Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Connections? ARE they real??

:)- What the .....,

           Connections! What exactly are they? I met this dude, come June 25th, 2006, we'll have been Married?, 12 years?!  What a dasterdly JOKE! I , have come to find out, he is a profusive FAKE! THIS- is one of my MOST dibilitating IRES! I detest FAKES!!!!!!!!!!!! If one, cannot shoot from the hip, GET LOST!  YEP- it's Alan.  This profuse imbosile, has got the nerve , to plague me with MY faults??! Tid-TURD, best get it REAL, when I HAD to go away for a short spell, he passed our Daughers, off on barmaids, he hooked up with, LET ALONE, STEPPED ON THEIR FACES, WHILST i GOT TO CONVERSE WITH THEM, FROM , my assylumn! Thank GOODNESS- I'm a Hippie, ause, I'd flatten him, and have a GRAND time doin' it! To ensure $120.00 per week, as Child Support. his penis ain't that special! He does NOTHING FOR THESE  Children! N-O-T, that i'm , anything immortal! However, he took NONE thought, for their needs, 'cept to pay them off! God HELP me, it sounds like me Dad! He didn't cuddle, EITHER! He'd just hand out a few bucks, perhaps a check or 2, and FEEL, that was all it took?!

                      I'm, somewhat irked/confused, for WHEN, The Lord, Blesses us with the responsibility of KIN.... are we NOT, expected to use our hearts and souls?! I mean, Ya got this heffer, making his MARK- on the BAR scene, rather than placing his priotities on the gems of children?! AND, this stiffens his rodd? I, am completely different! Here I go, getting bruitally honest. I used to do, horrible drugs. My, Dad, had bets with his friends, I'd N-O-T, make it past sixteen! Rather, than interceed, he just placed bets??! ---------Guess what? I am STILL winning:)- I, am 42, and there is hope 4 me YET! I'm NOT going to fib 2 U! EASY?--------N-O-T! But, I'm wrighting to you, now, aren't I- Yeah- not a whole lot of lives, are simple! B-L-A-S-T.......one CAN win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ya just gotta git yer mind, into the WHOLE! "WHAT, do you wish?" WHAT do you want?" "WHAT, ARE, you willing to go for?" ARE you worth IT? I'll bet me bottom dollar, that you ARE! YOHE!----- I didn't say it was going to be an EASY, joy ride! Ya gotta have a spine!

                I have NO veins left, because, I killed 'em , from unrulie administrations of "intervenius drug use." I, have watched , others, become enraptured into the "hole," that, would N-O-T, let them out! "IT," is an actual MIRACLE,- THAT i WAS PERMITTED TO RELINQUISH! but i did it!, AND- NObody, can coax me back! I watched, as women , put up their babies! HOW devistating, is THAT?                There "IS," Hope!!!!!!!!!!!  I , have this cool house, life, promise.......and, all hope, is at my disposal! I , fucking did it! AND- so can you!      Yeah, we can all, piss and moan............ get a grip! "IF," Ya wish for something REAL- then, YOU , Will, go and git  er done! Get off The Cross, someone, somewhere, sincerely needs the wood!           Git 'er Done-  Willow-xoxoxoxo

Monday, May 22, 2006

A most wonderful turn of events:)-

Ya know, I've been ejaculating a whole lot of grime?! However, today, I'd appreciate to go in a different direction. Now, life, on lifes' terms, can, at times, be a real pest to swallow. Yet-yesterday, my daughters and I , made a scarey change, and took the risk, to relocate our place of worship.We , simply, cannot get to our, Most beloved Church, from where we live, and the astounding woman , whom provided us with rides, has needed to alter her roots, as well.Still, we have attended THAT Church, all the days of my childrens lives.

       Our rooted community, stems from the Dunmore area, and ,GOD, plays a significant part in our lives! So, we took the jump, and attended the new gathering place:). I was underthe impression, that services were at 10 O'clock. So, we WALKED in glorious pride, that WE were doing the footwork, and upon arrival, found that it began at 11. "EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!"We were joyously greeted by friends, my girls go to school with, [which lessened their fears immensely,] and invited in, for a Eggs/Bacon/Sausage/Pancake/Juice/Coffiee breakfast!!!!!!!!  What a delicious opportunity, in which to meet with, and nibble our way into our new family??!!

         We were resoundingly greeted and accepted, into this parish, AND came to find a couple , whom USED to frequent our previous Church, and a few other , familiar friends, to boot:). The Pastor, "Fred," was a delight , especially , with the childrens time with him, and our community roots, deepened. Thank God! My girls, may be able to join in their outing , of White Water Rafting, and we will be THERE, on June 3rd, to HELP raise $$$$, for the excursion, with a car wash, held by Our Church. A little give and take, don't Ya think?!

