Monday, January 28, 2008

DEAR GOD, help...

 Blushy 2 LORD, I've missed this!

            SO, many things have been going on, these days. I, have grown stronger, less fearfilled, YET- I'm an idiot! SO, many things are going in a fortitude way, but, it's like I take a few steps , forward, and jack meself "7" backwards?!!

                ALLOW ME TO TRAVEL BACKWARDS,  fer a sec.

               YESTERDAY- was me Birthday. I revelled into the 44th Year of my existance. Within my ENTIRE existance, I would, without a doubt, get monstrously  obliterated! Yesterday- I didn't! I 'spose there's a first for everything. I cooked, enjoyed, Basked in the LOVE of my Children. We nibbled, WELL, and awoke , WITHOUT, a headache!!!!!!!!!!!

      There is a NEW addition, to our family. There is a young man, whom is residing with us, named 'Ryan,' He was placed in jail, for being HONEST!

THINK , I'm kidding, THINK again. He was the recipiant of a stollen computer. 'In Realising THIS, he called the police, provided the machiene, BUT-  -  - was jailed for ONE month, since he, { appreciating his life } would NOT disclose the NAME of the seller!!!!!!!!!!!

            Community, he's 23! I, am 44. He doesn't smoke/drink/do drugs/ AND- he adores OUR LORD! Community, he's friggin' GORGEOUS! The young Man has a mind like a Steele TRAP! S-H-O-O-T me, I'm infatuated! He loves aminals and he is SOOOOOOoooooo Proper , with My Children!      I've been PRAYING, 4 a sound companion!!  He, even cooks/cleans! He is RESOUND in his appearance, and conducts himself, at his BEST. [I'M IN NIRVANA]...............  He holds down "2" jobs, and NEVER, seems to lose focus!

           The man, offers me $$, so as to NOT use Us, and , it breaks me heart to accept it.

             Yesterday, 'The Upper Room,' commended me for assisting my fellow man. As GOD as my witness, 'tis The Only thing/REASON, I'm doing this. I've BEEN where he is, and it SUCKS! His Momma, can't even assist! She, is on, what is called the S.C.R.A.M. bracelette! ""THIS,"" is a device, that will take readings, in order to detect ANY, kind of alcohol!!!!!!  Therefore- since I'm living a purer fashion of lifestyle, NOTHING is strapped to me leg!  Wakka Wakka I can dance with the BEST of Us. I, HAD one, but I graduated. {THANK GOD } Spaz I'm so fucked up.LOL-

                    I, WISH I could ask your direction, as to my hormonal whimsie!


                Let us revert to another topic. THE GIRLS! Report cards came out. I, had , removed them from The Y.M.C.A., after School program. I had notices, sent home, saying they were FALLING , Rapidly! SOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo, I slashed The "Y', and began HANDS ON attention. Their Grades came UP, a bit, and , due to the reign of marilyn, I was NOT going to JAMM crap down their throats~! A-L-L, require to BREATHE'! sumtimes:)-

           SO!- they will remain at School, and be Tutored, 2 days, and then , I shall pick 'em up from the "Y," '3' days a week. PERSONALLY, for ME, if Ya try to jamm sumpthin' down my throat, I'll YAK, right in your face! HOWEVER, if ya just kick me in the ass, periodically, I'm WAY, more receptive??!!! Lightbulb Idea  MAIN point, IS- NO one said I was norml, STILL- I , A-M trying! I , Continue to pray , that my Children, ARE, in SOME profound way, enriched! Darn it, I'm just a Carly! Shit does NOT begin, NOR end with me! There has GOT to be a superior plan! To be Honest with Ya- I'm an INTENSE , whack job.KOOL part, IS- I'm gentle, and I don't hurt peoples, anylonger. As a matter of fact, i am capeable to instill Growth, these days. Bush  Bonsi Leaf  Tree 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

           PLEASE, forgive my hormonal IMbalance. I continue to have a PULSE. I, ACHE for a Sound , strength orientated soul to cuddle! I, Shall behead my thoughts, of the young man, whom resides with me! HE deserves a righteous opportunty, to SPREAD HIS WINGS, and F-L-Y!  He's Tubular, from his Heart!

