Wednesday, November 28, 2007

A Sincere addition from my Heart and Soul...

 Dancing Bow Down The Thinker Ignoring You   I come to you, today, in complete AWE!  Lately, I have been faced with some, rather BIG confrontations of 'SELF!'  "Thanksgiving," has just passed, and I found Us, SOOOooooo, VERY blessed, with awards of food, from others, whom LOVE us! We were given THREE turkeys, and, of course, the fixins' to boot.  Heart Glasses Nap Turkey. I canNOT, be more grateful, for we were running short of regular foods, and we've COOKED and EATEN, ALL 3! Tee-Hee...

       We provided Alan with a succulent meal, and he ACTUALLY, went outside on That Warm, Sunshiny Day, and played in the leaves I had raked up, with Ashley!?!! I did NOT dine WITH them. He had polished off a '30" pack, night afore, and was STILL in the pangs of leftover drunkenness, and { as usual } was trying DESPERATELY, to git my goat! I remained silent, and serving, { pissed him off A LOT! } and simply served and cleaned:)!  He said, "I'm only coming , for the sake of the Girls!"  SOOOOoooooo, THAT is how I left it! He ate / spent time, with the GIRLS!  Wink

           When it came time for him to go to the bar, I stood silent, as he kissed / hugged the Babes, ONLY to be SHOCKED, as he kissed MY forehead, THEN- me lips??!!! I bid hima good day, and wished him to take care. PERHAPS- it was due to the fact, that I sent him with a bag of turkey,rolls,ETC., for later and to share with his cats?! WHO KNOWS-

                 However, 'I KNOW,' I did it to be a kind PERSON. There were NO hidden agendas!!  The rest of the day, were mine and MY Babes:)-  I HOPE you are sitting down, for, ASHLEY-  cleared the table, placed the remainder of food, in recepticles, and REfridged it! She, then, scrapped the dishes, and placed them in the sink. Shocked ShockedThere MUST be, SOMETHING, I am doing well! Ash, doesn't do SHIT, and I sniggled her to the enth degree for it!

               That night, I took the time, to PRAY, and Thank GOD, that she is making THAT kind of progress, and that 'HE,' kept my mouth , silent. ANYONE, whom KNOWS me, Knows I have a HARD time, curbing my tongue. ESPECIALLY, when I FEEL, I am in the right, and I am Purpously egged on by a putz! Shy Whistler!   I can be QUITE the little pistole?!!

            The next thing, I wish to share, IS- we , NOW, have "3" cats!  { sumthings never change } As I spent ALL we had on the Holiday, we ran OUT of LITTER!  Crazy Shock Whoa ! I did my BEST, as to FIRST, collect sum dirt from the garden.   N-O-T happening! ALL, THREE, did NOT dig it. {every pun intended  }and elected to do their buisness, ALL OVER the bathroom / Girls bedroom!  I , THEN, tried ripped up paper?! NO GO!  Fortunately, my kitties have SOME sense, and they did it, in THE, Best places, they could have! "YEAH KITTIES!"  As well, as, we had LOADS of paper towels, in which to remedy the situations. Kitty 1  Petting  Glitter Kitty !  Due to the Holiday, the Child Support payment, was NOT placed on my card, untill yesterday. Yet- for  some STRANGE reason, I kept  composieure, like I did NOT realise I could?!!   P.S.- they are HAPPY, today, AND, so am "I"

                 The NEXT menagerie, we toppled upon, was, MELISSA! { a.k.a. Ya-Ya} I received a call, stating that her Ex boyfriends'  Grand Father, passed on, and she wished to attend the funeral with him, "Could I watch her Children?" To make a LONG story, shorter, I said YES!, and she suggested, that she pick us ALL up, to stay overnight, at her house, ETC.! O.Kaybie...

      W-E-L-L, he we friggin' go! NOW- her Children a riddled with A.D.D./ O.D.D. ?.D.D............. AND- she hastherapists for them , ETC. B-U-T, she does NOTHING with them, herself!  The six year old, has NO idea, how to wipe his butt, put on his clothes, { GOD, the list goes ON...} The two boys have attitudes, that would rattle St, Theresa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   SO- @ 11ish, that night, Ya-Ya, begins to wince in pain, and shake, freezing, with a fevor of 102! Her "EX" boyfriend, is asleep on the couch downstairs. Her RECENT Dude, has JUST left!  SHe begins to moan in discomfort, in her room , next to the one, the Girls and I were sleeping in. I arose to go and see , WAZZUP!. "I'm in pain and I can't stop shaking!", she says. THEN- she says, "WHERE'S CHRIS?" " He's down stairs, sleeping." "I NEED him!" NOW- This is the Dude that railed her up, against a wall, a week ago, and now she's calling for him??!!!! SOOOOooooo, I go git him.

