Tuesday, September 30, 2008

THIS WAS JUST A BAD DREAM! IN VIRTUAL COLOUR-

IT WAS IS LIVING COLOUR!

      I WAS PARTYING WITH MY DAUGHTERS AND TWO FRIENDS CHILDREN AND THEM. THE MAN, KNOWING HOW I MISSED HAVING A COMPANION IN MY LIFE, MADE IT KNOWN TO ME, THAT HE HAD ALWAYS DESIRED ME. I, WHILST NIBBLING PILLS AND BEER, { TO KILL THE ACHE INSIDE,} RESPONDED TO HIM, HOW I YEARNED FOR HIM , SO.

           NEXT FRAME, WAS THE WIFE, TAKING THEIR CHILDREN AND MINE, TO THE STORE. UPON THEIR DEPARTURE, HE AND I BEGAN TO DELVE INTO EACHOTHER. NEXT THING I KNEW, WE WERE IN AN ADANDONED CAR IN THEIR YARD. ACCROSS THE FRONT SEAT, WE BEGAN TO DEVOUR EACHOTHER, AND , WHILE MY ARMS WERE DANGLING OUT THE WINDOW BEHIND ME, HE PROCEEDED TO MOVE HIS MOUTH  DOWN THE LENGTH OF MY TORSO, BURRYING HIS MOUTH INTO MY LOVE BOX, AND MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I FORGOT SOMEONE COULD!WE BOTH MOANED IN PLEASURE, AS HE FINISHED AND CAME BACK, FACE TO FACE WITH ME, PENETRATING ME , DEEPLY, TO WHERE I SCREAMED OUT MY  ORCHESTRATIONAL ORGASM.

          I / WE, BEGAN TO DRESS, WHEN I NOTICED THE BLOOD, SCREAMING RED, AND FACTITIOUSLY KIDDED, "HONEY, I THINK YA BROKE ME." HE GUIDED ME TO THE UPSTAIRS BATHROOM, AND TOLD ME THERE WAS PLENTY OF PROTECTION IN THE CLOSET.

            AS I WENT IN, AND CHECKED THE CLOSET, AND DESPITE THEIR POORNESS, SHE HAD 'EVERYTHING' , ALL NEAT AND TIDY, AS WOULD I HAVE HAD IN MY OWN CLOSET! EACH TIME, I TRIED TO REACH FOR WHAT I REQUIRED, I MESSED THINGS UP, FURTHER AND FURTHER. THE BLEEDING , WORSENED, AS I TOOK  MORE PILLS AND SLAMMED DOWN MORE BEER. BECAUSE MY SEARCH WAS NIL, THE BLOOD WAS ALL OVER MY FAVORITE PAIR OF 'LEVI' JEANS, SO I STOLE FROM HER LAUNDRY BASKET, HEARING MY CHILDREN AND THE REST , RETURN DOWN STAIRS, WITH MANY , MORE PEOPLE.   { UNBEKNOWNST TO ME, HE TOLD HER! } I , AFTER LOCATING A SLIM BIT OF PROTECTION, I DESCENDED THE STAIRS.

                   ALL, { INCLUDING OLD FRIENDS I HAVEN'T SEEN IN YEARS AND SOME, WHOM ARE PRECIOUS TO ME, TODAY, }WERE BEGINING TO PARTY . EVERYONES' CHILDREN AND MINE, WERE HAVING A BLAST, AND THE ADULTS WERE DOING THE SAME.

           AS THE TIME PRESSED ON, I FELT THE MEAGER PROTECTION, FAIL. I CLIMBED, FOR THE LAST TIME, TO REPLACE IT, BUT , THIS TIME, IT WAS FIRE ENGINE RED AND OUT OF CONTROL! AS I ENTERED THE CLOSET, THERE WERE MORE OF A SELECTION, OF PRODUCTS, YET, EACH TIME I REACHED FOR ONE, I MESSED THE ARRAY UP MORE, AND COULDN'T GRASP IT.