              " HE , leadeth me beside still, waters. In ALL my issues, I, MUST acknowledge HIM, and HE will guide my path," Peace be Unto...

Thursday, January 10, 2008

YOU, tell me...

Did you know, I have a bleeding heart?!! WELL- I do. I work so DARN Hard, at being a Proper Christian. Yet- I loose my flippin' mind, periodically?! This , 'New Years,' I krept into it, with profound Joy, and Optimism. I've STILL got a bunch of it, B-U-T, my frustrations keep messin' with me!

          I have canned the Y.M.C.A., for the Girls, for I felt their Schoolastic abilities were being threatened. We, STILL, belong, and can visit, when err we wish, BUT- "The Latch Key," thingy, will be put on hold fer a while. Those Grades, MUST come up! Bottom Line!!!!!!  Even Megoras' penmanship, is improving, since I have made the stand , I have.

         Wish to KNOW what KILLS ME? The ploppin' MATH, escapes me profusely, and I doubt myself, for taking the road I have chosen. I, didn't STOP, There! I have placed them into 'Tutoring,' at School, after classes are done. Yo!- they squank with MATH, well.  { i just took a DEEP breathe.}

           perhaps, SOMEONE, could rejuvinate me, since , I am finding myself, Inadequate. ALL, 'round us, have more $$ than 'Trump?!!' Precious People, we have so , VERY much, BUT- our clothes are of , { I can sew that } and , "Oxy Clean," can make SUCH, the difference.

         With your permission, I wish to say, "A few, told me, " DO NOT have Children, UNless Ya got a cash flow, like none-other!" I, THOUGHT, boink you! It ALL , comes from the Heart and Soul! Peoples, I am finding, this , 'perhaps,' may NOT be conclusive??!!!!!!!!  Awe, I'm a Goof-Ball! YES- it DOES! It comes from down, DEEP inside!  PARDON, if I offend! However, 'who the fuck cares, IF, yer clothes, are NOT , 'Armani?!!'  It's WHO'S inside, that MAKES, The REAL difference! Still, I ALLOW it to cash in on me Heart, from time to time. Please, HEAR me, when I share, that my Babies are NOT dressed as paupers! We, simply, don't share the UNneed of stitches or patches?!! Big, Ploopin' DEAL! Dey's Warm, CUTE and colourefully precise! Their nails are done Nicely, their HAIR, is Quite performed, and ETC.!     Personally, however, "Judge NOT, lest thou be Judged," I've seen some in our JUDGED SLOT! Pardon, but a few, on the down scale, altered from ours!

         Granted, and Thankfully, some of the Parents, are delighted, to allow THEIR Children, to spend the weekend with us! Their Children are LOVED, FED -nicely, and pampered, best we have. BOTH, Child and Parental Units, are Pleased:)-

                     Megora, is now , in a class, which will Teach her, 'Sign Language!' She ellected this, so that she could express LOVE to those, whom cannot HEAR. THIS- leads me to share with you, an instance, which happened, when we went to the Site, where our Family is lain to rest, TWO blocks, from our residence. On, 'Memorial day, last year, we took 'Chopped Chicken Livers, and Matzoh, and sped to our Family plots. We took, a 'Walkman, and placed on the station, "Classical Musik." Papa, 'Charles Philip Gerchov,' adores it! We dined and spent time with ALL of our passed Family, AND, their neighbors.NOW- in THAT segment of the Cemetary, it is Proper, that one places a stone, upon the top of the Head Stone, to show that the Person was visited. As we departed, { and- I was UNaware my Children, had collected,Several stones } there were a few, whom had NONE, atop of theirs. Megan, asked, "WHY, Mommie, do thet NOT have stones?" I, responded, that, "Perhaps, they passed LONG ago, and Their Families , aren't near enough to leave one."              Upon our departure, she AND Ashley, emptied their collection, upon those , without. I, LISTENED, as they stated, ' I know you don't KNOW me, BUT- you are NOT forgotten. Rest In Peace.'

