Tuesday, January 30, 2007

I TOLD you, I'd fill Ya in...

HERE, is THE outcome, from the $40,000.00 check thang. There is, a person, on the WEB, whom, is having a field day, by snatching up, innocent ,bystanders!! They fill your head with promise, and , EVEN mail Ya, a fraudulent check! Me, personally...threw up, after I received it!  BUT, that's not the jist.

        I HAVE to be honest. I juggled a thousand ways to put the peddle to the metal, and take 'em ALL to the bank!! "I didn't ask for this!", "How can they git blood from a stone?", "I have bills, I shall cash it, -JUST partly, and place the rest in a secure account, and spend the rest of my existance, paying what I took , back." "The girls could have dance classes." FUCK IT! I'm going to turn it in, and say, OH WELL- I didn't REALLY have it to begin with, so , wazzup?        It WAS Fun, whilst it lasted!

          Ya know...NOTHING terrific, comes EASY!!

Monday, January 29, 2007

As the New Year, begins, I am astounded.

Now, granted, as each New Year, comes upon me, altercations, DO apply. MANY additives, have made themselves, known, and worthy. My job, is going , quite well!   The girls, got their Report Cards, today, and , quite frankly, Ashley, whom was bound for dust mites, has picked UP, in a most resiliant direction! AND, then, there's Megan, whom, I am QUITE able to be present, to observe, "kickin' butt!" However, her teacher, has the unrealistic way of crossing facts!! I sign, each and EVERY one of her TESTS/assignments, as well as to watch her blossom, like I could only DREAM of.

               Back in the day- - - - - - I'd have ripped the woman a NEW crevace. Still, I AM progressing. SO- I orchestrated a proper letter, intricately worded, requesting , NOT only a confrence, BUT- one, which INCLUDES her Principal/latter teachers. I'll be darned, from what Megan , Continues to report to me, that, she FEELS, Ms. Comparetta, has a bad taste for her, AS WELL- as the results/tests/tasks + grades, just do NOT match, and I'll be hornswaggled, if this witch is going to cast a dark mark, on my daughters record!

          - - -I worded it , well.

                In obtaining my mail, at the end of me work day, children fed, schooled, etc.,I find a check! This, seems to be a ORIGINAL DOCUMENT, { NO,} fine print, and , using the web...I find it to be , quite REAL. - - - - -  -I , do NOT know ALL of my Daddys' ways!! However, it would appear, that I have an authentic check, for the amount, of, $ 40,000.00?!

              I, immediately, AFTER checking, said, Thank you, JESUS. Don't git me wrong, I am QUITE, Grateful!! But, talk about HAVING to git a REAL P-E-E-K, at how to go about Dealing with this. There are taxes/loss of Section 8/loss of Welfare/ ETC.! I, MUST requisition, how to disburse it, for ALLs BEST. "IF," I were imbosilic enough to attempt to hide ANYTHING, 'twould be a FEDERAL OFFENSE! (((((NOT- that I would!))))) I, have just , not had the opportunity, to deal with something of this magnatude.    FORTUNATELY, I have a SOUND pal, whom is a SORCERER, at finances! He, is a stable rock, in whom I may place my trust, in providing, PROPER direction. I tell you THIS! MOST of it, after Uncle Sam, will be placed in certificate deposit, for my children!!!!!

               Let's calm , fer a sec. TOMORROW, will reveal ALL! Fear NOT, I shall share with me Precious pages of solace, what pops up!! For this evening, me eyes are spining, and , 10 A.M., Section 8, comes to inspect, to { at least for a few } provide a sound residence for my children and myself.          Told Ya, it was a cool Bathroom reader.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

I think, therefore, I AM!

Candles, are quite illuminating.I, choose to orchestrate them about, when err I can.It provides me with a sentual , effravescent.

           I, am completely aware, that , I usualy , am drawn to my pages, when the poop hits the fan. However- there have been QUITE a few entries, where I have been LOADED with joys, gratitudes and gleams! I have learned/ AM learing, that , there IS, Yin/Yang! One, cannot have one , without the other.

