-S AGO! }}

           AS I DESCENDED FOR THE LAST TIME, I WAS GREETED BY A HOARD OF POLICE OFFICERS, AS WELL AS GLARES FROM MY SUPPOSID 'FRIENDS' AND MY DAUGHTERS! I WAS C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E-L-Y, DISORIENTATED, AND HAD no DEFENSE! BLOOD, WAS ALL OVER ME, AS I WATCHED AND HEARD MY CHILDREN SCREAM IN DISAPPROVAL,. THE MAN, SIMPLY HUGGED HIS WIFE, AND TURNED AWAY. "YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!" , I HOLLERED.HE WOULDN'T TURN AROUND. THEN, IS WHEN THE POLICEMEN, BEGAN TO CUFF AND QUESTION ME.

              "NO PROBLEM," I THOUGHT TO MYSELF. I CAN BLAME IT ON  LUNACY AND MENTAL ANGUISH.             GRANTED, AS I WAS CUFFED, MY LINE TO THE PILLS AND BEER, WERE CUT OFF. SO, MY MENTAL DEMISE PLAN, FLEW OUT THE WINDOW. THE BLOODY MESS, WORSENED, AND THE BERRAGE OF FACES, BEGAN TO WALK BY MYSELF, OFFERING A CIG OR A HAND OR A GLANCE OF DISGUST, WHILST I REMAINED IN A DUG TRENCH, BELOW THE FLOORS LEVEL. AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS, I COULD SEE OTHERS LOOKING DOWN AND SPITTING, SAYING, "HOW COULD YOU. CARLY?" I CALLED OUT TO HIM, AS THE OFFICERS DRAGGED ME AWAY, SAYING,"WHAT ABOUT US?" HE N-E-V-E-R LOOKED BACK!

 

                      My eyes, popped open, as I gasped for breath. I ran for my cigarretes, and , to my computer. AND, here I sit, realising, that this dream, came from GOD. It was / IS a HORRIBLE thought. It is a reminder, of what can and WILL happen, if I ever go back to my old ways. It shows me to be Thank FULL, of what The LORD has Blessed me with, today.

             During the dream, I had feelings of emancipation, proper direction for the Children, level character of self, { up untill the blood } basicaly, I felt I had it going ON! However, I am , STILL, a frail, human being, easily broken, if one gets TOO full of ones' self! In the dream, it was acceptable to harbor those feelings and actions, with another womans' man?!  BULLSHIT!  LOOK, just how wrong I can be...

             This morning, I shall face this day, humbled! My breathing, has normaled, mostly. I've spoken to GOD, and assured HIM, I got the point, BUT- actions speak LOUDER than words.           I pray, I don't have another dream of this sort!   " Now , I lay me, down to sleep. i , PRAY, The LORD, my soul to keep. IF, I should die, afore I wake. I PRAY, The LORD, my soul to TAKE..."

Something:)*

It's been TOO long, since I have made an entry in my precious book!

    Forgive me, but i got caught up in lifes' insurmountable circumstances. Being a single Mommie, and , which I fall short of finances, the begining of School was , {as I allowed} to be frightening. FACT of the matter, WAS- Alan stepped UP to the plate, and adored OUR Children. He was MOST helpfilled, in which to assist Our Babes to RE-enter into School!! YES!, beloved readers, he supplied the WAY, coolest neccessities. PLEASE- do NOT get me twisted. I, had made provisions, in which to usher in some, {many} of the needs. IF, I don't mind saying,...'I', was the hair doer! When I went to 'Beauty School,' I was interrupted by ONE, of my Daddys' heart attacks. YET, I, DID, extract a bit of knowledge, and brought it with me. I, MUST, applaude my Babes, for it took me EXTRA time, and they , BOTH, sat dilligently, during the session.

         Ashley, is attemping,{and WILL preside} her year "7", and with ALL, DUE Honesty, is N-O joke!!!!!!!! She , requires, "7" , different teachers, as well as , the responsibility, in which to carry ALL that is required, for EACH class! "IF,-" she falls short, she WILL be held accessible for her failure! 'THIS, - is N-O-T what Ashley is built to BE! Quite honestly, Ash , could give a POOP! She is MORE concerned with how she looks, AND, who's looking.      ! FEEL ME, this is something , which canNOT be ignored.

       Wonderfully obtained, she is ROCKING!    Due to her Daddys' funds, as well as- ME* being as whacked as I am, she's pulling it off, with a SOUND retrospect.

    YES!- i HAVE said it , afore. I , WAS a drug , INFECTED imbosile! Sincerely, a-n-d BEING a singlr Mommie, I, haven't the time , NOR the n-e-e-d, in which to follow those rails! This, parental shit, ain't NO,joke!!!!!!!!!!!! Let alone, the seriousness of the WORLD, today!  There is a song, which is playing, right now. "What WOULD you say?!" When I was shorter than I am NOW...I , was on the roead, with a band , called "The Back Doors!" It was January 27th, and I made a phone call, to my Parents house, on me Birthday. Daddy answered. He, was surprised to HEAR from me. I said, " DAD, it's my Birthday!" He, recoiled to Marilyn, it's Carolines' Birthday!" BOTH, disagreed! WELL- since I , was 'I', well, I DIS agreed. DADDY, was the ONLY one, whom, was tenderly , appologetic, that they had forgotten of the bitch they had lost.          It's cool.     NOT!  I, was BOUGHT!   Lest, forgotten. Thank GOODNESS, I don't mind, TODAY! 

    IF...it wouldn't be to strenuouse on EVERYONE, P-L-E-A-S-E, recall, the BIBLE , Stated words- "Do , unto OTHERS, as you would have done unto you." { it fucked me UP, W-A-Y, TOO long!} MY bad- I let it.

      " People, wanna RISE UP, and get their Share!" 'Tracy Chapman.'             Sisters and Brothers, I still...am robbing Peter, to pay Paul. NIFTY part of it IS, is, I am finding precious realities, that, when I was SO self centered, I, completely MISSED! I'm TRIPIN', though, for , I'm catching SIGHT of so, much MORE.

         Allow me to give you, an example. THE, Best Mother I could possibly find, 'Gail,' searched LONG and hard, for a companion, to reinstate her self worth. She located HER. ""THEY,"" B-U-I-L-T,"" a SOUND emporium of a stamina riddled emporium, FILLED, with ALL that MOST , continued to seek!  THEY found IT! At a distance, I observed them, orchestrate a 'Bed and Breakfast,'that housed ANY one, whom wished to "take a Break," at. "IT," was fruitful! Along the path of benefit, "Stormie," contracted, Cancer. Set aside the requirements of income, Gail, encompassed Stormie! It WASN'T about the fucking $$, she could absorbe!!!!!!!!  SHE- was THERE, for her companion! THE, same way, that she was THERE for her cousin , named , Caroline. After, my parents, lost control of ME, by sending ME, to oaid for Schools, after Schools, they pawned me off on her, by which, I had , ALREADY grown horns of resistance. For the one, whom had opened up her world, to usher me into, I raked her over the coals!     ""I, BEG of you, which you have made KNOWN, I need NOT, I , A-M sorry!  GAIL- I was VERY short, back then.