           I witness him , to crawl into the bed, and remain there, stroking her face and hair, for SEVEN hours! YO!, 'I' went back to bed with me Babes! @ 6ish, I hear her stumble to the bathroom, and upon rejoining her bed, she SCREAMS- "OH GOD!" I RUN in, and she's sweating and shaking...CHRIS, has gone back to the couch. "THAT'S IT!" I squealched, "YOU- ARE going to the hospital!" I go and git Chris, and demand he take her.  { mind you, she WAS supposed to go to the Funeral with him!! }

            She's WHITE as a ghost, and begins to get violently nautious, so I grabbed the bathroom trash basket, in order to assist. HE TAKES HER TO THE HOSPITAL, After a berrage of  articulate theatrics. 'I,' am left with the house / Children, ETC.! Laundry  Vacuuming  Maid  Laundry  !!!!!!!!!!!!  She had "5" loads of laundry to be done! NEXT day, is SCHOOL... NO clothes readied! HERE WE GO! 

                   NOW- I KNOW Melissa! We've been friends for , almost 11 years. She's a Dandy actress! "SHE DIDN'T WISH TO GO!" i FEEL, i knew IT!   PLUS!- I found it nausiating, that after her ONE Dude goes, she corraled the Last one, into her bed?!! I, was disgusted.                { allow me to state something. BOTH her Children, get S.S.I., this Means, she gets -besides Welfare- $1,298,00 , per month! } Thank JESUS- I HAD...television to watch.  At, around 12:ish, 'Comcast,' put an END to her cable! { NON payment! } ??????????????????   THAT, is ALL I have to say , about THAT.

                  Chris and she, returned, and stated, she has a urinary tract infection. PLUS- dehydration.PARDON ME- but, as well did the Emergency room say, {i called} we have NEVER seen the theatrics, stemming from such a scenario! CHRIS- took the Girls and I  HOME!  Wakka-wakka , BUT- since I do NOT know EVERYTHING, and I could SEE, her dilemna, ellected to take her ONE son, with us, so that she could rest.  Pulling My Hair Out  !    { " at the end of that day, I HAD to PRAY for GODS' forgiveness, for I was NOT nice, at all! just a little nice to the boy:( } She sent NOTHING with the boy, KNOWING, the Child has ACCIDENTS, ETC.! A-N-D, he DID! I was attacked by a POOP in the pants and CONSTANT urination!  The Child said NOTHING, as MT Child, came out, and said, "Mommie, Storm STINKS, and I can't stand it any longer." { i have NO sense of smell, due to a car accident of my own:( } SOOOOOOoooooo, I called there, and asked for them to bring something for the boy.   " WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?"  is what I got! The Girls and I put girl panties on him, and a pair of sweats, as I washed, his clothes.  Vomit !!    At 6 O'Clock, a rap came onto my door, as the immediate boy-toy, arrived to pick up the Child! After their departure, the Girls AND I, danced a JIG! And THEN- PASSED OUT! lol Out The Door  Do Not Disturb  Sleeping 

                     Ya know something?  I USED to use people:(.   SO- I can SEE, WAZZUP!   She IS a user. To PLAY these Dudes, to me, is gross!

       BOTTOM LINE- I have NOTHING to say , nor deal with her, again!

                  NOW- Here comes the COOLEST part of the story!    The NEXT day, we went to CHURCH. It's been a while, since MY Babes were sick. Pastor Betty, was away, BUT- Sharon Thaure, took place, behind the pulpit. SHARON- SHOULD have BEEN a Pastor!!!!!!!!!!!    We , took our place , weel- Ash and Mugsie, spent THAT time, practicing their parts in the 'Christmas' play, on "THE EVE," to Learn their lines, as I attended the BIG KIDZ Bible Study!  Psalms . Our DEAREST Marg, shared a story, about , The Meaning and PROOF, of 'FAITH!  She has JUST returned, for marg, broke some ribs, after a nasty fall:(            She spoke of a time, where , she WAS the designated driver, for others to get to the Bible study. YET- she found, she had NO gas. She WAS, going to ask her Husband. GOD said , "DO NOT!" Then, she thought to aske her Brother,"GOD said, do not." SOOooooo, she transported any way, mainstaying in her FAITH! THEY made it! As she pulled into their driveway, realising the needle was a milisecond before EMPTY...and walking to her house.....THERE, in the snowy tread on the tires, in front of her van, lay a $20.00 bill! She turned RIGHT around, whilst Thanking GOD, so as to plac the gas in her tank, that had provided she and her Friends to Study! {it gave me Gooseflesh! }