                NOW- lets git honest. I've made , MANY a bone head move/ sustinence, in my life. Yet, these days, play a Complete turn around, and it KEEPS turning. There are times, I'm not , quite sure , who the fuck I am! I spent YEARS!, fighting , tooth and nail, against EVERYTHING! WHATTHEPLUCK, these days, I am cooking life, on "simmer." I am finding, the BEST flavors , come from that type of sautee'.

         Pardon, but I wish to present an asimilie. My job! Lemme tell Ya'll , something...I friggin' detested any kind of Work/Responsibility/succession. It, gave me a head ache! Now, granted, I don't dig it ALL the time...BUT- I am becoming , Better, and finding a place of respect, that, { I am finding out , NOW } is what the fuck I was looking for  the whole , darn time!

           AND, it doesn't STOP, at JUST , the job. The parental progress, the REALITY, of two, Young cherubs, whom , I MUST say, copy what I THOUGHT, was just a thing, and , they are FINDING, MUCH, better things , in which to reflect upon. Talk about a re-sounding board!       "DID I SAY THAT?"    YUP, Mom, Ya DID! Incredible!

       I, shall turn 43, on Jan 27th, 1964. Well, in 2007! And, Ya wish to know something? I, have JUST begun to Learn. I, for my Birthday, hope to continue. When my Daddy passed on, on Nov. 20th,2006, I reached out for these , SO CALLED family units, that, he found cool. When I did, I got slapped in the face with a bout of excrushiating disgust!! ONE, man, Phil Gorchoff, was , actually KIND/helpfull. The rest of 'em, can kiss my gludious maximous- - - -JOBIE, FUCH YOU! I found 'em, too many of 'em, to be users, without a caring bone in their makeup! I, SWORE, I'd send her a card with pics. She can gut my drainpipes,I ain't sending her shit! NOW, granted, my Daddy didn't do EVERYTHING, well. BUT- these assholians, used him, as much as he used them! No wonder , I ripped her model photo into three parts.YEARS AGO! I wouldn't allow her to change me Depend!! Perhaps, this isn't Christian of me...but, she ain't no GOD send, either!

             Ya know, I, SOMEWHAT, kinda-sorta, understand, what Marilyn, went through. 'Taint no place in this family, even for members, and I hope, ONE day, they figure it out. They WON'T.THE LORD, blessed me with an attitude.Perhaps, so I wouldn't git sucked in. THE, cool part...is , HE placed a person or two, that were/ARE WAY righteous, and the Gorchoffs can kiss our petubies, we ROCK, and they can continue to try to figure it out. "Blowin' in the Wind."Bob Dylan." Just curious. "How many ears, may one man have, before , he can hear, people cry?" Good Night.

            "There's a lonely man, here in the corner, what he/she wants, I don't know."

Thursday, January 18, 2007

pERHAPS, i AM A bit ODD?!!

I, wish to logg, that, with all those days OFF - - - my REentry, into work, was QUITE sore! Jeepers, I Move, all day long, but , THERE IS a difference!

           My check, was stollen, from WORK! NO PROB.....I'll git a replacement, in 7-10 buisness days, directed to me Home. The weird part, IS, the ONE, whom I "thought," May have, has NOT shown up at work, the Entire week?!!

           Me Question, IS, if and when she does return...what DO I do???? I'm, NOT in the mood , to flail her. Personally, I'd just be cool, to forget it. STILL, it STILL peeves me OFF! THAT, was $$$$ , that I required for the HOUSE/Children! 'Twasn't a WHOLE lot, BUT! I, HEAR, in Feb., our minimum wage, goes UP to 7 something, per hr.! Whootie -Who.    For REAL, 4 real, it makes the whole scenario, a bit MORE enticing.