       Does ANYone, Wish to know , what I have learned? LETS' GIT-R-DONE! tHIS IS tHURSDAY. { jst messin' with Ya}

     My Girls and I, live in a VERY, small house, that used to be a garage. THE owner of the house, IS a contractor. He and his crew, REnewed it, into a substantial lair:). We have a substantial yard, / HOUSE. YIPPIEEEEEEE. Quite simply, the Babes have , their OWN room, equipped with BUNKBEDS.  THE time, has come, where they are becoming TOO BIG, to inhabit bunkbeds. It's a REALLY, SMALL room, so, I am goimg to begin to REconstruct their room, by DISconstructing the beds, and , TRYING, to arrange the area, in which they can ask Friends to visit, without having to step on the beds:)* PLEASE- Pray 4 me, this will BE, NO simple task! 

       Pardon me, but, as I complete the task, and get to watch their faces LIGHT up with Amazement, is ALL I need?!! They're gonna shit. OH!, I will N-O-T be able to walk for a few days. THEY, are what's important   nobody said I was playing with a FULL deck     

Everything

I'm actually annoyed, and displaced. My computer has been acting up for days and so has my life. I find myself getting pissed off and plagued by other peoples Children.

        I try to get the house in order, and then all these kids come in, and ruin  it. It's my own fault, cuz I said they could stay over! It is my FIRM beliefe, that I need some QUIET time to  myself!! My own kids are raucous ENOUGH!

        Alan pulled a wild one! The man went to work , yesterday for 4 O'Clock in the morning, and worked till 7:30 P.M>! He then decides to go and pick up new lunch boxes for the Girls and walk up here to Dunmore, AFTER work, at 9:30 P.M., to deliver them??!!!! He says he's dieing and he'll be worth 100 thousand , soon.50 for me, and 25 , each Child.LOVERLY!

         I don't deal well with disorganization! The house is a mess:( As soon as the nibblettes are gone, I intend to spot clean like the wind.

           Also- for the past week, I have had nightmares like no ones buisness! I'm up by 4ish in the A.M., and T-R-Y, to get on the pewter to ease my nerves. THIS- gives me more stress, 'cuz the pewter is going whacky.

         As you can plainly see, I'm being a brat. I watch these comercials and movies about two people so in love and support, and I'm sik and tired of NOT being one of them. If I had a bit of support, perhaps I wouldn't find the need to enduce these spells of misery?!!

          Since it's going to be cooler, today, I think I'll mow the grass in the yard. It seems to be a thing in Dunmore, where all the neighbors have a contest to see , WHOM, can keep their lawns the best. It hurts my back, terribly, when I do it, so , I don't seem to be on the top of the list. Big, friggin' DEAL! I find I do wonderfully for a person of ONE!

       I think I'll pick up, later, for the brood of kids are about to arrise.

One WIERD Dream

              I was a street urchin, type 19 year old{although I was 44!} I was dressed in Goth-like attire, with my hair parted on the side, as when I was younger, with the right side clipped back in a barret. My nails were just long enough to scratch the eyes out of a cat, painted black.My stockings were ripped periodically, and my skirt was short, beneath a semi long , dirty trench coat.

            I walked aimlessly amid the rain stained streets, looking for a party at my Dads' old house. As I came upon the old 509 Monroe Ave building, I was invited inside by two, strikingly handsome, boyish, babyskinned 20 year old , young men, and introduced to some of their friends. Some were other boys and some were other youngish girls, all , famously clad in designer clothing, eccept the boys were Goth rogues, as was I.

            I explained, how it used to be my Fathers' house, and that I hadn't been in it for YEARS! "Well, little one{ I was thin as back then}, allow us to give you the Grand tour."

            We toured each floor, one by one, drinking a bit as we proceeded. The one boy and I , hit it off marvelously, as the other kept his head together, watching me closely, as if he were the overseer.

         Before reaching the TOP floor, we decided to go down to the bottom floor, where and icecream appeared and the two young girls waited on customers. As I was served, the long haired girl said, she'll need something to wear! As she disappeared into the back, soon she would return with, lovely yet Gothlike silken attire. As I picked them up, I found a string of rainbow condoms, tucked at the bottom of the pile."She NEEDS these!", she mandated and brushed the hair out of my eyes with her soft, manacured hand.

           Sitting on the stool next to the counter was my dream boy, his hairless chest undisclosed and bare, his trench coat agape, shining in the parlor lights. He bid me to come closer, and , NOT affraid, I did. His eyes drank me in, as he reached beneath my skirt and began to fondle my genetailia. I replied by gently scratching my Goth nails down his glistening chest, sending him into rapturous vibrations!

               The time had arrived to show me the Friedmans apartment, located on the top floor of my Daddys' house. The last room, was where I was led, and upon entering, the other smoothe boy, began to secure the doors with heavy wire, so as NOT to ALLOW ANY entry! As the doors closed, I noticed revolving portions, eye level, that when were spun, it was looking glasses , one would find atop a scenic bldg.! The Beautiful boy and I, whose eyes drank me in, were about to engage in THE, MOST gentle barrage of foreplay, I'd ever imagined. Gentle kissing, {I was NOT to touch his member} as he kissed me deeply, and shudderd as I would run my Goth nails down his back and torso. Teddy bears and feathers were used to play, so innocently and alluring. His eyes, oceanic blue and gentle, ravaged my heart, and no matter whom was watching, we were safe inside, playing silly, loving games, just like children in LOVE! He would envelope me into his bare , strong arms ,run his tongue down my neck and nipples, saying,' I taste if innocense.' The condoms, were used as blow up balloons, when suddenly, the portals were closed, and he FINALLY allowed me to attend him, as he penetrated me into nirvana.

              I told him I was REALLY 44. He said he knew, but I had a childs heart, and one could see it, if only one looked. At the end of our harmonious orchestration, he helped me to dress Goth, and led me to feed me Icecream, giving me a new , yet beat up pair of trench boots. He burned a heart into the side of one, stating, "IF anyone ever tries to hurt you, KICK THEM with THIS foot, and I shall be your strength!" "You know I'm such a fool for you, do you have to let it linger," is playing, as I wrap up this exotic dream for "What I think/DREAM, IF- anyone Cares."

Just Me Mind , GOING...

So much has been , transpiring in my life, these days. Yesterday, my Girls, were in track and field, within their School. I've NEVER missed one of 'em. However, for The For the first time....Alan , also participated. These days, I am on High Blood Pressure medication. I took what I had, but was short of TWO of the pills. After two hours, I began feeling light headed and that I needed to fall asleep??!!!

             I told Alan, I HAD, to go home and go and get the missing meds. He, agreed to remain, and asked if I required a help, HOME. I said, "NOPE, I'm in GODS' hands, I just need to care for this, meself. All became well, I obtained my meds, and nibbled a bit, and , THEN, fell fast asleep, for an hour or two.

         Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! , The Girls did quite well, and were exstatic, that their Daddy, finally showed to a point in their lives. I was Pleased as punch, when he said THANKS, for including him??!!!!

             I am seeing another man, these days. Sit DOWN 4 this one...he's friends with Alan, from long ago. Now, there isn't sex betixed this man and i, but, he is gentle and adoring of all THREE of us lil' women. He's , also, bestqwed an operable VCR, for us to use. THE FIRST movies , the babes brought out to view, were those of their /our earlier years, INCLUDING , Alan and Christmas/Easter /ETC>! I do NOT mind saying, it tore me innards OUT! Bobby, my companion, was enthraulled with them??!!! I asked , IF- this irked him at all?! He said, "Nope, it just shows whom you REALLY are. "No wonder your Children are the way they ARE!" I , MUST agree with him, it shows their roots.

