Thursday, August 30, 2007

Murder, she wrote

I sit here, 1/2 dressed, BECAUSE, it's HUMID as Patties' Pigs! Yet, I'd like to say sumpthin! I / We, do NOT have an 'airconditioner!' WE- have 2 fans!! We HAD , more, but the dad of My Children, whom , makes MORE $$ than Most- MOVED, the begining of the Year, and was Roasting?!! SOoooooo, assholian, that I can be, GAVE him our others.Talk about Yer BLEEDING heart!

             "Don't stop, Wigger HIT it!" I'm not supposed to use the "N," word, SO- I put my ASS into it! It boggles me. FIRST of ALL, The "n" thingy, in the Dictionary, MEANS- "a pile of sticks?!!" SECOND of ALL, They call THEMSELVES THAT! "yO, dogg /nIGGA?!" Ya feel me?!!

            I have , SUMPTHIN to say! I, am NOT lookin' forward to 'Winter!' They SAY, THIS one's gonna be a Whopper!' SINCE, I canNOT Drive, this ones gonna go down in MY History! I, That The LORD, EVEN though my leg  IS made of Metal, I, SHALL trudge, 2 provide 4 MY Girls! YET- I AM sumwhat ASHAMED, for I Chose him, as my eternal companion??! THOUGHT, I was wiser than THAT!

 

         You DON'T Know me! ALL you can do, is form opinions, from what I have written.However- I ONLY write, what IS True. I, have lied to myself, 4 , WAY, 2, LONG! Sincerely- I'm JUST, NOT in the MOOD to pose a fuckin' FAKE, THIS day! This IS Me, and if you don't appreciate me, GO-, Jack off in your OWN back yard, and fe How YOUR seeter Peels.Chuck you Farley, and your whole , fam damly, go into your OWN jack Yard, and see how YOUR feeter Peels, you ain't too MUCKIN' Futch anyhow.!Do NOT forget to back OFF! "In your Dreams, it's NOT as Hard as it appears!" "It's HIT, or MISS, it's ALL, or Nothing!" I'm still wiping away my tears...You HAVE to WIN yourself!! It's ALL, or NOTHING!-

Simply, a bunch of my mind and soul.

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Saturday, August 18, 2007

I'm in the midst of a Trauma ;)-

I, am trippin' on pure air. It's 2:26 A.M., and I can't sleep! I, just got to be able to spend a splediphorous evening with a delightful man, whom, treated me with gentlemaness!!!!!!!!!!! We spoke, giggled, and watched some flickage, that was lost and found , from my past. He didn't flinch, nor, did he have quams about the selection. WHOA!

         "Crosby, Stills and Nash," are playing , now, and I am qvelling in a mental nirvana. "N-O-P-E!" NO sex was required. He seems to appreciate me, for ME??!I, like, am SO, NOT , used to this type of behavior.  However, it is Quite DElightful!

         This entry, is gonna be short. {I think }! SOOOOooooo MUCH, has transpired this week, I'm , not really sure where, me head is at?!! My Beloved Stormie, has passed on. My friends, are in dilemnas of their own, and, I'm QUITE convinced, my Daddy, is HERE!

          My DEAR, Friend , Anna Young, who has been dilligent in trying to orchestrate a H-O-U-S-E, that can be inhabited by WOMEN, whom are fresh outta jail, @ Here. She hooked one up, once before, but the women there, turned it into a sexual drug palace??.

        When 'I,' was FRESH outta jail, MOST of those, whom were close to release, ONLY wished for sex, drugs, and whatNOT!  PERSONNALLY, all I wished 4, was a B-A-T-H, to sit beside a running stream, and have a chance to blossom! I, simply wished for FREEDOM. I asked for a chance to breathe my OWN air. HEY- I'm odd, and those who KNOW me, forsomereason, say, 'I am refreshing and exhillerating to their lives?!'

        Most of my life, I have tried to find a mold to fit into. These days, I am cool, with chillin' with me OWN mold. PLEASE- I am NOT sayin' I'm the bomb!!!!!!!!! It's just, for me, hard enough being me, lest I attempt to reconstruct me! I don't appreciate , UNneccessary acne.

         I, spose I should lay me body down. I, Thank you, for being there, for me to vent. Peace Be Unto...