           Yesterday, I had the oportunity, to assist my Friend! STILL. I had NO $$, NO litter, ETC.! So- she elected to provide me with litter, ETC.! "You needn't do this." I said, I shall help, anyway!!  " BEEN there, Done that.," she stated. And, OFF we went. During our path, I asked to use her cell phone, and called the EPPICard, 'ChildSupport,' thingy.Lowe, and behold, the monies were THERE!

       One of the excursions, were to pay a bill for her, in the mall. Jen has trouble Standing, let alone walking, so I did it for her. She presented me with a fist full of change, she had in her car, so as , perhaps I could git an 'Auntie Annes' Pretzle. { Each time I do this for her, I hit Auntie Annes'! it's tradition.  As I looked at the price display, I learned that I would be .20 cents short of my delectable, adored pretzel:(  With my fist full of change, I bowed my head in despair. As my eyes hit the floor, I saw .24 cents, dropped by someone. I dropped to pick up, two dimes and four pennies. It was my turn, to order, and I was able to obtain my delectable pretzel, saturated in Garlic:):):):):):):)  As I went to pay for it, I came to find, I MISread the sign, and had 15 cents more. I smiled illuminatingly, and placed the 15 cents, as a tip, for another!

           I thought of Margs tale, and LOOKED UPWARDS, and said, "Thank you , JESUS!"  Jen, then, had for me to go to 'Price Chooper ,' for her, and upon the monies placed on mt card, I was able to purchase MEDICINE, Litter, Cat food, ETC.! Whilst I helped my Friend. NOW- can you SEE, why I AM elated?!!  Happy, Heathy Holidays...


Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Thanksgiving Eve !

              There is NO , absolute delight! AND, if there IS, I , haven't found it. Naw, THAT is a fib!!  THIS ,Thanksgiving Eve, my Youngest Daughter, took preside, in assisting to aide the preparations of Da Turkey, / stuffing / ETC.!   SHE, was ELATED! Wanna KNOW something? 'IF,' "I," was to be able to have rank on THAT preparation, YEARS AGO... I'd have ROCKED, Better than I DID!!!!!!!!!

           As , Ashley Slept...Mugsie went NUTS, amid the kitchen! When SHE wakes, tomorrow...she WILL, Feel the pronounced adoraration, she wished to seek!

                   Do NOT allow me to fool with you! I, STINK, at culinaries in the kitchen! However- me , and The Mugs- we COOKED!

                 There's a funky twist to THIS.  Her Daddy, WAS- going to attend The Thanksgiving ,Festivities, tomorrow??!!! Still- he is a BONE Head, and he is , simply NOT welcome.  Besides, he's PEEVED at me, that I obtained FOOD, in which to serve??!!! YEAH- he's REALLY right!

               I, am SUCH a profound JERK ! LAST time , he Graced us with his presence, it took me THREE hours, in which to harness my Childrens emotions!

           "Thanksgiving," in MY pinion, is a Sound Gala, in which to absorbe solace! A Chance, in which to be HAPPY! N-O-T, to besurged with annoynce! IT- IS, an Opportunity, to WREAK Haavock on GRATITUDE! He, can kiss my ass!

               I, watched OurBaby, she aided the preparation of The Feast! I, { as well did she } IGNIGHT, due to the preparation of a Sound Reason to nibble!

                 Alan, UNfortunately, is a RESOUND misfit! I KEPT, trying to coax him INTO a Family??!!! He, has NO DESIRE, in which to do so. HERE  WE the HONESTY DEPT.! After I said, "I DO.'- his MAIN desire, was to have TWO  Women! I, provided him with his desire, ONLY to Detest him, LESS- than I detested MYSELF!

            YES! I, am Quite alone, as for to a companion. HOWEVER- at THIS point, I'l be darned, IF- I shall EVER subject myself to such DISRESPECT, E-V-E-R again!

     With  ALL, DUE respect...I, am adoreable and I HAVE a Heart of Sterling Silver!! SOOOoooooooo, THIS Thanksgiving, I SHALL have a BLAST! A-N-D, drugs Need NOT be a part of it, NOR, will some prominant cocked Jack ass!