           Summer is upon us, quickly. School, is at it's end, fairly quickly. I Thank GOD, I have LEARNED , how to take the time to be Blessed, with a Sound , Summer activity based schedule , for the Girls to be surrounded with. They WILL be attending CAMP, strewn from The Y.M.C.A.! As a matter of fact, Megans' Birthday Party,will go off, THIS Saturday, and The LORD has provided all we require, for NO hitches:)- It would appear, that Bobbie and Alan, will be the barbiquers. { Holy  Merde'}

            I'm NOT, very settled with this !  Fact of the matter, IS- I am STILL In LOVE , with my husband, despite all that was done to us??!!!! YES- call me a lunatic, BUT- I would NOT have said "I DO," if I weren't in it . for the LONG HAUL!!  I'm still pinching meself, that Bobbie isn't pressuring me for SEX!  FER REAL, for real, I have a head ache.LOL

            I require some sleep, afore tomorrow, BUT- I had to spill, This evening. I, shall allert you to the proceedings, at a later date. PROMISE!

YOU tell me...

I , reside SO , CLOSE to my Family, that has transpired! The factual MATTER, that exists, IS- I'm the only one , whom visits them??!!!!  The weirder FACT, IS, I was the Black sheep , of the volume!

                I've met a FAMILY , or three , in me day, NONE of them, have been as FAR , fetched as mine. FUCK- I'm a borrowed particle. OH! Please, don't git me wrong, I'm BLOOD LINE!   'Cept, I was hatched and , then BOUGHT! There is only ONE, True connect! Her name is Gail. She IS , The ONLY one, whom claimed me as a part of the Family, that should be SHOT, afore they  multiply further!

I ache , from head to toe...

   I , sincerely, ACHE, from head to toe!

This makes little to NO SENSE! Permit me to be more precise. I have made , Glorious progress, on the yard, AND, the Spring cleaning , thingy! { most likely , is WHY I'm so , darn sore, LOL} My life , is generating in a fantastic direction, CHILDREN included. I am loved and appreciated by the plants , aminals and kindred folk, ETC.! So , what is my fuckin' problem?!!

            Peoples, I have been Blessed with , fantastic muzik, played  just 4 me!!!!!!!!!!!!   Still, I am allowing myself to be plagued with this depressed frame of mind, that is taking it's toll, on me body? My heart is OVERFLOWING with Great wishes to share the wealth, BUT- I chose to isolate, for as I don't wish to infect anyone with my disintigration.

        OUTSIDE, is , Sunny and warming into the low 70s'. The bird feeder is filled  with seed, and surrounded with Grateful Tweeeters:):). Yet , again, I turned the radio , OFF, simoly to speak with, as well as to LISTEN to their songs of LOVE.

          Ya'll, KNOW, I'm not wealthy, $$ wise. But I tell you from my heart, 'Trump,' ain't got squat on me . LOL!!  The other night, I had bill money , put aside, BUT- I scamped on a bit of it, for St. Anthonys' , put on their annual, Spring carnival. It costs $12.00 per child, to get a bracelette, which gets then on any ride they wish to go on. Let us say, they had a BLAST! The LORD , provided me , to give them a memory to last them a LIFE time!  Poor Ashley, got sick on the one ride, but, never the less, the whole gala was priceless to her!

                I must take a slight break, but- I WILL continue in THIS sbject, in a few:)...

Did ya EVER?

Did ya ever believe, ya hit your toe, off of something, and, MOST UNDOUBTEDLY, it was going to HURT?

            And , then , RIGHT afore you said, "OUCH," you realise it didn't hurt at all??????????????  SOOOOoooooo, you giggled . And realized, it didn't hurt a bit??!!!!

WHAT A TRIPP.

          tHE DAYS OF MY LIFE , HAVE BEEN GROWING, STRANGER, EACH AND EVERYONE OF 'EM!  awe fuck it, i hit the wrong key. {{OR DID I??}}

         "Don't you know, you are a shooting a star," is on, NOW! Two friends, I have thought of , deeply, for MANY years, J-U-S-T crossed me path! 

          I HAD to enscribe this afore I went to plat in the yard !!  Yesterday, my Old amd KIND friemd, , was placed at the checkpout counter , directly , ahead of me! As she turned to leave, she struck my eyes' ,l and said ," Don't I know you?" I responded, quietly, "YES, just give ne a sec, and we can speak."  I NEEDED that break to TRY to muddle through  what i was going to say to her.

          THIS PERSON, was KT!  I have her artwork, hung, throughout my housES, from day #1!

         NEXT, I'm toying with me My Space, and another , old Friend , broke the ice and left me a send??!!!!   {do i have to say much more, here?} What, in GODS' name, is going ON? I shall tell you , IF or when, Tazra returns my response.

         I , FEEL, it's a GREAT time to putter in the garden! Weather is GREAT, and so are me nerves. N-O-T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  LOL   Love ya-

          

 

      

No matter what SEEMS , destructive, turns about!

   "Lil Bit," Dayna Feola, Finally called me.

                  THIS woman, , I met, whence I HAD to reside in, { what I CHOSE to call, 'Shea Lackawanna,'} It's the county jail.    I had the  oportunity, to usher her 18th Birthday, in with her, whilst in h-e-l-l?!!  We, became kind friends. { do NOT get stupid!!}  My husband, decided , NOT TO send me finances, to buy coffiee/stamps/ ETC>! SOOOOOoooooooo, she helped me, as best she could, as i drew envelopes for the other inmates, so as to raise neccessities.

         She allowed the deevil to take her down, again, after she got out, and left us, for 11 months:(  SHE'S BAAAAAAAAAAAACK:). Her mind, is REaligned, and she sought the Girls and I.

         I, am THRILLED...for I have a sound stauture , in order , for her to draw from. I am , SO proud of her! her parental units, are plagued with addictions and lunacy. THIS TIME, she's VIGILANT, to pull HERSELF, up by the bootstraps MAKE IT!    Personally, I am reaching a space, where I can HELP her 'Break The monsters BACK!'

          Basicaly, it's in GODS' Hands! However, since I AM progressing...there's a chance I actually CAN , be of assist??!!! 

         It was a TOTAL thrill, to speak with my Friend, Again! We have Plans, and dreams , filled with HOPES!

          Without this BOOK of ours, I'd become STUCK:(. It is THE- Ultimate Blessing, in which to share and inner-most thoughts, without bugging everyone, and paying for it, as well.  Peace be unto...

              

Life is a TRIPP...

Where to begin, escapes me!  SOOOOoooooo, I'll simply begin.

     ""Here Comes your nineteenth,nervous Breakdown."" I've known this Dude, for , quite some time. His name is , 'Bob.'  He'sa VERY , gentle man, and his bank account is even MORE gentle. LOL- Yet, he is a hard woerker, and a NON violent soul, whom whould give ya the shirt from his back, if ya needed!

          I've been introduced too his Mom and Dad, ''family,'''as well. They seem to find me, {O.K.}.

         Last Sunday, the Girls and I, invited him to Church, with us. He, accepted, whilst , ALMOST breaking out in a rash of nerves??!!!   None the less, he WENT!  He was welcomed like he was a saint, and he , actually dug it!!