Friday, August 17, 2007

Imagine

Without, imagination / HOPE, we'd have bupkiss. I, have just exited the shower, in order , to prepare myself, to record my Childrens, LAST day of Camp. on digital film, due to my Friends LOVE> {its her camera.}

      During my arrival. I shall have the oportunity, to assist my other friend. "The Circle of LIFE, let it be UNbroken!" I, wish to state , MORE , later, for I must prepare. Simple FACT, IS- such Beauty, should not , have a stick waived at it. JUST my observation. Wish us , Peace, harmony, and L-O-V-E. Please-

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

WHY, do SO, MANY, pick fly poop, outta pepper?

I hope , no one gets TOO, bent outta shape , on this entry. In ALL actuality, I am in a GRAND state of space! BUT- the deevil is a pain in my ass, and he's a liar, 2!

             I am TAKING this opportunity, to have a mental / verbal ejaculation. EXCEPT, for the demise of my Fourth Mother, whom is riddled with cancer, and, I was told, this day, that, she is INcoherant,inable to take sustanance, and ETC., there is , REALLY, not a whole lot, that is pressing on me. Still, I'm NOT going to lie 2 U, I am ANGRY, 4, I cannot seem to figure out, WHY, a WONDERFUL woman, has to go through such misery, as well, is her companion, {my second Mother } is suffering through, and, I cannot be there 4 them :(:(

          I know of , OTHER entities, whom are SO, ROTTON, and they seem to go about, unscathed?!! THEN, I know of some, whom have MANY blessings, and they claim a Throne on the 'Pity Pot,' and scream , "HELP?" Ya know, I , WAS-, one of the second tribe! For TOO long, I was an insatiable BRAT, whom was CONVINCED, that someone, { perhaps, EVERYone } OWED me something??!!! How silly is THAT?

         I've placed myself, my Children, my Friends, my FAMILY, through , one HECK of a grinder! For FRIGGIN' what?

                    There was a segment of time, where, { and still am, from time 2 time } in the throws of EXHIBITIONISM. It, began, as I , simply wished to STAND OUT, as a REBEL, or a cosmic thumb. I'm NOT sure , what in GODS name, I was searching for. COOL thing, WAS, I couldn't find it! THESE days, I 'spose , I'm getting older. I THOUGHT, I was into , 'simple pleasures,' BUT, I am finding, MANY , MORE joyous finds, being truthfull, reliable, productive,trust-worthy,envoking of happiness and EVERY way I can locate -REASONS to assist!

         My DEAR friend, Melissa, invites the Girls and I, 2 her house, somewhat often. Whilst we are THER, I do my best to back her UP. I , have NO prob, participating in the DOING of the dishes. I, take PRIDE, in HELPING, run the vaccuume, folding laundry, whatever I CAN.

         You see, I have made a mental awareness, how , SO, many, FORGET- THE circle of LIFE, does NOT begin, NOR END , with moi'! IF, and WHEN, one goes to someone elses Castle, get OFF yer hauches, and SHOW respect and Gratitude! NOW- this is NOT , due to me dish doing. BUT- she has , about as little as I do!  YET- { and she is aware of the fact, that my Girls think she's The Bomb. } took the care and love, to bestowe a whole bunch of appreciated stuff on us! THIS, consisted of BODACEOUS 'Wife Beaters,' hair doodles {my Babes have LONG hair } her Child hooked us up, with a cool picture, { which has taken home on Our wall } ETC.!!!!!!!!!!  I HAD 2 mention, to her, she need NOT buy us. IT WAS, our DElight, to be able to spend time with them!!!!!!!!! Whether I agree with her decisions, or NOT- I shall STAND aside her, no matter WHAT! { i think i miffed her, with THAT one .}

         Ya see, I have COME to a place in my existance, where, I, AM comfortable, with doing / caring about someone, without the need for payment! Ther is a story, someone told me. "A little girl, and her Daddy, were boarding a plane. The boarders, were being held up, horribly, for there was a tiny WOMAN, who was Trying to place her carry-ON, in the compartment above her seat, BUTm was having a raunch time in placing it! The Daddy, whom was behind her, 'SILENTLY,' took the opportunity, to nudge it in { being MUCH taller } for her. As this took place, the line of boarders , sped up, and all were seated. At that point, the Babe, asked her Dad, "Daddy, WHY, did you not tell her , that you helped her, so, that, she could THANK you?" The Father answered, " Honey, THAT, is NOT WHY, we DO things for another!"