         By the way, at the childrens time with Pastor Fred, he Picked Megan, to HELP him do a skit, in order to secure the message he wished to convey.He asked her to securely plant her feet into the floor, and NOT 2 move 'em!!!! Then, he placed a piano stool, aproximately 4 ft. away, and asked, "WithOUT moving your feet, how will you go to set upon the stool?"She was at a loss. He asked her to gather suggestions from the community. "JUMP!", was one of the replies. "NOPE," "THAT, would be moving of the feet." Another woman, simply offered the idea, of ASKING someone, to move the seat closer! BRAVO! THAT, was what he wished to hear, so he enabled Megan, to pick one person from the congregation. SHE PICKED ME!NOW- I had just paid a visit to the powdre room, and the belts of my dress, fell into the waters:(. I sported a large , wet spot, on the back of my dress! I didn't let her down. I arrivd at the front, hands behind me back, as to fold the extra cloth in hopes, no one would see, and placed the stool, RIGHT under her bottom:). Red Faced, I returned to my pew. The ice was now broken, and we have HOPE, afront us:).

           Later this Sunday, their Dad, arrived with the child support, and was in Quite a foul disposition. He awaits jail time , AGAIN, come Tuesday. That is his hearing date.I shall attend, and , Thanks Be, I took the time, with love, to TALK with our daughters, about what they may be feeling about this possible turn of events. Ashley, sorta-kinda wished to spill, but needed a push. I offered her MY feelings about the whole scenario, as I watched her relax with wide wonder, and release her own. "IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!"---was the main thing I needed to convey. She accepted it , and allowed herself to move forward. As did I!

         During the sermon, Pastor Fred, shared a VERY important assimile. "When one goes camping....what is one of THE most important rules to abide by?" ANSWER----"When one leaves the sight, one MUST leave it, BETTER, than when one found it!" The circle of LIFE-does NOT begin/NOR end with me!Consideration of , those , whom were before, and NEVER to belittle , those , whom WILL arrive next! One of me FLAVORITE facts , the Indians held SO dear!!!!!!!!   To me, I choose to hold the Indian belief, in HIGH admiration, Right next to God. Peace Be Unto...

Friday, May 19, 2006

I'm just gonna let loose...

I'm not in the mood to sheist anyone! I'm enamoured, by life and what it prevails! I, warn you now, I'm going to curse. I'm , about to lay upon you my thoughts and , I'm not holding ANYthing back! THIS, is my release, and NOT yours, unless you identify! "IF," you do, then, I'm sure you will be glad that someone wrote it.

            These days, I have been gorging on a whole lot of bullshit. Still, I have encompased  a sincere amount of couthe. However, this night, has presented an astounding realm of focal points, I , was WAY not ready for! As the warmer weather begins to encompase us, ALL come out to play! Being a Mother of two women, I , understand , the virtual need , to release my girls into the world, so to scrape their knees and fall down, afore the times when they can actually , crash and burn!!!!!!!! NEXT THING I FIND----is, my daughters have rounded up a slew of youngins', and they wish to skate board , from the top of me house??! I came to find, they dug my lights and music, and thought me to be cool?! SO----- I join

What I think, IF, anyone cares...

I , completely understand, how , we All, HAVE OUR LIVES! I'm , simply getting dumb founded with mine?!There is so much 2 do! It's , kinda likethe circle of life. It, doesn't stop, nor begin with me.

         This morn, my children were accepted, at school, for "Throw back , "Flash Back Friday." Just a jot, this is when , one dresses as a Hippie! I, AM, a Hippie! I took joy, to think they did this 4 me, 4 they knew I had the costumes:). I, also, took the joys, in weaving , into my daughters hair, false roses. She looked dynamic!! And, she felt that way, 2! The other daughter, was, as usual, persnickity, YET- she dug what I orchestrated, as well.

           There are NO, perfect parental units, ANYWHERE, ON THIS PLANET.However, there ARE, those , whom give it their ALL! I wish to applaude those , whom give their best! I, was subject to  parentals, whom did what they could, YET, for their own purpouse.NOT mine. That, cut deeply.

        This May 27th, 2006, Megan, will become "8" yrs., of age. She is aware , that it's my Flavorite #:)- Wanna know why? THE # 8, always has a friend, and , if you follow its composiure, it does NOT cease!

          Last Sunday, their Dad, stopped by, with the "Child support." He SWORE," he'd call and check upon them. Now, each day that passes, my oldest daughter, cals his favorite BAR, for he neglected to pay the Cell Phone bill, and , THAT is the only aspect , for how she can connect w/him????????!WHAT THE-----! She is painfully , realising, that he is a liar! YET- she takes it out on me. This morning, she took a stand, and as I questioned her, she spins around, and states,"He promised, so when are you going to fold, TOO?"