          I, Most likely, sound like  a goof. Well, SUE me! There was a DElightful aquisition, that HAD taken place. Each Thursday night, IS, "Ugly Betty "night. This transposed, between my friend, Jen, and I. The show, is a riot! And, Jen and I took precidence, in enjoying the claim we placed , upon her. It lasted, perhaps, "4" nights, and THEY were a gas! NO stupid stuff. Just nibbles and UGLINESS, we happened to Identify with.

         HERE!- IS- THE thing! She drinks to the point of depression/pass OUT, and, it's UP 2 ME, to fill her in on what she's closing the door on??! ALLOW me to be MORE succinct. She can't even git over to me house! She resides, ACCROSS the street!

          My heart ACHES for her, for she has placed ALL her soul, into this dude, 32 years- - - - and , when she got sick, he tossed her, and began a life of his OWN! She, STILL, kisses his butt, for, as she does, he helps her with finances, and , Uses her to do ALL he requires, for him to carry ON.

           I, am INcaPABLE of saying TOO much. It'll peeve her off, and THEN, I shall be DISincluded. WHY- must so much be the ULTIMATE patoff? SHE- is my friend! STILL, I am silenced. Periodically, I spew. We lock horns, and , unresoundly, begin to giggle, for THAT, IS The Only way out!

           As GOD as my witness, I have NO idea, what the WHOLE picture IS! But, Dag Nibbit, I got a slight reason of the quota! What the pluck do I DO, to urge HER to DO What?!! I keep telling her, that The LORD, "if ya let HIM, Will provide." HER, format, is, I can't let John GO! I said, John, ISN'T THE LORD! "He is to me.", was her SOUND response.

                   I'm , MOST likely, the MOST nuttiest person, for, I , am NOT sure, how to detail my OWN existance! Yet- I, am watching a Beautiful PERSON, being swallowed by a Whyskie Bottle?!! THIS, is a woman, whom had a GRAND practice, of CAREING for ELDERLY folk, and , NOW , has trouble careing for her pets/herself?!!                She carts my ass, each time she goes to the store, AND- I OWE her! SHE, owes herself, her life!

                 Awe, fuck it, I can't do EVERYTHING. "WISH I COULD." BUT- I'm just a Caroline.

                O.K., me question, IS,why do I...git a chance to progress? AND, someone else, can't?!!          END of the story!

               My Daddy, my ROCK at ALL of the times, is above. It's ALL up to me, now?!! This fuckin' schitt, is messing with me. I, haven't the code of Da Vinci, and it's messing with, what, due to ME- is all I have left of me MIND! I, am ANGRY and aching! DON'T kill me....I UNDERstand, i have BEAUTIFUL eccentuates, that DEPEND upon me! BUT- THIS is MY pages, and I feel like an IDIOT!-Today. I, fucking ROCKED, at WORK! They cut my hours, BIG time! However, I go IN, with my usual charisma, and ...I make ALL giggle! I, also, do my tasks WELL!  The BAD part , of it , IS, I come home, at a point, where I canNOT , flippin MOVE/nor think.

            i, AM not TRYING TO GET ASSISTANCE, FOR nothing! tHE sCHITT, IS killing me, and me body. I, canNOT stop, for I am responsible for my Babies! The problem, IS, I am Incapeable, of sharing ME, with THEM, for I am in TOO much pain. It's gotten to the point, THEY, take care of THEM/ME??!

             It's about, THAT time! I, canNOT stay sitting , anylonger. BUT- I Thank you, for allowing me to git what I HAD to, OUT! I got this HERBAL stuff, to HELP me sleep, and I MUST succumb to it , NOW. "IF," you can avoid this bunch of UNneccessary stuff, DO IT! THE Party scene, is a plop! IT, Will rob you of all that IS SO cool!

            WHEN, a person in your lives, NEEDS you...YOU won't HAVE it to GIVE!


Friday, January 12, 2007

The week, goes ON, and , IT's Just what I think, IF, anyone cares.

BESIDES, going through , some sorta pubescent THANG, with Ashley...I got paid, yesterday. Due, to me being a flagrant softy, and , she, manipulating me , through caverns, I- NEVER knew existed, they cut me hours at work! My check was a JOKE, for TWO weeks of employment! STILL- $120.11, is more than I had in me pocket !

