Sunday, June 24, 2007

SIMPLY, My life, unfolding...'s been a few mins., since I logged on. CHURCH, today, was INcredible! THIS year, has been a doozie!! It appears, I have faced MORE loses, than I bargained 4! YET- I have aquired, MORE collect, than usual!!

        I lost my Daddy, his wife, Marilyn, AND, it appears I shall haver to place my CAT, under, for he is begining to show signs of anguish. These days, he lays, has trouble walking, and seems to NEED, 2 be NEAR to a Teddy-Bear, for solace. YEP- I'm NOT, doing ANYthing, UNless I have to, BUT- I shall NOT sit by, and allow him to suffer!

          In Church, today...The sermon, was about , when, The 'E," man , and how he "burned OUT!" He stood by Jezebel, and proclaimed all she mandated him 2 do. At the end, he became suicidal. He Ran, beneath the broom trees, and , asked GOD, to release him from LIFE! As he lay down, to die, an Angel came 2 him, twice! The 1st time, Angel asked him to EAT, and drink water! He DID!

        As he lay, the Angel, came to him, again. After speaking the same tone and story, The Angel , said , AGAIN... Drink and EAT, for you will need this to sustain you, for your journey! He was obedient.

         GOD, then spoke, saying, "WHAT, do you WANT?" TWICE- he responed , with BURN OUT, in tact, "I, have done this, that and the other thing, and, NOW, everyone wishes to kill me!" he lied!!

          The 1st time, GOD SAID, " Climb the Mountain, and look me in the face!"

         The 2nd time, GOD SAID, go back and REtrace your footsteps!" "THEN, move foreward."

             I, WAS, the D-Man! ican'trecallhisname!  BUT- i WAS him! I had, what they called, LEGION!! It , was a Legion of demons, and I scared the shit, outta EVERYone! I, then, could NOT, EVEN, phathom, a life , without the Legion of DOOM! Yet, these days, even me Church, is grateful, that I share, with honesty, who I was, and where I am, TODAY?.

         My girls and I, are fucking broke, and , now, I / we , face another death??!!! But, we WILL, survive, and gather a strength, that, is, UNable to be corralled in words.

        Our Friend, Anna Young, whom I met, in jail, as a Pastor, is at a point in her life of 70 sum years, where she is ridden to NON-mobility.I took her , in prayer, to our Church, today. I didn't get to speak, outloud, but GOD/JESUS/HOLY SPIRIT, Heard me!!   It's NOT over, 4 me! I, just began!! Come with me, and walk beside me, and be my friend. I NEED you.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Just wished to say hello;)

Good Morning...

         I have been a bit negligent, in my offerings to my precious pages:(.     SORRY-

      Camp has begun, for the girls, and I have been making , pain staking progress , within my own realm, and-Garden /Yard::) I just took a , slight break, for the bird feeder was empty, and , {over me muzik, I could hear them , being cratchety, about the nothing, that resided in their flavorite spot.

         OH!- I got this GREAT 'pinkle.' It is housed, right where Marilyn Monroe, had her resound marking of beauty, and I keep playing with it, so it doesn't heal so quickly. { YEP- I'm ODD! } So sue me, I like it.

        Speaking of aminals, he-he-, we have a NEW edition to the fa,ily, named, 'Frankie.' He's a DElightful, six-week-old kitten, with a fundamental attitude, that one CAN become quite attracted 2! The COOLEST part, IS- The Initial Scamper, age 14 yrs., has actually taken a liking to him, 4 I was guided to MAKE SURE- I gave The Scamp, DUE, EXTRA attentcione';)! I am STILL, finding, it is NOT- what one DOES!  However, it IS- how one does it!!

             Alan, is LIVID- 4 he provided the gerbil, 'IGGY,', whom passed on , after 2 1/2 yrs., and as USUAL, promised? to replace an aminal. NOT- on purpouse, I beat him. Shit just worked out this way. Awe- what do I care?! He'll, for always, be a miserable clodd.   {askmeificare:) }

             I must sound like an insensitive twerp?!    -NOT!- , just when it comes 2 him.

               I , have , also, UPgraded my amounts of attention and care I put to our house/family/MESELF!! :0   how'boutTHAT?!!  We ARE,running on , almost NO fundage. BIG DEAL- 'what else is new?!'  We had a segment of NON fundage solace! SOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo, we're back in the poor pot. All works out, in the LONG run!! To be quite honest , with you...OUR cup is 1/2 FULL! TTYL, with LOVE!


Friday, June 8, 2007

Just ME!

This night, I watched , 'Empire Records!' I haven't viewed it , in QUITE, some time! I thought it would be a dazzle , during the heavenacious storm, that danced outside! I, was RIGHT!

            There are scenarios, in my life, that are hard to, I was blessed to have a friend, drive me to visit my sons' GRAVE site! For REAL, fer real, I kept my composieure' QUITE well. I, also, spoke with him, and he is an intelligent lad!! Many things were revealed to me, and I didn't dress to the hilt-! I, went as my , own person. I , leesened the mascara, 4 I didn't wish to look like Rocky Racoon!!

