Wednesday, February 28, 2007

You tell me:)

I, am doing my best, to keep me mind off, Elton. WELL, I'm losing!

         THE, Most interresting thing I am learning, is, something he spoke of, as he departed. "Let's just be friends."            What, could I do, to be a GOOD friend? " If you LOVE something, set it free. IF, it comes back to you, it IS yours! IF, it doesn't, it NEVER was."

                  Now, let's git REAL, here. We have had a REAL connection, for YEARS! Each, and EVERY time, he has come to seek me out. Well, skiddlydoo, doesn't THAT, speak volumes?!

          Yet, I am an addict! I wish to have what I want, AND, I wish to have it, N-O-W! Bologna, on that theory. I've been so lonely, and trying So hard, in MY opinion, "IT'S MY TURN!" I, wish to cuddle, nurture, get me feet set in a companionship!

        Peoples, lemme tell you, I , have a thing for the windows of the soul. Eltons' eyes, are mezmirizing! I , can SEE, the depth/pain/hope/solidarity. The simpltask, of begining my days, these days, begin with loving preparation, "JUST IN CASE," he, or someone , stops in. "IS- The House, proper?" "IS, my appearence, palatable?" "Have I secured my responsibilities?" "AM- i a GOOD person, whom takes CARE?"

           I deciphered his appearence. His nails, were WELL kept. His clothing, was considered and well orchestrated. His words...were WELL thought of, afore he spoke.- - - - - - -I, was irradict, and ALL , OVER the Universe:( My heart, beat so strong, I , could hardly contain it.FOR THE SECOND/ lest- FOURTH time!       "Stevie Nicks," is playing. I- - - - am crying. Gotta split, fer a few. TY-

Monday, February 26, 2007

Just , a mere vent.

This additive, will have NO structure, what so ever.I, simply feel like sharing!

        There , have been, a few things, pronouncing themselves, within my life. ONE of them, IS- I feel the Welfare system, whom has helped my family, and IGREATLY, has shown it's TRUE coloures.  I, secured a job, WHERE, I , actually FIT in! I, don't mind saying, I did a Darn, Good job! However, since I obtained this role of employment, they pulled ALL rugs, from beneath me feet, cut me "Foodstamps," to Smitherines, as well as, the Section 8, I depended upon, RAISED our rent $100.00!

         As GOD as my witness... I have , few problems, to , WORK! Yet, my body,  { MY fault  }  can, only, do so much! Ya'd THINK- since , I was attempting to put up with the excrushiating pain, they'd , at LEAST, back me up?!  NOPE!-

             NEXT, since the passing, of my beloved, Daddy...i , FIND , THAT MY SON, whom is paralized from his 6 mo. Bithday, and, whom is now, attempting , rounding 17 Yrs., to keep on living, is , simply awaiting his death?!

             Zakkary Tylers' Dad, has come home,  { whereever  } to roost, and I wasn't  awarded the ability, nor time, to allot this information, to him. JUST, being OUT of  a LINE of prison terms, "What does / HOW does one , unleash THAT sort of information to them?? Geepers, it , was BAD enough, that I corralled him, into knowing i wished to ravage him, and take him for our OWN.

                     Silly ME- I Thought, since he has SEEN the other side, he'd JUMP, at the chance, to envelope himself, into a family fold, of PURE care and nurture??!!!!! "IT," doesn't work , that way.

                       I, shall WARN , you- NOW- , I AM exhausted.  I'm , just, sick, AND f__ng TIRED, of keeping all this mess, within', afore I hit Da Sheets! My minds Eye, goes, berserk, and I wind up, trying to pice , together, the messages, which ravage my sleeping mind. Darn IT- I , wouldn't WISH these segments, on a NASTY person!

               In, admission, of my exaustion, I, attempted to , unleash some pent, up stuff, on the pool table, of "Pogo."      NO, Sooner, did I git on, that some pathetic , sexual scoundrel, attempt to spank me , where it counts??! I, simply, closed the playground, and promised to pray 4 him! DA, Cool part , IS- it made him SOOOOOooooooooooooooo peeved, I , just HAD to giggle!@

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Here I go, again!

It, has , become, a new realm, of liturgist. A, new found sentiment, of my life. I, am to, how, I am supposed to react?! The Fact, IS- that , I am begining- - - -AGAIN! What is this, the 43rd TIME?! 

            It's mezmirizing me, as to, how in the fuck, do I go ON?   I , am begining to feel like a serpant. I, seem to continue to shed layers, in, which, to progress! I, don't mind saying, it's begining to get a bit creepy!!

             I, would, also, dig to know, what the blast is up with this?!! Each, and every time , I git a bit stronger, the world, takes this moutanous turn, in order to land me on my ass, STILL, expecting, me to further??!