                                                    PEACE OUT...    Ash and Mugs say , "Git -R- Done:)"

Sunday, November 18, 2007

I'm falling, down on my knees.

 Happy Thanksgiving Ya know something? I've gone through some SERIOUS shit. I've done some REALLY stupid stuff! Most likely, I'll do sum more;)- It seems to be like a fevor , with me. HOWEVER- I believe I gained sone INsight, today. I , THINK , I told you that my sons' Daddy, was out, AND went BACK, into prison??!!! Out of all peoples, he wrote to me, and I wrote back. Yet, I wrote someTHING different, this time! It came from DEEP, within. Lemme SHARE it with you, { word for word }...

                " THIS, is Ridiculous-

                                  It's a few days before 'Thanksgiving," and I'm writing to a dude, whom USED me , and fucked up, AGAIN, yet , another Holiday season,4 himself. WHY, d I continue to care?? JUST, because, 'I'm the one,' whom pushed you into the heroin dilemna, and I feel like it's MY fault?!!    NOPE!   It's 'cause I see things in you, that you've OBVIOUSLY MISSED!

                No matter, how, stone cold, you THINK you are, There is no , fucking way , dining on THAT putz shit, on "Thanksgiving, " can be worth a shot in the arm!

           E. J., O.K., so things got messed up!! B-U-T, if 'I' coud get past it, and- { I'M THE ONE WHO MESSED IT UP! }YOU can CATAPULT BEYOND IT ! You have earned Degrees, a NEW language, for fucking WHAT? Simply, to occupt your time?? WHAT a waste!

                 I watched you scope out my house, whilst you were here.IT, is comfortable and FILLED with pure, SAFE, love!However, THAT, was NOT enough for you. It , would appear, that being cool and HIGH, had it's FANGS into you, NOW-3 times over.SOOOOOOoooooo, The Ball is IN Your court now. If you choose to bounce it my way, I will answer. BUT- I will NOT, be a blowjob door-matt, EVER, again! I continue to realise how VERY, manythings, I've YET to learn, still stand TRUE.I've made, TOO, Many MAJOR fuck - ups!!  TODAY, I wish to nurture and flourish. I wish to GAIN, R-O-O-T-S- that WILL hold TRUE-and a Trunk thats stands Stead-Fast, amid LIFES' storms.

               When I was housed in 'Muncy, State Penetentary,' I witnessed DOZENS of people, coming back  through the razor - wire gates!, sayin' , " HEY BAY, DID YA MISS ME?" 'NOT, THAT much, I thought to myself.'   YOU- have Obviously claimed it to be acceptable, to be STUCK in the revolving , Prison Door.


                     Happy Holidays / LIFE, Elton-

                                      Your Friend, 'Pea Head' x0x0

Thursday, November 15, 2007

I am not norml!

          Shine on, you Crazy Diamond! Allow me to disclose some frightening information, about myself.

       As I have told you, earlier, on Dec. 1st, 1990, I drove drunk and , CRASHED!  I paralized my 6 mo. old Son, and KILLED my ULTIMATE boyfriend.

           My Sons' Daddy, Elton, has chosen to delve into heroin. He CONTINUES, to plop IN and OUT of prison, and , EACH departure , from the facility, he seeks me out.

            Each, and every time, I seem to welcome him. A-L-L, THREE ventures, I have provided him with finances, in which to assist his reaffirmation, into civilianness??!!! 'I,' am an assholian! Peoples, I realise, that JESUS has forgiven me. However, either I am a desperate twerp, or I am beseeching a way, in order to repay him, for what I MAY feel, is the reason he delved??!!!

           I Pray, you allow me to share a letter I composed, after he wrote to me, upon his settle , of the third landing in a facility. "I," seem to be the ONLY one , he feels compelled to contact.  Upon recieving his letter, it took me, OVER a week, in order to find the capasity, in which to respond. 'THIS, ' perhaps, is a GOOD sign:)  Afore, I'd have JUMPED onto the FIRST sheet of paper, I could lay my hands on! N-O-T this time!

        HERE!, is my response...

             Well, Hello Elton John-

                  Happy Thansgiving.                                  E.J., I'm not sure what you'd like me to say to you.SO- I shall say , that I THOUGHT, I was going to be able to wear that outfit, as you HELPED me to trim the TREE, this year. I pondered you, being awarded a furlough, to be able to spend such a Glorious Holiday, with a Family whom cared 4 you.