          I placed it, in my backpack, and continued on with my work.

     Having TODAY , OFF-, I tended to my Children, and left the bag on the floor. As I awaite Jen, to get together, so that she carries me to the store/check cashing place, that, charges me $3.00, in which to cash it, I began to prepare. As I went into the pack, NO CHECK was there! I, did NOTHING! No drinking, AND, drugs are NOT a part of my existance!! When they gave us our checks , yesterday, I placed it in me bag, and a woman, kept putting food in me bag. I, am NOT acusing, ANYONE! The flippin' check is gone, and I took the time, to report it to the proper representitives. I, am assured, it shall be reinstated, and mailed to my home. END OF STORY. Almost. This scenario, places a rotten feeling, as I work at my job. Still, I KNOW, by praying to JESUS, I shall walk through it, untouched! Not a word, will I say, and that will be the end. Whoa- I'll NOT allow anyone , in me bag , again. DONE!

            It's the devil. He KNOWS, the routes I have chosen, and he's peeved! I, AM a Christian, and I need NOT, to call upon him! YEP!- once in a blue moon, I masturbate/do things I most likely shouldn't, like invite others whom use me as a doormat, BUT- JESUS forgives me for getting lonely/frustrated and bored. So, I'll keep trying me BEST, and all will be fine.

             For REAL, fer real, I have NEVER, conducted myself, as well, as I do NOW! The  {pardon } FUCK, if, I am going to back out , now!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

I, am IN need of success!

Did Ya EVER have one of those weeks??

            Allow me to get MORE to the point. I have sustained a job, and , actually find it stimulating! However, BECAUSE, I am a single parent, I, have had the need , to, take some days OFF, in order to care for my Children! In, retrospect, they have cut my hours from 20, to 15 hours , per week, and ask me to go home, an hour EARLIER, than I was scheduled for, due to slow buisness, and too , many persons, in the switch shift??!!!

          I've  been behaving, BETTER, than I EVER have, in my LIFE! Yet, with the constant dealings with work/children/house follies, the other day, I invited a , so - called friend, to come , EAT/drink, and play some cards. She decided to bring others with her. 'Twas cool, UNTILL, the dude fell on the floor.

          I, swept him up/walked him around, and sent him on his way. HE WAS BEREFT, AFORE HE SHOWED! Yet, he played it , pretty well! I, of course, spoke to her, and stated my disturbance, in her thought process.

        MAKE, a long story shorter...my child was bothered , and told the school, of the weekend follies. THEY- reported it to Children and Youth, and, I, now, must go back to assenine meetings, when I COULD be at work!

             No biggie! So what...that I just lost my Daddy, RIGHT afore the Holidays, am caring for my Children, ALONE, and trying to do me BEST! O.K., I made a profound goof!! AWEEEEEEEEEEEEe, I gave all me beer to the neighbor, and now, have to deal with everything, on Tylenol PM, for I can't get a bit of sleep, since me nightmares , just, won't quit.

            I had gone the distance, and found organisations, to help us...INCLUDING, a counselor/tutor, for Ashley, since she is going to FAIL 5th grade, and, now, I'm getting my touchie chewed off. I, shall, NOW, have to delve further, and , coax me Boss, to award me 5 more hours, in order to obtain, "Title 20," so as to NOT have to pay my neighbor, a fee, in which to provide for them, when they are sick, the days , I MUST fullfill my job deeds!

              Granted...I realise, there are lots of Mommies, whom are footing the bills! But, Dag Nibbit- I'm getting to a point, where I , am NOT sure, which way is up??!!!

            I, USED, to go OUT, and let loose on society, to gain a bit of ground for me OWN feet, to reside upon.I, do NOT have the time/strength, these days! SO- I invited a , HalfWay spot, so I could care for the girls/play some cards , too! I made , GOOD food, and expected the same , in result.