Thursday, May 11, 2006

You tell me!

Hello All-

       I have been dealing with life, on lifes' terms , fer a few, and I'm begining to wonder , why?! I don't usually jam to Heavy Metal, but it sounds so familiar to me, these days.I feel like I should be sporting a leather/metallic garnish/body sculpt suit, with claw founded , hip level boots?! Good thing I waxed:). I was awarded some type of apascratice, which pulls the hairs out by their roots, and , the more one uses it, the less they grow??! Life, is a flippin' tripp! So, are the apascratices! Talk about PAIN! The sad thing , about it, is, it reliquishes the destraught, I am experiencing, as I stumble through my own details. I don't mind being honest, but I'm giving Life, THE old college try! I mean, I am going to the matts! Yet, this crap elludes me?! No matter how hard I try, I encounter another 2 by 4, upside me head??! Mind me, I WILL survive! Taint me, whom gives up , without a fight!I'll be dang blasted, if I'll be taken down! I've had it , up to my eye-balls, with these men , whom feel they can poke without recogniscence! YEP!, I allowed myself to be swallowed up by a sheister! Think I'm gonna fall? NOT ON YOUR LIFE!

          It's growing close to Mothers' Day. Some woman, gave birth to me, somewhere. However, the whench that tried to convince me, I, was hers, I would , UNfortunately, adore to slam! However, it would NOT be Christian of me. SO--------------now I feel, I must send her sumpthin' to ease her ache from reality.Did she EVER send me something, to ease MINE? NOPE! Two wrongs, don't make a right!On my 11th Birthday, as I spent in a Boarding school, was blessed with a card from MARILYN, stating, with a news paper photo, the name cut off-----"Here's your Biological mother, BITCH, Happy Fucking Birthday!" God darn it, I was 11???????!"What THE! And, then she decided to plaster me , for the continuence of my existance, like it was MY fault?! I was told, my Dad dropped me on my head, several times! Pardon me, but it's MY fault I'm a bit OFF centered?Ya wanna know something? Boarding School, was the better years of my life! I didn't have to deal with them!!!!!!!!!! It was up to me, to secure , some sort of idioscincrosies, I pulled out of a NIGHTMARE! No fucking wonder, I slammed the world, as best as Icould! Bad part of it, was I almost destroyed me, as well.How, in Jesus name, did I EVER make it back to the point of actual breathing???????! NOW, I have an assholian husband, whom is waiting in the barracks, 4 ME, to clear all indescretions??!What THE?!-----Have you ANY idea, how much weight I am loosing , from the release of this? I've had this shit , pent up inside of me, for WAY too long! I , was actually , pondering  deep depression. I , simply , couldn't shake it. So......last night, before I fell aslepp, I SCREAMED a prayer to Our Lord, PLEASE, give me the energy, to accomplish the tasks , that are undeniably , needed of me. I flippin' did 'em!I can't BE , more proud of me. I'm scared to DEATH, that I won't make my daughters Birthday fandango, what ,all, she wishes it to be. SKREW_--------"IF," I put my heart and soul , into it, she'll NEVER forget! Fuck the plastic! I, too many times, refuse to watch the birdie. WHAT- is REALLY important? Where does it stem from? I'll bet my last dollar, 2 many people, can't even face the question! It's a doozie! Reality, what a concept.

Thursday, May 4, 2006

Did I miss something?

I, am certain, I missed something , along the way! Lately, I've been dealing with these characters, that are MORE warped, than I am! "What THE...," truth be told, I CAN be a pain in the ass! Still, liars, flippin'fume me! Muthas', you can't shoot from the hip, then DON'T take  a knife to a gun fight! Telling fibs, is, in my opinion, just a cowards stand! Ya give a bloke a chance, and the bloke comes out , smellin' like no one wanted the bloke , in the first place! What a rotten reality!

          Permit me to give Ya's , an example?! Not, TOO far behind, I had a "cellie." She agrivated me , THEN, and , she's gotten worse, after she located me, in the REAL life?! God help me, I , actually believe she believes her own stuff????!Needless to say, I cut her off. HOWEVER, my husband,?!, is doing the same vermine?! NOPE!, I am NO angel! YET, I'm, at least, trying to progress. Pardon me, 4 blowin' me own horn, but, I'm doin' QUITE a bit Better, than I ever was?! LO!- I still, have QUITE a ways to go! But, heck, does anyone have a spine of sound promise?