            Had THAT...had ANYthing to do with the clothes?!! I, think NOT!

                  I have NO boyfriend. I, have NOT the love of the husband I cannot afford to divorce. I, am so lonely. BUT- I have the Lord Jesus, I have Friends, and I have Gail! I BEG yur forgiveness, at times, I simply wish I had a SOUND  BODY to hold me back. I'd snuggle the daylights, outta some ONE! BUT- I would be more delighted, in which to C-A-R-E for the person, in the Coolest ways. These ways , would be , Spiritual, emotional,edible {food wise.} I ASK you. PLEASE send me your prayers of comfort. I have ALL I Really need. Forgive me . for being selfish. I just MISS, being hugged. Ya know, I used to take PRIDE, in being a Wonder Woman type. It's gittin' OLD!

          I can only hope, ALL of you, have one , whom to give you a REQUIRED Hug...

          Yesterday, I scooped up some delectable nibbles. They shall be able to sustain us for , at LEAST , three weeks:)- THESE nibbles, are NOT junkfood! I, am capeable , of orchestrateing some delectable meals, for TWO of The Coolest , shorter peoples, I know.

          Speaking of Peoples- I, am working , on crochetting a VEST, for my son, whom my addiction , caused me to paralize. I, WAS- gonna do a sweater, BUT- his Linda told me he OVERheats, Easily. SOooooo, I, X-Nayed the sleeves. I, canNOT wait, untill I can bestowe it to him. I made it , a bit larger, so as it will FIT- for quite some time. THIS way, he can touch the stitches, and K-N-O-W, I stitched it from my heart! MUCH alike, the Prayer shawls, I bestowed for my Church Family Members. They didn't take $$...They TOOK L-O-V-E!           It is NOT, what I do! It , 'IS,' why/how and HOW, I DO it! Same, as WHY, I am orchestrating me BOOK! I, wish NOT, to direct, Nor Preach! Simply , to share some tid-bits, that aide moi'! "SHARING IS CARING."


           PLEASE, do NOT give up. NOTHING, Good, comes Easy! Most of the time, I BEG to differ??!!! Thanks BE- I spank meself. and move, FORWARD...

Monday, January 7, 2008

Pardon, I've been a bit Dormant...

          It's been a while! I, DO, apologise!!!!!!!!  Due to the Holidays, Etc., I had to shut sumpthin' down. SO- I took a break on Da BOOK.

       SOOOOoooo, Very MUCH, has transpired. AND- I'm Thrilled to be able to share it with you.

        The Holidays, were astounding! THEY, were NOT filled with $$, gifts, and what not. It was filled with , sensations of GIVING, from what we could MAKE, ETC.! F-u-n part, WAS, the gifts we bestowed, were accepted with HEARTfelt smiles and Love! "Boscoves," couldn't hold a candle to US!

         I , MUST say, the gifts, didn't , only stem from Christmas. They began LONG afore. YEAH!- we are poor folk. However, we have been presenting our LIVES, as Gifts!! We are conducting ourselves, in a manner , that is OUTSTRETCHES ourselves, in ALL we attempt. There were times, when we were needed as a Friend. There were times, when we were NEEDED as Christians. There were times, when, we , SIMPLY, were humain and Helpful, without asking, nor wishing for ANYthing in return! For me...'tis THE ONLY way, manner or fashion, that one designates a show of help/ concern/ favor!!

           We belong to a Church, where we FINALLY, belong. It IS teaching us, MANY aspects, of living a BETTER life. This is NOT a Church that stuffs stuff down our throats! As a matter of fact, 'I' am actually, attending Bible Classes, and am listened to, when I wish to share, { wierd as it may be } THEY wish to listen?!! As I am told, things I convey, {in my weird way} are understood, and taken to heart??!!!! 