           He, even HEARD a soulfelt message, he secludedly required to HEAR! He wishes to be INCLUDED , this coming Sunday??!!!

           His parents, are quite taken by the Girls and myself, as well.

        HERE- I-S, the wrench! I find him, delightful. HowEVER- I am STILL married.  And , at this point in my life, I can't , EVEN ponder a sexual partnership! At 44 yrs. old, I'm not even frisky, these days. I feel like I am slighting him, even tho he is NOT pressing for it??!!! What the plop is wrong with me??

            It, MAY BE, that , I have contracted High Blood Preassure,ovarian cancer and an Anurism in me brain??!!!

         Thank you. I , simply HAD to git this OUT. I, shall continue to orchestrate the facts, more prominently. at a later date. At this time, I'm exhausted. Peace...

I , THOUGHT, I was gonna die!

  Don't know, exactly, where to begin??!!!  The last 9 days, I contracted head-Aches, like I've NEVER , encountered , afore!

           My Friend, suggested, I have me blood pressure taken. {so i did}. 175/118!!!!!!!!  Holy Hobinieros. I sound like my Daddy. I, was , also, given a mind scan! Looks like, I , also, have anurisms?!! Must be all them damn drugs, I ingested. For MOST of my , existance, I figured, I was INdestructable. Silly me...

            Funny part of it, IS- for the FIRST TIME, in my life, I have EVERYTHING to LIVE 4!! I 'spose , 'Mother Nature,' has a Dandy sense of humor.

           WHY, am I sharing this, with you? BECAUSE- I'm hoping, before you get all , caught up in stupdity, Ya GOTSTA realise, N-O-N-E of us, REALLY know the cool stuff, that awaits us, in our futures! Yeah, SURE- there seems like , Ya'll have NOTHING to LIVE for, as ya grow UP??!!!  PLEASE, don't git fooled! NONE OF US, are aware of the nifty stuff, that lies, ahead!

           P-E-A-C-E...

It's , just me...

          There came, a time in my existance, where I was SnowBalled, with these observations, that threw me 4 a LOOP!  It's 4:50 A.M., and , since I chose to go to bed, Early, Mind kicked into OVER Drive, and I ,R-A-N, to me pooter!  Pardon. I detest IRAN!! Let's Git-R-Done , THIS way. I, LEPT, to me computer.

                 For REAL, fer real, I SHOULD be SOUND, asleep! But...

          IF- ANYone thinks , for a moment, that, there isn't a GOD/JESUS/HOLY SPIRIT- Yer foolish! There have NEVER { that's pig wash } been MORE, Sound P-R-O-O-F, that JESUS exists! Steming back to me begining pages , I'm STILL kickin'! I, SHOULD have been Squashed, LONG , ago.

            Due, To, the internet, {{ which, at ONE point, I threw daggers at}} , I have made Friends, that ARE, substantial, and LIFE giving. 'THEY,'- wouldn't KNOW me, IF we fell over one another! STILL- this CRAZY communicative device, has, Actually, placed me in the Graces, of perhaps, 11 People. For , some STRANGE reason, I enhance their inner Qualities, as well.

            Isn't it ODD, that one has better ability, to address, topics, 'WHEN' one does NOT need do it ;"Face 2 face??!!!" 'GO' figure??!!!

                        REPORT CARDS- arrived. PLOP OFF- Yeah, I just realized, I had logged THIS, afore. me Babes, pulled 'em UP<3{that is a throbbing heart ,<3}

            I, NEED to say, something. In the days I did the drug thingy, 'Twas ONLY- by , "JESUS " Grace, i was allowed to keep them as me Daughters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  THESE days, I am STILL, Searching for , substantial REASON. For, TODAY- it's frequenting, on UTTER amasement, as HOW' I continue togo forward??!!!

                 

              Yesterday, I tended to the front of 'OUR HOUSE!' Me back , was in, EXCRUSHIATING pain! STILL , I kempt UP, and "Got-R-Done!"      I , AM- feeling the pangs!

         Please- - I /We, reside, in a Rural area, where-EVERYONE has 'OODLES,' of $$ ! I, have observed, that MOST, write a check/card, "Personally, I do me OWN,"in which to have their yards, prepared, for The Spring, that wishes to Actualy ARRIVE.   YET- with VERY , little $$, but a Heart that BEATS, like a Faeries wings in Flight, I , Also, have noticed, 1 OR 2 , become jealous of me progress??!!! "WHAT, a tripp"

                    IF, I M-A-Y, it's QUITE absurb, BUT, I, C-H-O-O-S-E, to speak with GOD! Funky, THO... The MOST, comfortable Place , in which to do SO, 4 me, seems to be in the Bathroom! Please , allow me to explain. During me drug years:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(, THAT- is where I should have deceased!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i SHOT more STUPID STUFF, in the throws of the bathroom! When I say 'shot,' I , mean, into me veins! 'From little -Ville, I detested to HAVE to get a needle??! To be Honest with Ya- the way i looked at life, had NOTHING to do with JESUS!

              As well as you, IF, it weren't for JESUS, whom put up with a LOT , I'd have 'NO," redemption! Fucking, TELL ME, Ya'll never frigged UP, 'ROYALY??!!!' THIS MAN, was RAILED!

      There was this sermon, in Our Church, where , we were given, the nails, ETC.- so that we may SERIOUSLY , contemplate, what JESUS, gave for us! "When they asked me to place the 'STAKE,' ...I 'WEPT,' and reclaimed my seat , in the pews. FINALLY, Realising, how much of a bonehead, i AM!

             I, am Blessed with, a Super-Natural provsion, I {AM} aware of the ability to F-E-E-L, S-E-E, things, that TOO many , forget to ENvision. THE, first time, I was Shown this Grace, was-when I was home from a 'Boarding School,' I was panned off to. {PLEASE- don't get me wrong } I stepped into a World, I had NO, Idea, existed. However, since they mailed me, I chose to LEARN, how to smoke??!!!  YET- as I returned HOME, for a spell, I desired a cigarrette.  SOOOOOoooo, I decided to light up, in me Closet. 'A' Resound FEELING, came upon me, {PUT IT OUT}, still, I cast the FEELING??!!! 

               SILLY ME!

I, was BUSTED!

                  Marilyn, smoked, from the time she became conscience, 'till she couldn't hold her eyes, OPEN! WISH to Know something? For '2' L-O-N-G, I attempted to KILL her! I, could NOT stand her. HOWEVER, due to her passing, from Cancer,,I find myself, REALISING, that the Woman , was in GREAT, Mental pangs!

        'IF,' I was Charles Gerchov, and I cast my gaze, { and she said 'YES.'} I'd have been "DIE HARD," in adoring her, as well! OH- by the way, "Charles Philip Gerchov, " IS, my Daddy! He has passed ON. BUT- I am , and ALWAYS WILL BE, his little Girl.

              Marilyn- we were TOTALY , opposite.

   I, believe, I have conveyed, ENOUGH, at this time!

                  Each, and EVERY day, MORE is UNfolded toward us! It's ALL, on how one LOOKS at it!

It's just ME!

Please, allow me to schpeal!  From time to time, No matter what I do RIGHT, I , somehow feel I'm going , backwards.