             I convinced myself, 4 2 many YEARS, of a bunch of lies, to where I thought "I", was THE icecream! GIMME A BREAK-    I'm about as succulent, as a pickle! For REAL, 4 real, the trees, have been here, eons longer, than we foolish humans!SO!, how DID we, all, become so grandios??????? Let me specify. Take a GRAND storm. WHAT, do we humans do? R-U-N, for shelter! WHAT do the trees do? STAND, and remain! O.K., some, [veryfew,] land on a house. YET!, Most, still have a cool story to tell, if anyone , ever took the time to ask/listen! When I spent 2 1/2 trs., in State Pen., my tush was busted, constantly, for talking to this , ONE magnificent tree! Every time I passed it, I had a dandy convo with it! Upon my release, a woman, whom I feared would extinguish me, at any sec. of the day, wrote me a note, stating, "DON'T say ANYthing, but you had a great tree friend!" "It talks 2 me , too!" "The birds, say a lot, TOO!" "Don't come back, you don't belong here!"I, proceeded to relinquish my food, into her locker, 4 I wouldn't need it. She FIRMLY, stared a hole through me, and said, "take that s__t, outta my locker, for you could get me to a place, I don't wish to go anymore!" I removed it, and placed it , in the middle of the floor, ..........the rest was up to Him/them!

Wednesday, May 3, 2006

Just a few things, I'm wondering about:).

I'm not sure, what anyone can get from this , so called, RANT?! I know , for me, it's just has to be said, 4 me.A few days , ago, I clicked the WRONG THANG, on the computer, and all went to the CAN! I explored ALL aspects of "Tech Support," to NO avail! However, I remained gregarious, and pulled this returning Rabbit, outta a hat:). I kept it , UP in prayer, and without ANY training, figured out how to secure me portal, back online. I feared, I had lost the book:(. BUT- That wasn't His plan:):):). NOW- "IF," I could ONLY get it to be Public?! I began in a private journal. And, BLAST, if I was gonna REwrite it all!

          So much is happening. My, so called friend, Lynda, has turned out to be a Vodka swilling fibber! Silly me, I Thought, she was semi-o.k., BUT!

   Alan, my husband?, slammed me with a bomb, well, THREE! The first, was, he's most assured, going to jail, 4 he has court, May 23rd! DUI/No license/ETC.! Then, he staes, he has three months to live due to lung cancer! 3rd, and , most likely, NOT last- it's NOT lung cancer, but Emphasima, where he will require an oxygen tank at all times?!    "WHAT THE....." I mean, PLEASE!

       Now, granted, I possess weird quirks of my own, but THESE kinds of calculated attacks, would NOT be issued by ole, weird me. I'm just trying to keep my head/heart, in a possitive direction. Mind you, it's a task, from time to time! Awe, who knows why, some do what they do?!

           On the lighter side of "Doonsberry," I continue to make some profound progress. Thank God, 4 music! One of the many, COOL things, that has occured--would be that my tub[bath], blocked up! Yep, I hear Ya, "WHAT IS COOL ABOUT THAT?"Well, it goes like this. I began to orchestrate a defense upon my Landlord. I CANNOT get tossed from here!  So- I THOUGHT, it wasn't my fault, that it was a result of their poor plumming?! I had addressed them a month and a half ago, about it, and I was visited by the she landlord, with a bottle of "Gel Draino," tucked beneath her arm, under her attitude."THIS can't be good," I surmised. SO------I dabbled with it, long as I could!My plunger requested a VACA! As the problem grew, I called "Roto Rooter," and , come to find, the darn plug was my hair that fell out, for a multitude of medical reasons, and, was ACTUALLY lodged in the sink?????????! The dude named Leigh, [my husbands/ middle name], not only freed our BATH/SINK, but provided me with a lot of righteous talk that was utterly beneficial! I paid the man, and EVEN coughed up the rent to The Riggis'. INSTEAD of stickin' it to 'em, I came out on the better side of the reflection, and earned their praise and appreciation.   whoknew?  "Tax Man," has begun to play,which prompts me to get back to life, and locate our State refund, which is in holding.       Thank you, 4 listening, as I go to "Pick Up The Pieces." B/B/S- Peace Out...

Tuesday, May 2, 2006

I'm confused?!

I know, life sometimes, throws us , curve balls! That's JUST life. But, they have said somewhere, sometime, that-God doesn't give us , any more than we can handle!Yet, at times, I beg to differ:).

          My husband, has bestowed his newest saga, upon me. He declairs, he has lung cancer, and has three months to live?! Granted, I don't appreciate hic antics, but, the mere thought of a human, having to go through that mess,is completely unsettling! Especially, since he is the companion, whom ushered my /our children , into this world, and into my life!

           If you'll excuse me, I have JUST had the clog in me tub, disintegrated:):):):). I, wish to cleanse it, thoroughly, and submerge into it, for a sound cleaning, of ME:). I wish to rehash, my thoughts, a bit later. Thankyou, for your patience.