             PLEASE, don't git me wromg...I still have this obtuse ability, to REthrow, the curve balls. However, I'm getting , older, and  {  best of my knowledge  } INcapeable to toss 'em round. Allow me to , better form my thought.

        At a VERY young age...I observed, a WHOLE lot of , stuff. I, then, chose to use this VIRTUAL information, to , practically , desyroy myself! These days, I have chosen, to attempt, to REACH , into a different aura. PERIODICALLY, it's doing , quite well. YET- there are these , what does one name them...altercations??! That FREAK the FUCK, outta me!

                This day, I mae myself, able to partake in a teacher/parent conversation. I, passed by my Daddys' grave, although , it was closed, due to the surmount of snow.  I held NOTHING back, and hollered, from the road, "PLEASE, Daddy, guide my tone!"              He, did!           I, arrived at the confrence, and, conducted myself, QUITE proper. At the end of the session, I, quaintly made myself , heard, as well DID the teacher! We, clasped hands, with tear filled eyes, and made a phenominal pact! This, is NOT, about US! IT, is about , Megan!! Children, can play a profound clasp.They are, QUITE capable, of REconstructing auras, to babybumper, their stigmas! THEN. they wish OTHERS, to clean UP!

           Thank GOODNESS, I listened to my Father! For, I , was readied , arned 4 BEAR.. Is, THIS, what they call, Adultness??! I , conducted myself, AMAZED- as a "person."

So many , different turns, so many opportunities...

...So many altercations are taking place in my life!

        Since I began working, my Section 8, has been raised $168.00,  my food stamps have been taken, away, and I was dropped to TWO days a week, due to being a single Mother, and needing days off, to care for my children.

            Thank GOD, my caseworker , at Welfare, told me, "Can the job!"  "I shall put your assist, back , the way it was!"

            Now, I really enjoyed this job!! My Co-workers, are as colourful as I am! PLUS, the feeling of productivity, on my part, was DElightful. I, wasn't qite diggin' to give that up. However, I am able to give MORE , NEEDED attention, to my girls, and I am going to pursue a task of stuffing envelopes/ and writing things for an office, to be sent out, as I am going to be , well paid for! I , then, shall be there for my beautiful daughters, and will be making  the needed funds, we require, as well.

             As I went up, WITH my uniforms, FACE @ FACE- to explaine my predicament to the head manager, he coaxed me to keep the uniforms, for he'd rather see me, as , Possibly, one day, coming back, once my feet got better on the ground. I put it to him, that , "I was a part of a dynamic TEAM, and since I had to call OFF, periodically, I was throwing a cogg into a smoothe running bunch, and I felt it wasn't , quite fair." He said, I was one of, THE BEST WORKERS, HE'S HAD IN A BIT, AND i'D BE MISSED."So, would I please keep the doors open for us , both?! "WHOA!" Women and Gentleman, I did WELL! I thanked him, and we shook hands. Doors, were left OPEN!

            Much of my life, when something , ended, it did it with a deafening crash. Yo!, I still have rough edges to buff! But , Hallelluia, I'm gittin' better, as time goes by. I, walked out on cloud 9!

          Today- I will go and pick up Megans' new glasses, get to the store for needs, and have a meeting with her teacher, that, { before I enter, I shall pray for a curbed tongue.} And, BE THERE for my family! How nifty is THAT?!!

           When a door , closes, Another one opens, when I let it!


Monday, February 12, 2007

Ya'll KNEW I'd kick it. SOMEHOW.


The Beautiful Woman, has , JUST -about HAD IT!

Daddy, would have made a promise to the sqirm, IF- I'd go in the right direction. Lemme tell Yas , THIS- I ain't doin' TOO badly, BUT- me body is crashing, and my mind, is getting PISSED OFF! I'm sick and fucking tired of certain things! Megan, has lost her eye glasses, I, now, have to call OFF of work, that we NEED, MOST dignifiably! Ashley, just wishes me to fuel her entertainment, and I wish to flatten her- - - - - - - BUT- I WILL NOT! And , their Dad, is a pissant!!

        Let's git honest, here. NOPE- I didn't speak of it!! However, I'm , most likely, going to  lose me leg, my LIVER, is on the outs, and I'm fucking IRKED, for me job, isn't done , YET! AS WELL, I got gonads, and I had begun, my TEETH removal, for, they're dismembering, as we speak. YEAH- thought a better smile, would do the trick. I MUST, be HONEST- the pain killers mattered LEAST! At last!! Skrew Vicoden!! The shit , wears off. Besides, I don't dig drugs, at ALL!

           Quite frankly, the more PAIN, the Better, I do! It, amazes me, as , how , someone can adhere, to a substantial ache, in, order to move forwrd.

          For The Children and Youth, you've been breathing down me back, for, WAY, TOO long! I, TOLD you... I keep a SOUND logg! Think I was messin' wicha? Yer the DAFT one! With ALL the metro functions, available, Ya'd think you'd have a BETTER Clue?!!