         For Christmas, since we are slim on finances, I MADE prayer shawls, for the Friends we have made. GOD, and Shewwie Davidge, have allowed me to become, quite the crochetter. SO- I orchestrated shawles , for many of the 'Family'members.  I, also, put into realm, my ability to create cards, written from my heart, in my artistic penmanship.

       Miss Regina, {a devout Catholic,} responded to the card I orchestrated for her, with her gift, WITH TEARS IN HER EYES-  that, my card was written in, such depth, and sincere elloquence, she could scarcely endure?!!!!!  I, was FLOORED! For, I was , always, under the impression, she thought I was a dweeb?!  Personally, I find her a mentor. She stands for such , resound strength, and control. me- , well, I am a strung out Hippie Freak. There, {to what I could SEE }be,  no POSSIBLE way, we could connect. FACT of the matter, 'IS,' she Related to me, in ways, that are UNexplainable. However, THEY are REAL. I, had FINALLY , begun to graduate, to an actual PERSON, instead of a useless REBEL. The LORD, has guided me, {and I LISTENED,} in order to punctuate me, into a Family, that appreciated my colourefullness. As WELL, as, I was permitted, to apply those coloures, withOUT , having to be brass!

         TOO MANY , of my years, 'I'd wished, I had NEVER been born , at ALL!' Today, I am realising, that 'HE,' had a divine PLAN, I, couldn't have fathomed in my wildest dreams.

         PLEASE, do NOT confuse what I am revealing. I have MUCH, MORE to LEARN!!!!!!!!!!!!  However, today, I have EARNED sight of the FACT, that I can actually understand that! Beside the FACT, that there IS hope for me, YET! Allow me to be MORE precise.

               Tomorrow, { since we are recipients of "Section 8," a housing blessing, will be inspected , so as we are permitted to continue , Because of this Program! The state of Penna., provides some, from a program, where, The State helps pay, 45 %, of simple peoples' RENT.

       My YOUNGEST Daughter, reminded me of IT, lest , three hours ago!! An inspection, demands UTmost attention! Therefore, the THREE of us, locked HOOK, LINE amd SINKER, into preparing the Castle, into TIP-TOP shape!!!!!!!!  it's quite COOL, cuz, we love Da Castle to begin with. SO- it wasn't TOTALLY , mind boggling, in which to prepare. WE, Adore our setting!

         I, MUST, become Painfully HONEST! As, in, the latter part of my book...I revealed, that , I-WAS an imbosilic drug/alcohol TWERP!!  N-O-T, Today!!               Please, do NOT git it twisted...DUE TO my idiotic escapades, I AM, feeling the repricussions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  YEP, broken back/metal leg /spazmodic brain!!!!  However, I am ABLE to use my HEART/mind and SOUL, in fashions, I NEVER accomodated! I, am a SINGLE Mommie, whom has MORE ZEST, than I could have immagined. YEAH- I'm a bit odd! Saints Be Praised, I, FOUND- I have a heart, which BEATS, as Fierce as a Faeries Wings!!!!!!!!! {In Flight!}     There IS a profound REALITY! TOO, many, Search for someone ELSE, to adore THEM??! 'Bottom Line- 'IS," why must it come from ,  someone ELSE?? '               I, am FINDING, that Da BEST, comes FROM- LOVING, and appreciating, ones OWN self! 'Taint no fart gonna be ABLE, to disagree!!!!!!  Carly is FINDING, it canNOT be duplicated, NOR, shortchanged, if 'IT,' comes from within!

          Yeah- a WHOLE, lot of PENT UP emotion! It's been a WHILE. Please, Pardon me.

             MAY, I request a Flavor? Send us your PRAYERS, for tommorows shake down?!:)- TYVM...