            {{ OH- BY THE WAY-WHILE I WAS NAKED WITH HIM, MY BODY WAS THE SAME, TRIM, SEXY FORM IT WAS Y-E-A-R-S AGO! }}

           AS I DESCENDED FOR THE LAST TIME, I WAS GREETED BY A HOARD OF POLICE OFFICERS, AS WELL AS GLARES FROM MY SUPPOSID 'FRIENDS' AND MY DAUGHTERS! I WAS C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E-L-Y, DISORIENTATED, AND HAD no DEFENSE! BLOOD, WAS ALL OVER ME, AS I WATCHED AND HEARD MY CHILDREN SCREAM IN DISAPPROVAL,. THE MAN, SIMPLY HUGGED HIS WIFE, AND TURNED AWAY. "YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!" , I HOLLERED.HE WOULDN'T TURN AROUND. THEN, IS WHEN THE POLICEMEN, BEGAN TO CUFF AND QUESTION ME.

              "NO PROBLEM," I THOUGHT TO MYSELF. I CAN BLAME IT ON  LUNACY AND MENTAL ANGUISH.             GRANTED, AS I WAS CUFFED, MY LINE TO THE PILLS AND BEER, WERE CUT OFF. SO, MY MENTAL DEMISE PLAN, FLEW OUT THE WINDOW. THE BLOODY MESS, WORSENED, AND THE BERRAGE OF FACES, BEGAN TO WALK BY MYSELF, OFFERING A CIG OR A HAND OR A GLANCE OF DISGUST, WHILST I REMAINED IN A DUG TRENCH, BELOW THE FLOORS LEVEL. AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS, I COULD SEE OTHERS LOOKING DOWN AND SPITTING, SAYING, "HOW COULD YOU. CARLY?" I CALLED OUT TO HIM, AS THE OFFICERS DRAGGED ME AWAY, SAYING,"WHAT ABOUT US?" HE N-E-V-E-R LOOKED BACK!

 

                      My eyes, popped open, as I gasped for breath. I ran for my cigarretes, and , to my computer. AND, here I sit, realising, that this dream, came from GOD. It was / IS a HORRIBLE thought. It is a reminder, of what can and WILL happen, if I ever go back to my old ways. It shows me to be Thank FULL, of what The LORD has Blessed me with, today.

             During the dream, I had feelings of emancipation, proper direction for the Children, level character of self, { up untill the blood } basicaly, I felt I had it going ON! However, I am , STILL, a frail, human being, easily broken, if one gets TOO full of ones' self! In the dream, it was acceptable to harbor those feelings and actions, with another womans' man?!  BULLSHIT!  LOOK, just how wrong I can be...

             This morning, I shall face this day, humbled! My breathing, has normaled, mostly. I've spoken to GOD, and assured HIM, I got the point, BUT- actions speak LOUDER than words.           I pray, I don't have another dream of this sort!   " Now , I lay me, down to sleep. i , PRAY, The LORD, my soul to keep. IF, I should die, afore I wake. I PRAY, The LORD, my soul to TAKE..."

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Something:)*

It's been TOO long, since I have made an entry in my precious book!

    Forgive me, but i got caught up in lifes' insurmountable circumstances. Being a single Mommie, and , which I fall short of finances, the begining of School was , {as I allowed} to be frightening. FACT of the matter, WAS- Alan stepped UP to the plate, and adored OUR Children. He was MOST helpfilled, in which to assist Our Babes to RE-enter into School!! YES!, beloved readers, he supplied the WAY, coolest neccessities. PLEASE- do NOT get me twisted. I, had made provisions, in which to usher in some, {many} of the needs. IF, I don't mind saying,...'I', was the hair doer! When I went to 'Beauty School,' I was interrupted by ONE, of my Daddys' heart attacks. YET, I, DID, extract a bit of knowledge, and brought it with me. I, MUST, applaude my Babes, for it took me EXTRA time, and they , BOTH, sat dilligently, during the session.

         Ashley, is attemping,{and WILL preside} her year "7", and with ALL, DUE Honesty, is N-O joke!!!!!!!! She , requires, "7" , different teachers, as well as , the responsibility, in which to carry ALL that is required, for EACH class! "IF,-" she falls short, she WILL be held accessible for her failure! 'THIS, - is N-O-T what Ashley is built to BE! Quite honestly, Ash , could give a POOP! She is MORE concerned with how she looks, AND, who's looking.  Embarrassed  Embarrassed Embarrassed 1 ! FEEL ME, this is something , which canNOT be ignored.