          SILLY me {googlie eyes }

                You Hollered at me, that "HOW DARE ISTICK MY NOSE INTO YOUR BUISNESS. YOU ARE A GROWN ,MAN, AND, eTC.!" ? QUESTION, Elton- WHY, does a grown , strong MAN, continueto rejoin, with institutionalized peoples way of life, instead of living free with people, whom just wished to love you and Build wonderful memories that canNOT be bought or sold?!!

             E.J., I'm not ant better than you. I've , simply had ENOUGH of the pain and solitude, living where I HAVE to be told when I am ALLOWED to breathe my own air! When you First began to write to me, you spoke of the classes you were taking, and PASSED! You spoke of the diplomas you obtained, in which to secure you a WELL paying possition. YET- you come out for a few months, ONLY to hook up connects with , idoitic people, whom only fuel your demise??!!! ELTON, WHY did you Take and Pass the classes, if you simply plan on being housed and kept in such an environment?

                  I gave you, monies, that were for our bills!You broke your VOW, to repay us, and our Water got shut off. I TRUSTED you, and prayed I could help.ALL I did, was to aide a user in which to burry himself, DEEPER, as I allowed myself and my Children, to suffer. GUESS WHAT, I  musta looked , pretty desperate, HUH! I think, I was TOO CAUGHT UP, in giving back, what I stole from you- Dec, 1st, 1990 !! {tears}

                   IF, you wish to write to me further, feel free to and I WILL answer. PERSONALLY, I don't think you have the cahonies. The Freakie thing IS, I still have LOVE for you. However, I'll N-O-T bounce down the alley way, as I go to pick up my Children, like some LOVE-STRUCK 'TEENIE-BOPPER,fooled  into THINKING, I Finally have the hopes of my VERY OWN man,gonna be THERE to hold me when I am frightened, who's going toto the solace of life with a Family, Only to have my desires , SQUASHED like an unwanted bug- ANY longer!


           " Can't we find the minds that Made us , stronger?"         PeaHead-

Elton named me , 'Peahead,' long ago!

              NOW , if this letter is more than neccessary, sue me! THIS, is , NOT ONLY, what I required to say to him, BUT- what I required to realise , MYSELF!

                                              PEOPLES- I spent WAY 2 MANY Years, destroying myself!!     At THIS point of my life, I can't, { forthelifeofme } figure out , WHY?!!  I shielded my observation, to the point of BLINDNESS! I, disfigured myself, and ANYone, whom cared a FIG ABOUT ME!  It's , most likely, that, I am AGING, and I have these Fantastic , little Women, that I didn't , completely maime. 'THIS, ' is why I typed, such a volutile chapter, afore! I , actually WATCH and ABSORBE, the goings on, with these ridiculous peeps, with more $$, than they know what to do with, 'cept ruine themselves and others!

                  SHEET! I'm fortunate to be poor!  I find, I CARE , MORE, about MORE! NOT, that I want more, BUT- that I cherish MORE! OH! PLEASE, don't git me wrong. I, wouldn't MIND a bit MORE!!!!!!!!  It bugs me Greatly, tha I can't provide better for my Babies! However, when MY Parental Units, were flowin' in the dough, 'THEY SENT ME AWAY?' HEY- they could afford it??!!!     SEE- too much fundage, replaces what IS , actually NEEDED!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


It's all good?!! BULL FUCKIN' SHIT!  We are in the throws of the  coming of , "Thanks Giving!"

         As I watched the NEWS, I learned, that there is Scarcely, enough to go around to the NEEDY! It makes me sick!

     Another NEWS subject, WAS- even Those with GOOD CREDIT, will NOT be able to afford what they used to, as gifts to their , whomevers!

           Peoples, when it gets , so BAD- that we HAVE to Watch reports from the NEWS Stations, that , there is a RASH of "LESS PEOPLE," whom  Can share for the People , whom don't have Plastic, ETC., ""THIS,"" Should be a friggin' CLUE, that something's gone a fowl inside the tomatoe!

           "YES!" I am pitchin' a BITCH! These fucking 'Rock Stars,' have 14 Million Dollar homes! The fucking STARS of the SCREEN, have more than they require! Does NOTHING smell funky to you??????????? 

          JUST because I watch you tonsile suck someone you don't love , on a Screen, conveys me to pay, WHAT-, 13.00$ for a fucking ticket, so that you can sell your Daughter / Son, to ride around in Cadidliacs, and drive into a fucking PARKED car, because they were TOO busy snorting cocaine? THIS!- IS, Ludacris! I don't give a fig, if their nipples were hard, or NOT! W-H-E-R-E, is the teachings of the Indians????????   Ya don't , fucking TAKE- UNless you GIVE BACK!

