Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Hope and dignity

You'll have to exzcuse me, if my dialect, is a bit off. It's been TOO long, since I've had the ability to write.

        Still, as usual, I have something to say. Perhaps, I should cast it as vent.My world, has taken an ENTIRE , new dimension. My Daddy , passed on. I was blessed , with a new job, that IS kicking me butt, and I have a friend , or 2, whom are plagued with a bunch of life.

         For REAL, fer real, I should have my ass in bed, ASLEEP! BUT- I require a sense of release. SO- I'm taking it.

          I beg your forgiveness, if I sound a weird, but, I AM exhausted, and that's just the way it IS!

           Peoples, I faultered. I met up with this stallion of a man, MANY years younger than me....whom thought I was DElightfull, and I succumbed to his attentions. He , sparkled my daughters hearts, and had me fooled, like NObodies buisness,...then, ran BACK, to an addiction, I couldn't have called if me life depended on it.

            I guess, when one is so alone, one may fall 4 more than usual, and , well, he is , now, REincarcerated??!!!! Being a prior incarcerated , myself, I , JUST ,can't figure! I'd have grabbed onto camel balls, to stay afloat, and , away.......but, addiction , for some, goes deeper than what REALLY makes one tick/smile????! I, THANK Our LORD, I have taken the hint, and have told the MONSTER to go to H-E-double toothpicks! However, I shall KEEP him in me prayers, for the duration of my existance.

         This NEW job of mine... IS a scream! Let alone, it's kicking me physical butt! I do NOT remember, any job, that I have had, that prompts me to REALLY laugh, so much??!! Burger King, Ya gotta be odd, to put up with these peoples! The CO-workers, are a tripp!Once, Ya git yer nitch in there, can actually BREATHE. However, there is this one dude, whom is the HEIRARCHY of the whole scenario??. Truth BE told, he desperately, NEEDS a "sound" ENIMA! GOD forbid, anyone crashes and burns, for he'd be ascared to wrinkle his underpants! Talk about a ridgid , control FREAK- - - - - - PLEASE, someONE give him a GOOD fuck!At least, slap the pee outta him! This crap stain, gives ALL he comes in contact with, a hemmeriod!

              THIS, is NOT for you, today. THIS, release, is for ME! I'm NOT trying to curb my tongue, NOR am I attempting to kiss Yer ass! I'm sending out an S.O.S.- and I can do THIS, 4 it's "MY" book:)- IF, more peoples, were so free, with jotting down what the fuck , they FELT, purrrrrhaps, TOO many drugs, would NOT be suggested! - - - - - - - - -                or needed.

           i HAVE A BELOVED , TWO FAMILY MEMBERS, left- - - - and they are two of THE coolest Women I know. The first one, put up with me,... when NOone , else could figure out how to! ...SHE, is betrothed to another BEAUTIFUL Woman, riddled with cancer, and , at this moment, IN-remission:):):):):):)- She has been graced with a phenominal chance, as to continue.          THEY, are, at this moment, frolicking in , some charismatic scene, TOGETHER, and, finding UNending JOY, in doing so!           - - - - -o.k., back to moi', I have a man, whom I am still enamored by. His name is Elton, and he IS the Daddy of my beloved son. He is struggling for a life, AFTER- - - - I paralized our Son. A , whole lot to swallow! I, was a lot older than him, and he quite , could NOT handle , what all I threw at him. Shit, I'm , still trying to figure it all out! However, he's trying to format, as hard as I am........and we WILL REjoin, once again! I'm trippin on it, though, for I'm freaked out, that I am trying to REbuild something that I SO destroyed! AM, I chasing a remedy? Am , I chasing a fleeting glimps, of , what COULD have been? AM, I chasing , everything??????????? Do, you see , where I am coming from? Being , where I am/was.....I am tender to the aches of someone else......but- I have the fucking fear, that I'm setting myself UP, for another blunder?!

              My DEAR friend, Anna Young, says, I am streatching for someone to hold me, AND, I SHOULD reach forJESUS!!!!!@!Others can , actually , TOUCH HIM! So can I, but it's NOT in the same way???!I , CAN, feel JESUS! However, I cannot, seem to wrap my arms/legs/ BODY- around a spirit,me HEART IS there! ALL of the time?!! I'm such a jerk, for I REACH out to Our LORD, and embrace! Perhaps, THAT is why I am making the progress, that I AM! Still, I have a hard time, responding to NO-"ONE "holding me back, that I can ACTUALLY grasp onto. OH- well- that sounded imbosilic! JESUS, holds US alway/anywhere! BUT- dagnibbit, I require a sound flesh , to encompase!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, at least , I wish to!

          I'm NOT fucking Wonder Woman! I'm a flippin "HUMAN "BEING! And, THAT, is just reality! I, guarantee, I'm GOING to crash and burn, once again! IF, not twice! But, skrew Ya'll, I'm trying ME BEST! And, none can ask, any more , of me!!!!!!!!!! I'll let Ya's know somrthing, RIGHT now! "I'm", me WORST enemy! THINK, Ya can put me down, ANY further than I can, myself- - - - - THINK again! I, connect ALL my dots!onWednsdaysat 3:15!

           ENOUGH said! if I continue, I'm just going to git unneccessarily nasty.  Besides, I'm sick of yelling at people, it's JUST NOT their shit - - -  -it's MINE! However, the NEXT biotch that tries to ream me........I swear, I'll fucking "breathe"- - - - suggest where to go! IF, Y a  argue......I'll toss ya there! Nope, I won't!!!!!!!!!!!! But- - - -  -I'll wish 2:)- Ball's in YOUR court!

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