        I sat with him, and, explained 2 him, how many peoples , adored him, and he was NOT a 'Tilly!' He listened, and, then, assured me, that he WAS aware that my efforts were NOT , UNknowtist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          I, did a bad, BAD thing! I laced judgement, upon 'Paris Hilton.' AFTER, I sent resound sends...I realized, I'm MORE perturbed with her parental units!! 'IF,' they would get OFF of their fortunem perhaps their daughter, wouldn't find it, acceptable, to be free-wheeling HOE and non caring of what she spends! Let's git REAL- if the YOUNG woman, didn't have endless CASH, at her disposal,she , MIGHT- be able to form a MIND! I MUST rest. Till the morrow...

Monday, June 4, 2007

The change in me, fraks me out, sumtimes...

 Flower Heart GlassesMy daughters, will be graduating, on the day, my son was born. I gave Birth to the coolest Dude, on June 6th, {he will be 17 } i stink at #s!

          I was a complete and utter goof ball, after I gave birth to him:(  I, even went as far, as to paralize him, at 6 months of age.  I've already stated this.

            I have, NOT MUCH, however, I have everything!  I sought the niftiest cards, included , Precious pics, and sent, over night, the RING, Marilyn got for me. It is SOLID STERLING SILVER, and I had it engraved, with a "Z!" It was gotten, when I was just a minute big, so it is quite small.  Yet, KNOWING "MY,"son, he will take it to his heart.

            I held back tears, like NOBODIES buisness! The woman, at the Post Office, knows me, believe it or not, I have rectofied my noteworthyness. I walk, everywhere, and I do it with my OWN elloquence. I attempt to speak to all whom I pass, and, have found, many wish to be spoken with!!

            At the moment, I am behind cloked walls, so I have nothing to refrain! I, simply wished to logg this, for , I got a feeling, I'm going to be a mess this evening. {NOT- a BAD mess! } just emotional.

            THERE IS- something I fear. It IS, that after Linda scours the package, she will deem it , UNpresentable, even though I took GREAT measures, NOT, to appear improper in my wordings!!

          It's ODD- I really , do NOT condone her measurements of me, to him. Still, she has CARED for him, for , over a decade, and I am UTTERLY AWARE, that I'd , have lost itin the bathroom, whence he battled the insurmountable surgeries, ETC>!

          I am aware, that MOST of those, whom relinquish their children, make NO URGE, to connect, nor address them!!  YET- I am NOT, of the norm. Easter Cross  She cannot help, be in awareness, of what I AM about. It , simply boggles me, { to a certain aspect } - I, am a persistant one, whom hasn't let go, and will not!

          Fuckin' ,"YEAH!," she did all the work! I GIT that, and I am GRATEFUL Love Drops  however , JUST, cuz, she can NEVER be his biological mother, what the fuck does that have to do with his wishes/ feelings / longings?????????????????/

                  Quite simply,  {inmy opinion  } one does NOT take on , another, if one requires more than, just helping the one survive, best one can. YEAH- she fell in LOVE! I, don't blame her. I did, just too late. BUT- why rob another entity, of MORE LOVE??????????? Shit-

           Allow me to be more specific. I was bought and sold. My REAL DADDY, was mine. Marilyn , couldn't carry a child she SO wished for, so-  -   -Charles impregnated another woman, and bought me when I was cooked. 

            ALL I WANTED, was to know her, and to know why, I was THAT insignificant??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!   All I got, was bunch of lies, and , my cousin, loved me more than everyone else. SOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo, what the fuck was the point.

          I , wonderfully, was sent all over the world, and , so, who the fuck cared?!     so, here I am, PRAYING, I could get closer to my beloved son, and this GOD centered woman, blocks me , every time?!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I just don't get it.

                                          I apologise for being so forward.. I've been attempting to shorten my verbal qualities. BUT- me heart has struck a cord, that I , canNOT seem to evade. Peace Out...

Saturday, June 2, 2007

I'm NOT so bad, after ALL...

...I CAN do sum things pretty cool. "IF," I t-r-y."

It's Quarter to 5 A.M.-

Allow me to become , more precise. 'LOOPY,' is THE understatement of the weekend!!

        Megans' 9th B-Day PARTY, is in a few hours. Thanks BE, to GOD- I've got most all required, in forum. However, I , sincerely require some SLEEP. I paid the rent, and have the UTTMOST of nibblables , 4 tomorrow/TODAY! Fuck head is going to join . SOOOOoooooooooooo, I had to put on The Ritz! I'll be dagnibbitted, if he will find me, LESS! Road Rage

            I have the ENTIRE ensemble, lookin', and feelin' GOOD! But, Ya know something?? This , is NOT for him! It's for Megan!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Marilyn, can't top THIS!

          pardon me, i'm being a bugger. Ya know, some of us, don't have ANY relation , to DONALD! Yet- MOST of US, can do WAY better!

          I DO wish, my Gail/Stormie, could BE here. I'm sick and fucking TIRED, and I'd adore to have the important ones, to be able 2 see, I can do SUM things , WELL.

             Megans' cake, R-O-C-K-S! It's simple , TASTY, and adoreable. 

          With ALL, DUE respect, I m-u-s-t, git some MORE sleep, afore the festivities;)- Peace out...