          The thing that REALLY flipps me OUT, IS- the parental Units, are 'Jammin' WITH these poor souls! ""HEY Babe, let's get waisted, we can PAY someone to git us OUT of IT!??""

           There ARE Parishioners, around my area, that are BEGGING for FOOD to supply THOSE, whom don't ACT / THINK this way! They, simply TRYING to set a buffet, in order to FEED their Families, 'cuz they TOO fat to go ON SCREEN! BULLSHIT!

             Ya KNOW, it DOESN'T surprise me! Ya got those STARS- going BELEMIC, because it's in bad forum, to weigh more than 14 lbs.! The biotches, have NO BOOBIES! 'Taint got no ASS , either! AND- the Scariest Part, IS- they's havin' BABIES! I'm SO secure, in the PEACE, that the CHILDREN, are well kempt, within their wombs! ALL that nutrition, will harbor them from the drugs and alcohol!

                        N-O-W, HERE, is The Best! MANY women, in The spotlight do NOT Feel, it is ANY of our buisness, to encounter the FACT that they are With CHILD! W-H-Y?...BECAUSE, it might spoil their , RAKING in $$$$$$, from their performances??!!!! GOD FORBID! I'd wish to SLAP 'em!  They's none of OUR buisness. KISS MY ASS, you SLUT! At "THAT point "" , it has NOTHING to do with your fucking performance! ""HOWS ABOUT THE PERFORMANCE OF "THE CHILD?" Assholian!      W-H-A-T, Ya gonna loose Yer 'Ferrerri?'


                       IF- I am coming accross 2 strong, sue me! THERE are NO priorities LEFT! IF, { and I have } I got popped for anything, I'd get slammed !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  These fuckers, get AWAY with MURDER! If the SYSTEM don't git 'em, one of their OWN, ceases their will to carry ON! SEE what I'm sayin'?


             Allow me, to give us an example. The 'Macys' commercial! A-L-L these STAR RIDERS, have conglomerated, to suck out our $$! The commercial, shows, that their TOKEN FLOOZIE-'Jessica Simpson,' whom. last year, urged PEDIPHILES, to take to "PIZZA HUTT." TODAY, she's The idiot whom pulls the plug from their Magnificent Display! ""MY BAD,"" she states for the Nation to see???!!!!!  Yeah!- I will urge MY DAUGHTER to have such short , shorts and short brains- - - -  -and git PAID 4 IT! FUCK your stupid boobies! I wouldn't nibble her, if she was The Last morsel on EARTH!

             I appreciate to state THIS in "MY" Book.  I'm not bothering ANYone, whom doesn't wish to flush a SOUND turd! Told Yas' , best BATHROOM Reader, Ya ever saw!

I am devistated!

 Rain Cloud  I have done a terrible thing!  I have allowed "2" Xtra cats to reside with us. THIS, has put a hurtin' on my house, my finances and my emotional wellness!

       At 2:14 A,M,, this morning, I was awakened by the crashing of objects in my house.  As I got up to TRY to fix this, THE only thing I could come up with, since it's warmish outside, was to put the culprit OUT! IT WAS DRY, THEN!!!!!!!!!

         In order to calm down, I jumped on to the computer, and, as I made my way to bed, realized, it had begun to POUR!

         I flew to the door, and called to the newest , feline member, thinking I had made my point to him. He did NOT come wheb I called out , into the wee night! This CHILD is cold and wet, somewhere, due to my impatience:( I feel evil and terrible! I WOULD have grabbed the smaller of the two, for, 'Frankie,' is  the cat from H, E, double toothpicks! However, the bugger escaped me too often:(.SOOOOOOooooooo, I grabbed the one I could, to ensure some peace.

            I* , am Devistated, and appauled at myself! I ask PRAYERS, for 'Rascle.' , and my family, for the Girls are gonna LOSE IT, whence they arise!

Thursday, November 8, 2007


YES! I am writing in RED! I cannot STAND r-e-d! It causes me to think of the deevil!

             I, AM agrivated.        I have THE, Most coolest , little people, and, I haven't finaces to help their DREAMS 2 come TRUE! YEP,- it pisses me OFF!!!!!!@!!

         OUR Babies, RELY, upon me!  AND, I CAN provide , this, that and the other thing, BUT- I am having trouble, footing the X-TRAS!

           I called their Dad!  { I didn't wish to! } ALLOW me to convey, to you, he was MOST INappropriate!