           Ya wish to know the COOLEST part of this?!! I, again, LEARNED a SOUND relization, as well as a closieur, to an UNhealthy associate. It's a rotting , pickle, when Ya reach out to someone, only to get USED/andABUSED!  WHY, is it, that SO many take kindness/welcome, for a doormatt??

            It, somewhat, amazes me, that, even , when my daddy was sickly...others , were NOT , very willing to F__k with me! I, MUST buck up! Thank goodness, The Father, is still on me side.I, simply, MUST get a stronger spine! The Girls, are facing some stuff, of Their own. I, am reaching for assist! Still, I wish to share something , with you. SAMPSON- wasn't READY for these issues! I, am NOW, being compared to my EX-husband, whom has cast them OUT! THEY- are PEEVED/ hurt! YET- not convinced, it's NOT, ALL my fault. OH- YEAH, they ARE, reaching their Womans' DAY! Pimples, included~

                 From a woman, whom, was a pischer, MOST of her life, HOLY HOBINIEROS, what a wake up!        Thank you...

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

The Holidays are over...here comes the new stuff!

I, am NOT sure , where in GODS' name, this one is goiug. All I know, is I had a deep seeded need, to let the pluck lose!

         Now, as I believe, I shared before,CHRISTMAS- was an ENTIRE blessing! B-U-T, as the New Year, comes into play, AND, I'm all THINKIN' all is so darn cool...Reality shows up, and knocks my ass on the floor.

         All...WAS well! THEN, I found out that my oldest...daughter, has a need for a check up, from the neck up! She got herself, suspened from the Y.M.C.A., due to her raucus attitude, and, since, STUPID ME, decided to invite a friend over for a Saturday evening, which of course, she brought a couple friends, Ashley was aching for a bit of extra attention, the Monday following, and in her E.L.F Group, decided to bare all, and , as well, make up a whole bunch of tales to her teacher!

        Granted, the teacher , gave her a pinky swear, it was JUST between them, BUT, Fortunately, for the sakes of ALL children, called Children and Youth! As I am at work, and had arranged a visit to the dentist, for Megan, by my neighbor, due to her nibbling a caramel, and breaking her spacer, as well as providing CARE for Ashley, the one, whos attitude was abominable, and- I could continue to work... tells me, as I entered the house...C&Y was here!

           I don't mind saying, I AM, trying my hardest. AND- on Saturday night, one of the extras, decided to fall off the chair, and , after I walked him around, put him on his way, SAFELY, and , we THEN , continued on with photographed fun, and , then went to bed.

           THIS- was NOT enough for Ashley. During her group episode, felt the need to lay me out, due to HER fault of getting suspended. Well, she did a GREAT job!

         When I GENTLY asked,......WHY BABE?, she replied," I'm the only one atthe "Y," whom doesn't have a DADDY. " She then, stated, "He TELLS us , we can go visit him, but ALWAYS says "NO," in the end."

         I tried to explain to her, he has a difficult life...WELL-"so does everyone !"


                      So, I took a different route. I said, "O.K., so, what you are saying, is , KNOWING, that I am without a DADDY, to GOD, I , can just quit me job, and lay around , watching Soap Operas, all day!"  "It's not the same thing!," she screamed. "Who's going to take care of us?"            "It's not my thang, anylonger! I don't have a DADDY!" "You can't do that!"- - - - -"SOOOOOOOOOOoooooo, why do YOU git 2?"

            I was told, I'm not playing fair.        "Neither are you.", I stated. SO- I callled for back up. I, am getting her some counseling, and have informed the units, of , what's REALLY , going on!

                                           ...OH!, she faked being sick this morning. I skipped work to be there for her, and took the time to, after I calmed down, gave her feet a pedicure. SHE WAS ASTOUNDED!