           During my life, GOOD, and HORRENDOUS- others have HELPED me / US! I, have come to the conclusion, of, JUST HOW GRATEFUL, I AM! Therefore, I have located, the TRIPP, and DELIGHT, I find, whence returning the flavor. I am NOT, looking for a reward!!  I get OFF, from , simply easing some tasks, and , from what I am finding, provides MUCH, MORE time, to ENjoy.

            There are, ONLY three days left, untill the END of the Camp season! Melissa, is blessing me with the trust and use, of her ?digital Camera;)- I was told, that I am welcome, to attend the last day, and I wish to take pics, of the ENORMOUS flow / memories / moments, of the crash and boom of a wonderous season. Each, and EVERY end of a Camp season, is EMOTIONAL!  Now, my Family, being short in financial luxuries, are Blessed with Government Assist, so that my Children, may attend :):):)  I, am QUITE humbled, for, I am able to provide , structure, LOVE, programs, ETC., for them to blossom from. NOW- I'm not sure if YOU, have attended Camp , during the Summer, anytime?!! BUT, when I was MUCH, shorter than I am NOW, I DID! It , "IS," a VERY emotional conclusion, for ALL , whom attended. And, since I am a 'Memorie Junkie,' alas, a Photo-Album Addict, I intend to capture as much as I can, so they may share the "Significant Magic," that was construde, during the hours of Summer, that , TOOOOOoooooo many, need spend, engulfed within the BOOB-TUBE, OR- in some projects, with NO focal point.

        Their Dad, has an insatiable NEED, to flatten my every attempt, to do ANYthing ,well. I believe, THIS- is his reason, for despising me , SO?!!  NOPE- I have no ULTIMATE bank account. Alan, seems to  feel, that , due to his continued WORK, in between his sexual bar-room anticts, that, I am a failure.  I , as you know from the past chapters, allowed myself to CRUMBLE, a bit , TOO often. 'THIS,' Turned him on , for he had the control and ability , to SQUASH me. In allowing him to do this, I , landed in the County Jail, for 4 months:(. When I returned, I HAD learned a VALUABLE lesson, and picked up the reigns , and trodded FOREWARD! MY Children , are happier, than ever, and WE, ARE making Leaps and Strides Progress, in Nurturing and Honoring our life. Peoples, he's LIVID! The SADDEST part of this, IS, he's C-U-T Them, OUT of his life, UNless, he's on a barstool, and , decides to RAIL THEM, with a bunch of 'Gobble-De-Gook??!!!!!!'  While I was 'away,' he passed 'em around , like they were NOTHING, REfused to include their Friends at the house, and, USED Our Church, as a place to stash them, so hecould go to the bar. It was SO, Wonderful, for when I came HOME, and rejoined our Church, our Church Family, welcomed me back , with open hearts and arms, KNOWING, the DIFFERENCE, between us. We , ALL, are Dearly / Deeply entwined, within our Fellowship, and they HELPED me, get US, back on the track, that MEANS something Treasured! THIS- IS, the reason, we ALL, [girls and I } continue to BUILD from within the doors of THE HOUSE, and take what we LEARN, out, amid our lives.

              I will BE, Welcomed, to place, Stormie and Gail, { me Mothers } on the prayer chain, that WILL make a Strong Embrace. Mother gail, has a thingy, on her computer, that announces when I make an entry. THIS, brings me solace, for, I can't do AS, MUCH, as I'd like 2, but- they WILL, KNOW , of my HEART-FELT care and loving concern, whilst she observes the continued progress, {LOVE FED } that continues to bloom. For ALL, whom choose to partake in this Trippie Bathroom Reader, PLEASE, Pray for us all, YOU, included ;) AND, Thank You...

Monday, August 13, 2007

Glad for Magical happenings;)

 WizardHello ALL.A few months ago, I rehashed a Dear friendship, with an old friend, Melissa.She has come full circle with her life. She has two boys, AND two boyfriends??!  THIS, I pray she makes the right decision on, for the one, whom is her youngest sons' Daddy, is a nice boy, BUT- they split from one another, for a few reasons, which , I fear, will resurface, down the road. He cheated on her 17 times, and , when her son was born, with ODD /ADDs, he split again, only to have her Find the man, she's with now for, FOUR years, whom cared as a REAL Daddy, to her Children and her! Lemme give you an example. Yesterday, after a Magical day of pool and nature walking, he was VERY upset to find he had to ride in the truck, going home. Mattie, got him home, gave him a hair cut, and then took him for an ICECREAM! THIS, is the type of care he shows these Children, whom, to be quite Honest with you, can bring ANYONE to lividness and exhaustion! From time to time, I HAVE to take a break from them!THAT, is the nicest way I can put it.