             Ya'll KNOW- I was a definate skrew up, fer a lot of Years! Well, I've NOT become LESS odd! I just do it on PURE air! I , gotta be ME!

         Ryans Mommie, called , 'Children and Youth,' on me! They, are scheduled to Grace our Home, on Monday, between 3:30 and 4ish. THE, kewl THING, "IS," I have NOTHING to hide! I'm 44 years old, raising TWO, Beautiful Children, on me own.  MY BAD- OTHERS H-E-L-P!

                I got a craw in me Head! I, decided , today, to GO to "Burger King," to bless MY Children , with a S-H-A-K-E.  Ryan, works there. WE, conducted , ourselves, as Christian people. He was cordial. AND- I got to speak with those , whom I USED to WORK with. I left there, on SOLID ground, we coincided , Wonderfully.

           Megan, took a Field Trip, TODAY. She and her Classmates, got to go to the Circus! PEOPLES- lemme tell Ya, they Raked in the fun! My Husband, was the ONE, whom laced her with finances, in which to BUY stuff!! He STOOD by HER!  Despite the REALITY, that he is Fading into AIR!:(

           WISH, to KNOW- something?! I, spent MUCH of my latter Years, Castorating my past circumstances.  It has NOTHING to DO with what was! The SHIT,  canNOT excell one.  THE, Only thing it can do, is BURRY the poor slob! I, ALLOWED it to DO, Exactly THAT!

               It's A-L-L, on how you VIEW it! This , 'POOR ME,' CRAP, doesn't mean PLOP! Get over it! I BEG OF YOU! There is SOOOOOOOOOooo MUCH more, that you have to offer!

              When we went to 'Burger King,' for the shakes, RYAN, was working. He, conducted himself, Properly. He , EVEN smiled amd connected with our eyes!!  I, PRAY for him! His UPbringing, was , at the LEAST, ODD! His Mommie is , what she is. VODKA, nibbled up her mind:(. She's , sumwhat sober, at the moment. She eats VICODINE, like it's going outta STYLE??! BUT- 'tis NOT my buisness. I, WISH- I could have a pain reducer ! I , haven't a Dr.! I, can't afford one. MY, body is made of metal, and bone, with a soul, that BEATS like a Purple Rain.

           There ARE days, I canNOT move:(.  THAT- "IS," where JESUS comes in. She attempted to KILL me, AND my Children. WE STAND TALL. Due to my Physical conflict, I CONDUCTED a SOUND , OVERhaul, of Our House, and 'Children and Youth, 'can ONCE AGAIN, S-E-E, that we ARE doing the Best that We CAN!

           Lynda Rivera, requires to look at The WHOLE picture, afore she attempts to USE and ABUSE! Her Son, conducted himself, like a Person. Perhaps, she should , as well??!!!

LIFE, IS a tripp!

At 44 years of age, I am STILL , able to become mezmirised!

            Today, I bought stuff for the house, AND ME!  Yeah- I even got some 'dye' for me roots:) {spining, laughing head!}

              Tha kitties are sound and equipped. There is ENOUGH food/nibbles, untill the stamps arrive:):). AND, my OLDEST Daughter, is , at THIS moment, composing a tale on paper, that, {from what she has shared and written, so far} ROCKS!  They SAY, the accorn, doesn't fall TOO far from the tree?! What a DElight, as I observe her pumpin' it out! She EVEN cut OFF the Television! {my suggestion} However, she did NOT hesitate. She , has JUST brought in the finished persona!  Her name, signed at the bottom, was a Double of the way 'I' would have characterized my letters??!!! This shit is begining to tripp me OUT! I am NOT sure if I am doing Properly, or- if i am cascading her into MY domaine of ''oddness?'' What to do, what to do.

            "I," am a character! Yeah, so friggin' WHAT, that I quit drugs & stuff. I'm STILL M-E!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm an altercated LUNATIC, with a HUGE Heart and a mind , 'I' canNOT figure out. SOOOOoooo, AM I doing the best for these Girls?!

            In order, to assist another, and to earn $$, I have left MANY people, to , periodically stay at my /OUR House. To be Quite Honest, it was more Head-ache, than neccessary!  The LAST , was a Dude. He was an Exceptionally gifted / Beautiful one , of age 23. 

        If you will REcall, I spent FOUR, agonizing months, in the slammer, meself! THIS- is where I met his mother. Therefore, she called to ask me, whether or not, I could house him for THREE WEEKS?!! He is on House Arrest. Therfore, a box was included, and I, was SUDDENLY, restricted to 14 min. phone calls! IF- I went over, it was Quite noisey , on EACH of the sender/recipients EARS!

         NOW, this young man, has a mind, like a STEELE TRAP! From what I can gather, his B-A-D, was obtaining a stolen Computer from some other person. From what I gathered, he spoke to the Police, and stated it's 'HOTNESS'! They ASKED him to give the name of the seller, and he refused to state!

           IF- anyone, knows THIS game... Ya don't SAY Diddly! Therefore, he was incarcerated. SOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo, I accepted the housing Detail. Whence, he FIRST, Arrived, he was properly elloquent. I jacked him up, when I found , that he located work at , 'Burger King.' {{I used to work THERE}} To be VERY Honest, I am NOT, at ALL, surprised, that he is STILL doing fabulous!

          B-U-T, then came the happenings. TAX returns, came hither. I provided the bills, Bodaceously. I had an Xtra $100. He spoke and said, he had a friend, whom could Shampoo, our rugs, for that cost! I, presented him with the money. FOUR AND A HALF WEEKS, went by, and I sounded my DISpleasure. PLEASE, allow me to have me $$ BACK, and I, shall go to 'Price Chopper,' and Shampoo on me own! "can't do that, Tony has the $$, and I can't locate him!"

            I left it go fer a sec. T-H-E-N- he was rough housing with my Children, and , MEGAN, whom is my MIRACLE Child, gone through "7" brain surgeries, and has a 'SHUNT!' He S-T-E-P-P-E-D on her HEAD, and then sat on her! She , ran SCREAMING, to me, Hysterical, and there were witnesses! He saaaaaaaaaid, he did NOT! BUTT!

           I gave him the chance to,,,NOPE!

   The Crowning , WAS- since I've been doing his laundry/opened my house to him / ASKING HIM, Please, do NOT leave the T.V., o-n ALL night, and NOTHING was digested, upon Easter Sunday , approaching, I chose to END his stay! I called the proper regimines.

The F-U-C-K, if my babes and I , were gonna git stuck with his aarogant ass, all weekend! I, didn't give a poop, whether his arms were bigger than me legs! SOOOOooooo, I called it. NEXT THING- his Mama, calls , SCREAMING this, that and the Other thing at me. I hung up!

              Make a tale , shorter, he came to obtain his property. ALL- was washed and dryed. Nicely placed in CLEAN bags, and placed in the yard. I locked the doors, and went to obtain my Children, from The Y.M.C.A.! After, we arrived home, doors STILL locked, he bangs, and says, "I need to git my BOX!" I allowed him in, and, after he claimed his 'House Arrest Box,' he began to state HORRIBLE statements toward me. "What did you do to your Son?" "The reason you can't git a man or Freinds, is because your fat and Ya have no teeth!" "I'm calling Child Services , because Yer a drunken junkie!!"   FOR THE FIRST TIME-I kept my mouth shut, and Closed the door.