          THIS FACT, encourages ME, to step UP to the Plate, BETTER than I EVER have!

Alan told me, "Either DIE, or send 'Em 2 me!" OH, WELL, THAT is Just Lovely!"

                                                  I have some difficulties.  I broke my back, in the 80's.  TWO, years Later, i severd my FEMORE! SO, now- I am REplaced with METAL. I, CREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As well as ACHE!   THIS process, happened a fore their BIRTHS! STRANGE THING, "IS," 'THAT,' is WHY , he asked me to Marry him! he felt, I'd git a SOUND sum of $$, for MY, noteable infirmaties. THIS WAY, he would have to , practically NOTHING, but git his TUSH, Covered??!!!  'THIS,' WAS- what SEEMED a DElectable nest spot, for him to reside in!


                                             Alan, is NOW, finding , that, he HAS to reside on his OWN haunches, afore he claims some one elses!

                           Pardon me, BUT- IF, I can still WALK- I am UNable to contract fundage, for Diddly!

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

A Healthy Dose of Realization!

 Leaf Pile Angel 3Have you ever noticed, something to observe, that you forgot, even to look for?  Well, I have, more than twice! Sometimes, I feel foolish, that  {ME OF ALL PEOPLE } how could I have missed it?  But, I am learning, that these are my growing pangs and reasons to be proid of myself, for finally seeing it:)

                A phase of transformation, has come about, for me. To be Painfully honest with you, I USED to find the delight of sex, a luxury that I didn't wish to go without! In my opinion, I feel, it wasn't just the act of intimacy, BUT- the pleasure of being enveloped by another, whom didn't wish to be without me. That WONDERFUL connection between TWO, that was not only pleasurable, but, void filling!!

           Today, for me, it ain't nuthin' but a thang :)-   I have graduated to finding , even DEEPER joy, in footing the bill of being NEEDED / DESIRED and APPRECIATED by my Children! { who knew? } LOL-             SURE, I don't have a physical organism, BUT- Even Better, I have a soul felt ONE!  I have been Blessed, to witness, Growth and maturity betwixed them, and know for a sound fact, that, "I HELPED!"  THIS, 2 me, has Much More panache', that a roll in the hay, could EVER produce:).

                Since Thanksgiving, is nearing, and , of Course, CHRISTMAS...perhaps I , too, am progressing , in which to view life, in a more precious fashion??!!!

        Allow me to give you an example. Ashley, my nearest older one, for QUITE some time, was addicted to what others , { so she thought } THOUGHT of her. BUT- she took note, in a backwards kind of way. The begining of THIS year, she has begun her Jr High School, scenario ' placement. Peoples, lemme tell you, I was Freaked, for I seriously didn't think she was going to be able to swing it, due to the monumental REadjustment, that would HAVE to take place. Thankfully, I was WRONG:). I am still in happy shock, that she shed one skin, for another, with great ease and properness!

                 Megan, is still wrestleing a bit, with the scene of GRADE attendance, and less of a NEED to be more grown, HOWEVER, she is, also, blossoming, quite well:). Her report card, shown her FIRST 'A!' She, was ellated!! As well, as, it wasn't in Art or GYM:)- It, was in SPELLING!  I danced a JIG!! and so did she:)

                 We have adopted ANOTHER  cat!  His name is 'Rascle.' A friends Mom, threw she, her THREE Children, and Rascle, OUT! She found a place, BUT- they did't accept anmimals:(:(. Therefore, she was going to have to relinquish this beautiful beast, to the S.P.C.A., which , since he's a more grown beastie, would , most likely, be put to sleep, 4 rarely, do people wish to adopt larger kitties. { they dig the babies, MORE! } HOW, COULD I SAY NO??   HE IS A DELIGHTFUL BABY, AND HE HAS ALL HIS SHOTS / NEUTERING, etc.! His eyes and disposition, are BOTH snuggly and magical. Today, will be his second, FULL day, with us. As each day passes, he becomes , more comfotable and elloquent, with his comfort zone, and US! The adoption of him, as well as my life, is introducing me to a NEW realm of patience and glory! For SO, long, I was convinced, there was NO hope for me. I , WAS, going to be stagnated in the mess I taught myself to be??!!! However, I AM , taking reputable turns of my existance, and, KNOWING, fool well, there is hope for me , STILL!