         PLEASE, don't get me wrong, I appreciate Chris, but his track record is lousy!! I am simply NOT convinced, he can handle, NOR, understands the magnatude of what lies ahead, SO- WHAT WILL, my Melissa do, when he turns tail and jets????????

      Mattie, is Mattie! His demeanor is somewhat Stonecold and ,at times, emotionless.However, I witnessed DEEP emotion, as I observed the Horrible pain in his eyes, as , whilst we were poolside, he watched Melissa and the boys, FLOCK to Chris and his Uncle. His Dad, Bobbie, and myself, literaly got out to sit by him, while Ya-Ya, {thats' Melissas' nick-name }just disregarded him, like it was nothing. I, also, know that for 4 years, he has stood by she and the boys, THICK and thin! He has a sound job, jumps at her every request, and was tried and true, No bedbouncing, if Ya catch my drift. AND, I realise, she has ALWAYS been IN love with Chris! She Does LOVE Mattie, but isn't IN love with him. STILL, 2 me, Ya don't burn a true person, just because the spark came back. I , also, feel, she, AND THE KIDS, Will be devestated, when Chris pulls one of his disappearing acts again.

                However, on the lighter side of Doonsberry, MY Girls and I, spent the entire weekend with ALL of 'em, AND- and it Was a HOOT;)-  I cannot recall , when, I have laughed like that! We all participated in card games, cooking, 'GIGGLING,' everything. Total Magical enjoyment!We then topped it off, with swimming and a Wonderful Nature Hike! Personally, I adore Nature, and she enabled me to see ALL the NEW renovations to 'Nay Aug Park,' where I spent most of The most enjoyable years of my life. YEP! I got weepie , on the way home, for it was Magically SPECIAL 2 me.I recalled floggs of memories, and I was able to share this, with my best friend, and a nice man, Matties Dad, who has loads of his OWN 'Nay Aug Memories.' That would be Bob. He appears to like me. AND, it's been a LONG time, 4 me, to have a gentleman, be concerned enough, as we climbed around a bit, to take my hand, so as to be sure I didn't crash and burn.He is a year older than I , and , it seems my Children think he's nifty, too! I AM takin' this one slow! I told him, enough of this kind of talk, { he said something a little raw 2 me } 'You, Sir, haven't even taken me on a date, yet!' 'I am a proper , Christian woman, and I deserve some flowers and a Movie;)-' AWE, We shall SEE, WHAT we shall see. He  even called me , last night, to say what a nice time he had, and to remind my Girls, to be CAREFUL OF THE RIDES, today, when they go to 'Knobles.' I, personally, found it sweet, and so did they.

           You see, I'm becoming older.I have seen / learned some thimgs, Melissa hasn't , just of yet.This is why, BESIDES, I CARE ABOUT HER, that I took the initiative, to say to she and Chris, a bit of what I felt. FEEL ME , on this one. No matter what she decides, I AM her friend and will stand beside her, through everything!No Matter What!! I Pray, she knows that.

                         I , also PRAY, the Girls take me with them , in Spirit, when they ride the SKLOOSHE'! It's our FAVE RIDE, at 'Knobles.' I, cannot go with them, for there isn't room, and , besides, this outing, is their B-Day gift, from their Aunt Tracy. It's all good, for I get to care for Melissas' Children, while she tends to some lunacy, started by her sister . It's GOOD, to give back , to a person of ones heart. TTYL ;)-  x0x0x0x0

        





Monday, August 6, 2007

As the world keeps turning...

I got a call, from a Dear Friend, today. She told me, the man whom had Fathered her Children, three days ago, was found dead, due to sleeping pills and alcohol. She is , DEVISTATED. On Top of that, 1 and a 1/2, she split with her other partner of, @ 2 years.

          Right before that, I get a send on My Space, from a 12 yr. old, {bullshit, it was his Mom, using his pic! } threatening me, and cursing her , own sister, 4, she does drugs and LIVES to Lead imbosiles with NO spine, down the Downward Spiral.