       Wonderfully obtained, she is ROCKING!    Due to her Daddys' funds, as well as- ME* being as whacked as I am, she's pulling it off, with a SOUND retrospect.

    YES!- i HAVE said it , afore. I , WAS a drug , INFECTED imbosile! Sincerely, a-n-d BEING a singlr Mommie, I, haven't the time , NOR the n-e-e-d, in which to follow those rails! This, parental shit, ain't NO,joke!!!!!!!!!!!! Let alone, the seriousness of the WORLD, today!  There is a song, which is playing, right now. "What WOULD you say?!" When I was shorter than I am NOW...I , was on the roead, with a band , called "The Back Doors!" It was January 27th, and I made a phone call, to my Parents house, on me Birthday. Daddy answered. He, was surprised to HEAR from me. I said, " DAD, it's my Birthday!" He, recoiled to Marilyn, it's Carolines' Birthday!" BOTH, disagreed! WELL- since I , was 'I', well, I DIS agreed. DADDY, was the ONLY one, whom, was tenderly , appologetic, that they had forgotten of the bitch they had lost.          It's cool.     NOT!  I, was BOUGHT!   Lest, forgotten. Thank GOODNESS, I don't mind, TODAY! 

    IF...it wouldn't be to strenuouse on EVERYONE, P-L-E-A-S-E, recall, the BIBLE , Stated words- "Do , unto OTHERS, as you would have done unto you." { it fucked me UP, W-A-Y, TOO long!} MY bad- I let it.

      " People, wanna RISE UP, and get their Share!" 'Tracy Chapman.'             Sisters and Brothers, I still...am robbing Peter, to pay Paul. NIFTY part of it IS, is, I am finding precious realities, that, when I was SO self centered, I, completely MISSED! I'm TRIPIN', though, for , I'm catching SIGHT of so, much MORE.

         Allow me to give you, an example. THE, Best Mother I could possibly find, 'Gail,' searched LONG and hard, for a companion, to reinstate her self worth. She located HER. ""THEY,"" B-U-I-L-T,"" a SOUND emporium of a stamina riddled emporium, FILLED, with ALL that MOST , continued to seek!  THEY found IT! At a distance, I observed them, orchestrate a 'Bed and Breakfast,'that housed ANY one, whom wished to "take a Break," at. "IT," was fruitful! Along the path of benefit, "Stormie," contracted, Cancer. Set aside the requirements of income, Gail, encompassed Stormie! It WASN'T about the fucking $$, she could absorbe!!!!!!!!  SHE- was THERE, for her companion! THE, same way, that she was THERE for her cousin , named , Caroline. After, my parents, lost control of ME, by sending ME, to oaid for Schools, after Schools, they pawned me off on her, by which, I had , ALREADY grown horns of resistance. For the one, whom had opened up her world, to usher me into, I raked her over the coals! Shocked  Shocked  ""I, BEG of you, which you have made KNOWN, I need NOT, I , A-M sorry!  GAIL- I was VERY short, back then.

       Does ANYone, Wish to know , what I have learned? LETS' GIT-R-DONE! tHIS IS tHURSDAY. { jst messin' with Ya}

     My Girls and I, live in a VERY, small house, that used to be a garage. THE owner of the house, IS a contractor. He and his crew, REnewed it, into a substantial lair:). We have a substantial yard, / HOUSE. YIPPIEEEEEEE. Quite simply, the Babes have , their OWN room, equipped with BUNKBEDS.  THE time, has come, where they are becoming TOO BIG, to inhabit bunkbeds. It's a REALLY, SMALL room, so, I am goimg to begin to REconstruct their room, by DISconstructing the beds, and , TRYING, to arrange the area, in which they can ask Friends to visit, without having to step on the beds:)* PLEASE- Pray 4 me, this will BE, NO simple task! 

       Pardon me, but, as I complete the task, and get to watch their faces LIGHT up with Amazement, is ALL I need?!! They're gonna shit. OH!, I will N-O-T be able to walk for a few days. THEY, are what's important Moodswings  Bugging Outnobody said I was playing with a FULL deck Blushy 4  Blushy 4 Cover Up