              It ignights my molecular being, that my Dearest Gail / Cousin / MOM, reads what I write in my book. THIS, provides her with an inside observation tower, as to what and Whom I am! Another gift, my book provides, is that IF- anyone wishes to TRY to mess with me, there is NO way, that I can make this stuff up, at the drop of a hat, and it is Continual. It IS,Proof POSSITIVE, a Journal of TRUTH, that NONE can remove! As I write from and WITH my soul, ...NO costumes may be applied!  As I BARE me, to our pages, I succumb to fits of tears, giggles, aches & pains, and absolution. I USED to be , 'A Candle In The Wind!'  Today, I AM a sound, human being, NOT PURFECT, BUT- I stand for SOMETHING, and I don't fall for EVERYTHING!

          When I did drugs and such, I Blocked the ability to Actually FEEL:(.  IF, I cannot feel, I cannot GROW! Peace be Unto...

Thursday, November 1, 2007

"RIGHT," Ya got A Bloody, Well Right to say!"

Hello, ALL!

         Ya know...I haven't curled me hair,in QUITE a bit!  I got into this mode, as to, "WHY SHOULD I ?" I go no places , in which to share my adoreableness??!!!                Awe, skrew it!        However, during , this week , I had THE, Most elequent endurable, haveing to do with, "Halloween!" I, was capeble, to SHARE, a 'SOUND,' Gala, with my "Children!"      Little FREAK, that I 'AM,'  A-L-L , THREE of us!, had a DEvine time!

              TOnight, as 'THEY,' slept for School, in the Morn., I took the oppottunity, to chase the NEEDS of the HOUSE!               I showered, I, Cared for the House , and , I am about, READY 4 BED! 

                           WHEN, they git UP, They SHALL, find, a SOUND , Residence!!!!!!!! It's NOT, because, I require it!!!!!!!!!! I'm, just sick and Friggin' TIRED, of being , sumewhat, ALONE!


                          It, REALLY, Peeves me off! I go to sleep, with a CHAIR, along , side of MY bed, as to ALLOW, my CAT,  { he is 13 YRS, old } so that he can BE!!!!!!!~ a Cherished soul , whom I MAY cuddle, during the NIGHT??!!!}              THIS       , is ludacreise'!


          WAITE', it gits WORSE!As you KNOW!-  -  - I 'AM,' still married! SOOooooooo, as TOMORROW , IS Friday, my husband, is 'OFF,' of work!            SOOOOOOoooo, I invited him , for 'AFTERNOON DELIGHT??!!!'  what, the fuck, IS wrong WITH me????????????


                   "yes," I AM , HORNIER than a "Viking," in Heat!    BIG, friggin' DEAL!!     " " WHY " " MUST, this BE ANYthing?????????????  For REAL, fer real, 'THIS,' is just a sumpthin! A-N-D, FOR REAL- "it," has NOTHING to do WITH, " " penet4raton! " "          "IF," you REALLY, wish to KNOW , sumpthin', - - - - - """SKREW"""the depth of SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!        Ya REALLY, WISH, 2 KNOW, WHAT I crave??????????         I Deeply, Desire to have found, a soulMATE!  "IF," ""THIS,"" is ODD, to you, I suppose , WE- Have NOTHING ELSE to SAY to one another??!!!!!!!!  However, IF, anything makes ANY sense "2" you, .........I WILL, do mBEST, to CARE, for, NOT , ONLY myself, BUT U2!                     It, REALLY SUCKS, having NOone , to be able to HOLD, whilst one sleeps!


            IT, has NOTHING to do with, what one FEELS is misssing!!!!!!!!!!!  THE, COOL Thang, CAN!!!!, go," Forward!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  ONE, of THESE days, since, I HAVE taken CARE ...I, 'SHALL,' FIND, SOMONE!       Since, I 'AM,' such a contrl FREAK, "this," may BE a problem. HOWEVER, 'whenI DO,' - "I SHALL, know my companion is TRUE!"

                I have a lot, to offer! For REAL, 4 real, it would appear, "I," STILL," HAVE Vast , amounts, to LEARN!

               It IGNIGHTS ME, to be Able , to share, what I AM Feeling!!!!!!!!!!!!  As I SAID, as THE "Title," of the BOOK, was, " What ITHINK, ""IF,""ANYone Cares!"  'THE, Reason,'  I began "IT, WAS, I, was sick and frigin' TIRED, THAT, JYST because was, because we DIDN'T have a bunch of $$$$$$$, didn't MEAN, WE, didn't hae SOMETHING to  SAY!~!!!!!!!!!!!! Besides, PERHAPS- someONE, UNDERSTOOD, How someone , ELSE , FELT- as THEY- were NOT, alone! "THEY, NEVER will be.'