           I've been in a disfunctional setting, afore. The LAST...fucking thing that , I feel , is needed, is a tongue lashing. I, provided, against ALL my grains, a sense of UTTER ATTENSION. The gentle kind. By this, I feel, a Better begining, can begin.          I have NO tongue , left!!:) I chewed it off. I'll be darned, if I'm going in a direction, that I couldn't stand, as I grew up with those damn Growing pains!!      After, when we went to git Megan, and , explored her homework/papers, we found a NEW propaganda, offering , "Cheerleading Class, for an hour, cost - - - - -$10.00 per child. "    Make a long story, MUCH shorter, and against EVERY grain of my entity,       I allowed her to call her dad, and leave a message, as , for , this is what she wished.                WE- Still, haven't HEARD a word.

                As I stated, I have reached OUT, for support, from Avenues, that are MORE , qualified than I, alone. I tell you , TRUTH BE TOLD!, I KNOW, what it feels like to be quit on! I, shall NOT back down! SHE, may require, a bit more than I can handle, BUT- she's GOING to  get what and all, she needs!

              Thanks BE- I got to share this , from me HEART. Ya know, MEGAN, reminded me, as we waited for Ashley, to RE-obtain her missing Bookbag, ...Ash, told us to go home...she'll see us THERE! "WE WAITED!" Ashley asked, WHY??,     OUTOFTHEMOUTHSOFBABES, Megan said, "WE...ARE The pwerpuff Girls!" "NONE, are left behind!"

Friday, January 5, 2007

You tell me!

 Lightbulb IdeaThere is a whole lotta stuff, going on in me life! NOW., I USED to git pathetic, about it, and , completely DESTROY myself!!     I, have reached a space, where, I HAVE found, ..."FUCKING WHY??????????"

                       Just, 'cuz, something isnt going the way I chose it to go, does NOT mean, I must faulter , into a catagory of imbosilicness!  "THIS," is where I am allowed to git UP and Dance! I, may not do it as well as another...BUT, I gave it a shot!

              Club Me 1 

                       "THIS," was the ON going personna, of myself and my   {  husband still, but he lives , elsewhere! } He, was the kind of person, whom was not comfy, unless...I was DEguilded!     ME- like the imbosilic moron, ...put UP with this, now- to find out, he has NO power over me! UNLESS- I give it to him!

                He's perturbed beyond , reason! LORD, this stature feels GREAT!DON'T git me wrong!!!!!! I , still, have much to travel! Especcially, since I require a Plymouth, to reside on. BUT- he took ALl  his excess, to blind me!! he failed!

                        I, have reached  a cunjuncture where I have found a stable stature , of MY own! NOPE- I'm still, attempting to figure out, what , exactly, is going on????????????? I'm just a Carly! However, life, ain't NO joke!!!!!!! The BEST reasons, stagnate me!

         I, Have a sincere /audible honesty, to unveil!              I, believe, my dream is about to come crash!

                                            Kiss my Mother flickin' ass, and-PLEASE- do NOT tell me what to do!!

              I, am having SERIOUS limb/chest pains, lately! I'm NOT tupid! I, undrestand, whzzup!!!!!!!!!!!! A-L-L, has been RErouted! AND, "Everybody Gits High, Everybody Gits low," Sheryl, Crowe!                    "   THESE are THE days when ANYTHING goes!"

       I, MUST appologise! during the fumes to my existance...I left TOO, many , in ceceptable cloudes!I, didn't , MEAN it! I, am STILL- trying to figure out what you meant!JOBIE- you WERE, an artistic DREAM , in the motion! Then , you fell into a RESOUND sentment, of cold/hard/ assholianism!

                      And, JUST, because I have a life to fill, in the morow...AND- I , MUST relinquish my worded sedetive....yer a jerk! You, prompt/display, yourself. Who the fuck cares??!You- USED to be cute! What Ya got, going on NOW??! You USED my Daddy, as you use yourself! BUCK, UP- Jobie, and grow a spine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCK, what I transpired, under THE influence! I, said I was sorry! And, BIOTCH, I MEAnt IT!!!!!!!!! wHAT DID YOU ever mean?????????????                  wITH hONEST / good RETENT-WILLOW/cAROLINE dENNIS!