         He has Sensitive skin. Due to THIS- he requires a $14.00 RAZOR, that vibrates, in which to shave with. I , bought him 1! He , required socks, I got some!

            N-O-W, YES, I drink beer at home, periodically. I haven't shot ANYthing into my VEINS, in YEARS!, and if ANYONE, wishes to test me, they shall obtain 'Aquafina!'

            T-E-S-T Me! THINK , I will pay 4 it? N-O-T!   What he and his cockeyed Mom, refuse to UNDERSTAND, is- I have more consequential back up, to my mechanism / LIFE, than they , could EVEN ponder! Dunmore isn't a JOKE! For REAL, fer real, 'I' was the JOKE , to have tried to assist! Because, I am NOT rich, BIG deal.

           The Beautiful Thing IS... WE- Are a Church Family, and , simply  THAT! My Husband, canNOT , even tear me down. THAT, is why he can't stand me:) I used to be a fool Junkie! I, said NO! and I stayed that way. So- Ryan, Lynda, sorry I couldn't help more. PEACEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. It's NOT my fault.

It's been a while:(

          Ya miss me? I, missed YOU!  THIS, is the day after, Easter! I have a tale to tell.  Hope you can absorbe it. { Actually, it gives me Goose Flesh.}

         I have a Friend, named, 'Anna Young.' She, once told me a tale, of when she had EVERYTHING, a carton of cigs/food in the fridge/ ETC>! However, her Child, wished for something, than she had homadge to suffice. She looked toward THE LORD, and asked, {why?} HE, responded, ""you have all you NEED, I , shall, Covet you with what ALL you NEED!" She , then, UNDERSTOOD! AND- properly shared the Message, with [me.]

        She didn't HEAR, HIM, then- but she figured it out, a few Years , forward. {{and so do i}}

            Ya wanna know something?!! THIS- is MY truth! I, am as human as any ONE of US! NONE of US- are perfection! We seem to SEARCH, like the Dickens?!! What the pluck ARE we searching for?

             THIS, Easter, my Children and I, nibbled the Blessings UP! I was a goof, fer a sec. I THOUGHT, the 'cookbook,' said our Ham, only required a cook time , of 13-19 mins.! BALDERDASH!   It, { due to Aunt Pats, REAL book}, required to let simmer for 3 1/2 HOURS! THIS- was Fortunate! The 'Taters,' weren't done, YET, sooooooooo, we nibbled Salad/pasta/and FRESH,HOT, Crescent rolls, UNtill the rest of the entourage, Came into play:)-

              The Children, are, -at this time- PLAYING with their Friends, at , The Y.M.C.A.! During our cantor of Easter diggins' , we ALL , forgot, The Y.M.C.A., was to come into play, TODAY! AS GOD AS MY WITNESS,I've NEVER- seen them dress/make Lunches, and Scoot- THAT fast , as I did , Today!!  didn't THINK , they had it in 'em!! I-  -  - was WRONG! JUST, goes to show a person, "where there's a WILL, there's a WAY!" Tripp OUT!

          I have a SOUND, amount of RE-distrubution, to attaine to OUR HOUSE!  I wish to be able to ASK , your forgiveness, that I haven't been, MORE dilligent in my personal studies. I got UP, in me Head, and , forgot , HOW to git OUT!.../.sorry!

                 Point BEING- you have my ULTIMATE PERMISSION, to pray for me/They, ANY time~ I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAACK!  At least, fer Daaaa Moment.

        With A-L-L, DUE, respect, cool if Da POOP comes out , kindly, from me Bathroom Reader!  PEACEEEEEE!...      OH!- P.S., still horney and Dudeless!  TTYL...

                                                          P.S.S. Me friend , accross the Street- she has an OLD Puppster! Her NAME, is 'Sylvia.' we call her "Silly,"! {Yeppers! it's another Easter Blessing!!}  A glass, was broken in Their home. As they cleaned up, NO one, checked 'Sillies ,' FOOD dish!  "Silly," nibbled up a Healthy Shard!  SHE- was , this , to sat The LEAST, aiming for a detrimental demise!~ NO ONE- knew that the shard, landed!!!!!!!!!!   SOooooo, yesterday, was infectuously damned.

                                        Guess WHAT?!  TODAY- "Silvia," passed the shard, and SANG , me love song, as I visited HER! In a couple of days, I SHALL, take , the MAGIC , doggie brush, and fix her up, like NObodies Buisness! She-is The Syl! AND- i AM, Honored to have known HER! AND- thanks BE-to JESUS, she, I CONTINUE, to! Takes a BODACEOUS PUP, in which to nibble a Shard of GLASS, take a day to feel like shit, and come back-SHINING! THIS!!!!!!!!, Should be a resolution to ALL of us!- SHURE- shit gets TOUGH!  However, ALL of us, CAN elevate, to the Promise of continuance! It's, {to me,} kinda- sorta, a LOT, like, "Forrest Gump!" ""Life gives Ya , a box of Chocolates, Ya NEVER KNOW- what Yer gonna GET!""

                  i WAS- a junkie, drug addict! MY, SOULFULL purpous, was , ESPECCIALLY, on Friday Night- 'THIS- is MY time to go to the bar/ ETC.!" I'm STILL , not TOO bad lookin', AND, I have BETTER THINGS, to do with my BODY / TIME! """I""" , have a RIGHT, to orchestrate COOKOUTS! I, have a RIGHT- to git silly with Me Babes! I, have The RIGHT, to acknowledge, that , "Lifes' a tripp!" Best I can tell Ya- 'Git -R-Done!' ""Larry The Cable Guy.""

            At the moment, I am on the PHONE, with me Neighbor, JEN! It, would appear, that I, AM, invited, to JOIN, Jen and SOUND , Musical Cherubs, that WILL be performing , at a SOUND , neighborhood PUB- and "I," have BEEN invited:)-!  I, INTEND, to CONDUCT, myself, in the Joyous, and Proper composieure, as i AM, built to DO! THIS- is NOT a Joke! Allow me to ask a question! WOULD you , permitt , yourself, to build a Masterpiece, only to find , YOUR MASTERPICE would fail?!? I, HAVE done WELL- at my betterment. THIS, will allow me to GO- and , attaine my ACHE, to REvisit to my younger Escapades:)- For , ONE evening, I SHALL be worthy of 'Kicking up Me heals!'

           I, SHALL conduct myself, in a reputable manor! W-H-Y,,,?, BECAUSE , I AM , Wortrh it!

               TTYL... PEACE Be Untoo....  I'm sik and plucking tired, to HAVE to Hear, anothers repreave. I, am NOT stupid! I have a pulse, and I have a HEART, that beats WILD, as a Fearies Wings in Flight!

DEAR GOD, help...

  LORD, I've missed this!

            SO, many things have been going on, these days. I, have grown stronger, less fearfilled, YET- I'm an idiot! SO, many things are going in a fortitude way, but, it's like I take a few steps , forward, and jack meself "7" backwards?!!

                ALLOW ME TO TRAVEL BACKWARDS,  fer a sec.

               YESTERDAY- was me Birthday. I revelled into the 44th Year of my existance. Within my ENTIRE existance, I would, without a doubt, get monstrously  obliterated! Yesterday- I didn't! I 'spose there's a first for everything. I cooked, enjoyed, Basked in the LOVE of my Children. We nibbled, WELL, and awoke , WITHOUT, a headache!!!!!!!!!!!