               YET- the day, ended on a delightful note, for MY daughters, paraded on a float, through 'Dunmore," allotted to "D.A.R.E!" { Drug , Alcohol, Resistance, Education.} Run by a wonderful Srgnt, Springer. THIS, is , formulated, to assist youths , to TEACH them, what NOT to do, so they don't end up , like 2 many of their elders.

             Me Babes, are sleeping in the coolest of climate, possible, {TENT } in our yard. And I, am baking in here, to write my thoughts. "It's ALL good! " Wish 2 KNOW why?  Lemme tell Yas. I , USED to be a drug abuser. As a matter of fact, I paralized, my 6 mo. old son, due to driving drunk! I used 2 shoot a mess of cocaine, Meth, sniffed heroine, and HUFFED glue. I USED to say / think, I'm not hurting anyone but myself, and what the fuck do you care 4?!! Thank The Angels, I DO NOT, feel like that , today.

           I shant fib 2 U, I still drink beer. I, do NOT drive, and I do NOT get drunk , every Thurs., Sat., or ANY day! I have a life, and I am my Childrens Mommie. Fuck it, I am CARLY, and I am WORTH , Much more than a slobbering existance.

          In the accident, that claimed my leg / boyfriend / Sons LEGS, REALITY, hit HOME, and , someHOW, I grew MORE.  continue to LEARN, I am worthy, of BEING THERE, being reliable,claiming WORTH, to ,not only others, but, ME 2!!     ----"Harvest Moon" -- - - "Come a little bit closer, hear, what I have to say." I have found, that, just because, MY heart ached, I had NO reason, to shut it OFF, so, "I "could NOT EVEN HEAR IT! How could I EVEN THINK, of being able to identify, what I was feeling, learning, cascading?!

         NO ONE, said , "ANYthing GOOD, cums Easy!" Pardon, but I was told the EXACT Opposite!

          For the person, whom threatened me, hiding behind her 12 yr. old sons pic- magic , or NO magic, I wouldn't break a nail on you! Either Grow UP, or get OFF the stupid ride. Yer pathetic, OH!- I'm sorry, you already KNEW THAT!

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

A monumental day!

 WizardI sit , here, in utter delight! I seem to be growing, and so do my Children. I have a Dear friend, named Melissa. We, appear to be , 'on again, off again.' However, she provides me with a wholesome outlook , assist, and guidance. She, is the Mother of TWO boys, ages ? 4 & 6?! They are both, riddled with the A.D.D, O.D.D, ALL the D.D's, you can think of!!

           LATELY, we have meshed with her and her clan, and , when I git home...I am physically/ mentally, exhausted! Yet- I am rejuvinated upon how I set mine eyes on my own existance. I, am LESS IMpatient, with my own circumstances, and, HONORED, to be included with hers.

            I, witnessed my Children, taking Great Care, in Bonding with these young men, and FINALLY realised, I , actually, had a PART in this revelation! Now, Megan, {me youngest one,} has gone through "7" brain surgeries! Became a die hard , maternal LOVE bug. AND, my Ashley, took note to guide and place , herself, as a dilligent FRIEND, to  those LESS fortunate. The little weasle took the reigns, and did WELL!

             NOPE, we , STILL, have MUCH 2 learn! However, I was thrown back, at the reality of , 'WE, have a cool grasp upon what IS priceless.'

           I had ALL of me UPPER teeth, extracted. I, TODAY, was blessed with a Fresh set! 'THIS- is a tripp!'  It will take me a few, to quit gagging. HOWEVER, I smiled as a Cheshire Kitty, at every person I came , somewhat in focus with!  PLEASE, allow me to convey, that I AM, quite Grateful. Yet, they are NEW to me, and cause me to gag, a LOT! My Melissa and I , tried to Celebrate, and went to the drive through at 'Mickie D's.' The fuckers got lodged in Da BURGER! THEN, I ended up 'Ralphing', as I attempted to show my Children, ALL, OVER Melissas' van door:( I am trying to figure out, HOW, to shorten the span of the ROOF portion of their compose;)- Book  

Dentures
Custom Smiley It's a tripp!

                      I am getting tired, BUT- I wished to logg THIS, afore I had something else to BEEF about. I, would LIKE to share, that, I hope your days are unfolding, as whackie as mine are, in the possitive way. PEACE BE UNTO...