                 As, I AM, going to begin my regimine of medical transfer, GOD help me...for my children, Mommie, is , In NO way, a fool! I gave it me BEST shot, and , since you've seen what aches can do, do with it what you WILL! You, watched , with child like abandon, and DIDN'T understand. I stand by you!!!!!!!! EVEN, only IF- I fall short of dancing with you, I'm STILL THERE!! I , always will be! Marilyn, Papas' wife, wasn't concerned with me, THAT much.  BUT- I am, 4 YOU! All, that I have collected, is with you, and I have placed a WILL- stating so.

        I , write this, for , I FEEL! And, I have EVERY right to. These Babes, are substantial! AND- they have ALL RIGHTS to all, I have left, behind! Whom EVER/GAIL, reads this, leave this ALL to "Them." Take the rest, and do with it, what you wish:) The pictures, ARE insatiable.    Thank You...

Friday, February 9, 2007

To A Beautiful Woman...

This, will NOT be your ordinary entry.My life is moving forward, and I am in UTTER Awe, of it's openings!

           This day, I have thrown ALL cation to the wind, and began my Spring cleaning. During the process, I caught dribs and drabs of programs, on T.V., for I have a house guest, whom is , almost 6 months pregnant, without a sound residence, and struggling with a sound desire to become annialated, every chance she gets.

                 I am applying , tough love, and coaxing her , toward , Birth Right/Welfare/W.I.C., ETC.!             Now, here comes the interresting part. We MET- in jail, over a year and a half ago. We were cell mates. It would appear, I had some kind of effect on her, and she sought me out, in which to stand beside her.

             She, IS, making the calls and appointments. Now, I've not much to offer, for I am a single Mother of two. But- son of a gun, she pulls her weight, and, assists me , by being here , when the children are sick, and I can't afford to miss work. Bottom line...she's trying, and so am I.

             We shared , watching , "The View," this morn, and a young woman , age 12, was on, and - talk about an astonishing artist- she blew BOTH our minds! She states, that GOD, pushes her ability. How DARE I disagree!! This young woman, has NOT had  an OUNCE of training!!!!!!!! All, that transpires through her limbs/mind, comes from her heart.Please, excuse me, but, I identified with her, for, THAT , is what is guiding me.

           My beloved , FEW, family members, haven't a clue, wazzup , TOTALLY, with me. However, I am fortunate enough, that they love me, and have been blessed , to see how far I have come.

         The night afore last, the woman I met , whilst I resided in jail, for 4 months, well, we have become kindred friends!! My Birthday, has just passed, and , she brought me the most DElightful presents. Yet- it does NOT end , THERE! On the EVE of my day, she took the girls and I, to a concert , at her Church, that presented a tribe of young boys, in Choir forum. We, were able to observe them , Arrive. They appeared, as your average hooligans. They nibbled their food, for, they got lost, afore their arrival, and NEEDED to EAT, before they perfomed. They , allowed the girls and I to share their meal, and - it was THE most raucous event.                   -THEN...

            We shifted upstairs, took our seats, and observed THE , Most miraculous transformation, I've seen, in QUITE , some time! These , young rebels, led down the isle of the Church, clad in articulate robes, and assembled in a sound manner, that caused my jaw to DROP! AND- if THAT, wasn't Enough...they began to SING, like an orchestra, to The Heavens! Lemme tell you, THIS,       my breath was taken to a better place. It, WAS, Heavenly! The youngest member, was 6 YEARS OLD! This wonderful bugger, got out, sang solo, and walked into the audience, capturing, others that had NO problem, being CAPTURED.

                   I, THEN, and STILL, THANK GOD, my children were there to witness, what all CAN do! From that EVE, forward, Ashley and Megan, have a JOY in their steps, to aquire , BETTER, for themselves. I, am SO, not trying to brag! However, through friends in CHRIST, and a better persona of life, and what it's worth,         I am able to provide these PRECIOUS experiences, for my beloved daughters.

              For SO , long, and , with GOOD reason...I cast the perspective of myself, to the dung heap.YO- I was a cpmplete pischer kid! Yet, I have been blessed, to have caught a sight of prominent observation, to get out of my , own way...and feel the sense of adoration,love, gratituded. Especially, when I am chosen to envision, a miracle, such as the young girl, whom CAN paint. like all I dream to envision.

        MANY, will say, I am a foolish, weasle, to accept the care of a grown woman, aside, me, somewhat alone, caring for , two, Beautiful children. Perhaps , I am. BUT- when it comes , MY turn, to go home, I, am providing  a sound , reason, to attempt my entrance, with my head held steady. My Mother, Gail, "hopefully," can understand this, for she did the same for me, YEARS ago. Only, NOW- can we , BOTH, appreciate the efforts, and the outcome.