      There is a NEW addition, to our family. There is a young man, whom is residing with us, named 'Ryan,' He was placed in jail, for being HONEST!

THINK , I'm kidding, THINK again. He was the recipiant of a stollen computer. 'In Realising THIS, he called the police, provided the machiene, BUT-  -  - was jailed for ONE month, since he, { appreciating his life } would NOT disclose the NAME of the seller!!!!!!!!!!!

            Community, he's 23! I, am 44. He doesn't smoke/drink/do drugs/ AND- he adores OUR LORD! Community, he's friggin' GORGEOUS! The young Man has a mind like a Steele TRAP! S-H-O-O-T me, I'm infatuated! He loves aminals and he is SOOOOOOoooooo Proper , with My Children!      I've been PRAYING, 4 a sound companion!!  He, even cooks/cleans! He is RESOUND in his appearance, and conducts himself, at his BEST. [I'M IN NIRVANA]...............  He holds down "2" jobs, and NEVER, seems to lose focus!

           The man, offers me $$, so as to NOT use Us, and , it breaks me heart to accept it.

             Yesterday, 'The Upper Room,' commended me for assisting my fellow man. As GOD as my witness, 'tis The Only thing/REASON, I'm doing this. I've BEEN where he is, and it SUCKS! His Momma, can't even assist! She, is on, what is called the S.C.R.A.M. bracelette! ""THIS,"" is a device, that will take readings, in order to detect ANY, kind of alcohol!!!!!!  Therefore- since I'm living a purer fashion of lifestyle, NOTHING is strapped to me leg!   I can dance with the BEST of Us. I, HAD one, but I graduated. {THANK GOD }  I'm so fucked up.LOL-

                    I, WISH I could ask your direction, as to my hormonal whimsie!

 

                Let us revert to another topic. THE GIRLS! Report cards came out. I, had , removed them from The Y.M.C.A., after School program. I had notices, sent home, saying they were FALLING , Rapidly! SOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo, I slashed The "Y', and began HANDS ON attention. Their Grades came UP, a bit, and , due to the reign of marilyn, I was NOT going to JAMM crap down their throats~! A-L-L, require to BREATHE'! sumtimes:)-

           SO!- they will remain at School, and be Tutored, 2 days, and then , I shall pick 'em up from the "Y," '3' days a week. PERSONALLY, for ME, if Ya try to jamm sumpthin' down my throat, I'll YAK, right in your face! HOWEVER, if ya just kick me in the ass, periodically, I'm WAY, more receptive??!!!   MAIN point, IS- NO one said I was norml, STILL- I , A-M trying! I , Continue to pray , that my Children, ARE, in SOME profound way, enriched! Darn it, I'm just a Carly! Shit does NOT begin, NOR end with me! There has GOT to be a superior plan! To be Honest with Ya- I'm an INTENSE , whack job.KOOL part, IS- I'm gentle, and I don't hurt peoples, anylonger. As a matter of fact, i am capeable to instill Growth, these days.      !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

           PLEASE, forgive my hormonal IMbalance. I continue to have a PULSE. I, ACHE for a Sound , strength orientated soul to cuddle! I, Shall behead my thoughts, of the young man, whom resides with me! HE deserves a righteous opportunty, to SPREAD HIS WINGS, and F-L-Y!  He's Tubular, from his Heart!

              " HE , leadeth me beside still, waters. In ALL my issues, I, MUST acknowledge HIM, and HE will guide my path," Peace be Unto...

YOU, tell me...

Did you know, I have a bleeding heart?!! WELL- I do. I work so DARN Hard, at being a Proper Christian. Yet- I loose my flippin' mind, periodically?! This , 'New Years,' I krept into it, with profound Joy, and Optimism. I've STILL got a bunch of it, B-U-T, my frustrations keep messin' with me!

          I have canned the Y.M.C.A., for the Girls, for I felt their Schoolastic abilities were being threatened. We, STILL, belong, and can visit, when err we wish, BUT- "The Latch Key," thingy, will be put on hold fer a while. Those Grades, MUST come up! Bottom Line!!!!!!  Even Megoras' penmanship, is improving, since I have made the stand , I have.

         Wish to KNOW what KILLS ME? The ploppin' MATH, escapes me profusely, and I doubt myself, for taking the road I have chosen. I, didn't STOP, There! I have placed them into 'Tutoring,' at School, after classes are done. Yo!- they squank with MATH, well.  { i just took a DEEP breathe.}

           perhaps, SOMEONE, could rejuvinate me, since , I am finding myself, Inadequate. ALL, 'round us, have more $$ than 'Trump?!!' Precious People, we have so , VERY much, BUT- our clothes are of , { I can sew that } and , "Oxy Clean," can make SUCH, the difference.

         With your permission, I wish to say, "A few, told me, " DO NOT have Children, UNless Ya got a cash flow, like none-other!" I, THOUGHT, boink you! It ALL , comes from the Heart and Soul! Peoples, I am finding, this , 'perhaps,' may NOT be conclusive??!!!!!!!!  Awe, I'm a Goof-Ball! YES- it DOES! It comes from down, DEEP inside!  PARDON, if I offend! However, 'who the fuck cares, IF, yer clothes, are NOT , 'Armani?!!'  It's WHO'S inside, that MAKES, The REAL difference! Still, I ALLOW it to cash in on me Heart, from time to time. Please, HEAR me, when I share, that my Babies are NOT dressed as paupers! We, simply, don't share the UNneed of stitches or patches?!! Big, Ploopin' DEAL! Dey's Warm, CUTE and colourefully precise! Their nails are done Nicely, their HAIR, is Quite performed, and ETC.!     Personally, however, "Judge NOT, lest thou be Judged," I've seen some in our JUDGED SLOT! Pardon, but a few, on the down scale, altered from ours!

         Granted, and Thankfully, some of the Parents, are delighted, to allow THEIR Children, to spend the weekend with us! Their Children are LOVED, FED -nicely, and pampered, best we have. BOTH, Child and Parental Units, are Pleased:)-

                     Megora, is now , in a class, which will Teach her, 'Sign Language!' She ellected this, so that she could express LOVE to those, whom cannot HEAR. THIS- leads me to share with you, an instance, which happened, when we went to the Site, where our Family is lain to rest, TWO blocks, from our residence. On, 'Memorial day, last year, we took 'Chopped Chicken Livers, and Matzoh, and sped to our Family plots. We took, a 'Walkman, and placed on the station, "Classical Musik." Papa, 'Charles Philip Gerchov,' adores it! We dined and spent time with ALL of our passed Family, AND, their neighbors.NOW- in THAT segment of the Cemetary, it is Proper, that one places a stone, upon the top of the Head Stone, to show that the Person was visited. As we departed, { and- I was UNaware my Children, had collected,Several stones } there were a few, whom had NONE, atop of theirs. Megan, asked, "WHY, Mommie, do thet NOT have stones?" I, responded, that, "Perhaps, they passed LONG ago, and Their Families , aren't near enough to leave one."              Upon our departure, she AND Ashley, emptied their collection, upon those , without. I, LISTENED, as they stated, ' I know you don't KNOW me, BUT- you are NOT forgotten. Rest In Peace.'

            Had THAT...had ANYthing to do with the clothes?!! I, think NOT!

                  I have NO boyfriend. I, have NOT the love of the husband I cannot afford to divorce. I, am so lonely. BUT- I have the Lord Jesus, I have Friends, and I have Gail! I BEG yur forgiveness, at times, I simply wish I had a SOUND  BODY to hold me back. I'd snuggle the daylights, outta some ONE! BUT- I would be more delighted, in which to C-A-R-E for the person, in the Coolest ways. These ways , would be , Spiritual, emotional,edible {food wise.} I ASK you. PLEASE send me your prayers of comfort. I have ALL I Really need. Forgive me . for being selfish. I just MISS, being hugged. Ya know, I used to take PRIDE, in being a Wonder Woman type. It's gittin' OLD!

          I can only hope, ALL of you, have one , whom to give you a REQUIRED Hug...

          Yesterday, I scooped up some delectable nibbles. They shall be able to sustain us for , at LEAST , three weeks:)- THESE nibbles, are NOT junkfood! I, am capeable , of orchestrateing some delectable meals, for TWO of The Coolest , shorter peoples, I know.

          Speaking of Peoples- I, am working , on crochetting a VEST, for my son, whom my addiction , caused me to paralize. I, WAS- gonna do a sweater, BUT- his Linda told me he OVERheats, Easily. SOooooo, I, X-Nayed the sleeves. I, canNOT wait, untill I can bestowe it to him. I made it , a bit larger, so as it will FIT- for quite some time. THIS way, he can touch the stitches, and K-N-O-W, I stitched it from my heart! MUCH alike, the Prayer shawls, I bestowed for my Church Family Members. They didn't take $$...They TOOK L-O-V-E!           It is NOT, what I do! It , 'IS,' why/how and HOW, I DO it! Same, as WHY, I am orchestrating me BOOK! I, wish NOT, to direct, Nor Preach! Simply , to share some tid-bits, that aide moi'! "SHARING IS CARING."

 

           PLEASE, do NOT give up. NOTHING, Good, comes Easy! Most of the time, I BEG to differ??!!! Thanks BE- I spank meself. and move, FORWARD...

Pardon, I've been a bit Dormant...

          It's been a while! I, DO, apologise!!!!!!!!  Due to the Holidays, Etc., I had to shut sumpthin' down. SO- I took a break on Da BOOK.

       SOOOOoooo, Very MUCH, has transpired. AND- I'm Thrilled to be able to share it with you.

        The Holidays, were astounding! THEY, were NOT filled with $$, gifts, and what not. It was filled with , sensations of GIVING, from what we could MAKE, ETC.! F-u-n part, WAS, the gifts we bestowed, were accepted with HEARTfelt smiles and Love! "Boscoves," couldn't hold a candle to US!

         I , MUST say, the gifts, didn't , only stem from Christmas. They began LONG afore. YEAH!- we are poor folk. However, we have been presenting our LIVES, as Gifts!! We are conducting ourselves, in a manner , that is OUTSTRETCHES ourselves, in ALL we attempt. There were times, when we were needed as a Friend. There were times, when we were NEEDED as Christians. There were times, when, we , SIMPLY, were humain and Helpful, without asking, nor wishing for ANYthing in return! For me...'tis THE ONLY way, manner or fashion, that one designates a show of help/ concern/ favor!!

           We belong to a Church, where we FINALLY, belong. It IS teaching us, MANY aspects, of living a BETTER life. This is NOT a Church that stuffs stuff down our throats! As a matter of fact, 'I' am actually, attending Bible Classes, and am listened to, when I wish to share, { wierd as it may be } THEY wish to listen?!! As I am told, things I convey, {in my weird way} are understood, and taken to heart??!!!! 

         For Christmas, since we are slim on finances, I MADE prayer shawls, for the Friends we have made. GOD, and Shewwie Davidge, have allowed me to become, quite the crochetter. SO- I orchestrated shawles , for many of the 'Family'members.  I, also, put into realm, my ability to create cards, written from my heart, in my artistic penmanship.

       Miss Regina, {a devout Catholic,} responded to the card I orchestrated for her, with her gift, WITH TEARS IN HER EYES-  that, my card was written in, such depth, and sincere elloquence, she could scarcely endure?!!!!!  I, was FLOORED! For, I was , always, under the impression, she thought I was a dweeb?!  Personally, I find her a mentor. She stands for such , resound strength, and control. me- , well, I am a strung out Hippie Freak. There, {to what I could SEE }be,  no POSSIBLE way, we could connect. FACT of the matter, 'IS,' she Related to me, in ways, that are UNexplainable. However, THEY are REAL. I, had FINALLY , begun to graduate, to an actual PERSON, instead of a useless REBEL. The LORD, has guided me, {and I LISTENED,} in order to punctuate me, into a Family, that appreciated my colourefullness. As WELL, as, I was permitted, to apply those coloures, withOUT , having to be brass!

         TOO MANY , of my years, 'I'd wished, I had NEVER been born , at ALL!' Today, I am realising, that 'HE,' had a divine PLAN, I, couldn't have fathomed in my wildest dreams.

         PLEASE, do NOT confuse what I am revealing. I have MUCH, MORE to LEARN!!!!!!!!!!!!  However, today, I have EARNED sight of the FACT, that I can actually understand that! Beside the FACT, that there IS hope for me, YET! Allow me to be MORE precise.

               Tomorrow, { since we are recipients of "Section 8," a housing blessing, will be inspected , so as we are permitted to continue , Because of this Program! The state of Penna., provides some, from a program, where, The State helps pay, 45 %, of simple peoples' RENT.

       My YOUNGEST Daughter, reminded me of IT, lest , three hours ago!! An inspection, demands UTmost attention! Therefore, the THREE of us, locked HOOK, LINE amd SINKER, into preparing the Castle, into TIP-TOP shape!!!!!!!!  it's quite COOL, cuz, we love Da Castle to begin with. SO- it wasn't TOTALLY , mind boggling, in which to prepare. WE, Adore our setting!

         I, MUST, become Painfully HONEST! As, in, the latter part of my book...I revealed, that , I-WAS an imbosilic drug/alcohol TWERP!!  N-O-T, Today!!               Please, do NOT git it twisted...DUE TO my idiotic escapades, I AM, feeling the repricussions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  YEP, broken back/metal leg /spazmodic brain!!!!  However, I am ABLE to use my HEART/mind and SOUL, in fashions, I NEVER accomodated! I, am a SINGLE Mommie, whom has MORE ZEST, than I could have immagined. YEAH- I'm a bit odd! Saints Be Praised, I, FOUND- I have a heart, which BEATS, as Fierce as a Faeries Wings!!!!!!!!! {In Flight!}     There IS a profound REALITY! TOO, many, Search for someone ELSE, to adore THEM??! 'Bottom Line- 'IS," why must it come from ,  someone ELSE?? '               I, am FINDING, that Da BEST, comes FROM- LOVING, and appreciating, ones OWN self! 'Taint no fart gonna be ABLE, to disagree!!!!!!  Carly is FINDING, it canNOT be duplicated, NOR, shortchanged, if 'IT,' comes from within!

          Yeah- a WHOLE, lot of PENT UP emotion! It's been a WHILE. Please, Pardon me.

             MAY, I request a Flavor? Send us your PRAYERS, for tommorows shake down?!:)- TYVM...