Mental Ejaculation

It's the end of the school year. Quite frankly, I don't know whether I am coming or going!

           So many alterations, are going on. However, I am one blessed bitch!!!!!!!!!!  Ashley, at this moment, is in Harrisburg, on her last field tripp {;)-} We are ALL praying, that she graduates from 5th 2 6th!! I have an incling, she WILL:)

           I have just returned, from BEING a Real friend! My beloved JEN, had to put her cat down. It was hard for them to find a vein, and the first application of anesthilisation , was nil. However, as the doctor went to get another dose, and Jen- went to powder her nose, "I," was left with "Pee-Wee," alone. This brought many recollections , of my DADDY. Peeps breathing, grew More and MORE shallow. I pet him, and sang "Amazing Grace," to him and spoke with my soul. As I sang, his breathes, grew more shallow, and I could , actually FEEL, he was listening! I was Honored, that I could HELP.

            My friends, "i," once more, had alloted to be there , as the world closed, and a new one, began. When I did drugs and such, I had NO time, to be there when needed!! I, aaaaaaaam, completely Grateful!

         We got a REAL tent, this time, yesterday. I , with the assist of Ash and Leroy, placed it upstanding and true Blue! Pardon, but she's SEXY!

        Last evening, the girls fell asleep in it, untill it got 2 chilly, and my FRIEND, helped me to bring them in. Afore that, we sat around the picnic table, in me OWN back yard, and -PROPERLY- listened to muzic and read Tarrots- We laughed, {quietly,} and - I was told, that mu friends felt calm and at PEACE, when around me?!!

        Fuckin' A- I was , Usually, the one whom deemed the opposite! I AM growing ! I am SOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo happy for this Revelation. I was blessed with the ability to provide , cool, clean enjoyment, and Backed it  up, with everyone, being able to attend work, the next morn!!

          I spose, there IS, hope 4 me YET!

nothing

Someody, REALLY SHOULD, put me to bed! It, WOULD be such a joy, if I could HOLD, someone, besides me , POOR, snuggled to death Teddy Bear!

KISS my ass!

I, have LIVED! At the moment, I am freezing! BUT- I, still have lived, and I am proud, of having been ME! I have been a pain in MORE patellas, thn you could shake a stick at! YET- I, am "ME," and you are not.   told YA, I was weird! 

GOD Knows-

...I;m NOT sure, WHAT is going to come of this! Quite frankly, I don't give a fuck. This is MY book! I, can enscribe anything I fucking wish to.

          YES!- I'm a peeved individual. So- - -what else is NEW? THIS...IS my way to escape. A SOUND WAY for me to let off STEAM. I'm NOT in a bar! My Family , is in ALL directions of the Earth! And, if THIS pisses ANYone OFF- skrew you!    OH!- did you GIT , that I'm a BIT perturbed? Pardon.

       "She Moves In Mysterious Ways!"

                          I , fucking TOLD you, this was going to be THE best Bathroom reader ,Ya ever saw!!!!!!!!!!!!

                Here I am! A single Mother,whom IS trying her BEST. And it's getting wild and wooly.Every , fucking time, I "THINK," I am going forward...I seem to go fourteen steps , BACKWARDS! I'm gettimg fucking , tired of it!

           My second oldest, has , taken the shoppe of of a thief?!I , wished to slap her butt. However, SHE told me, forthright, "do it , and I'll land you in JAIL!"WHAT the fuck? I DIDN'T blast her! i MANDATED, thet, she speak to our Pastor!! Get some BALLS, and reveal, what she'd wish to become.     " Go ahead, Ms. Lucy., GET HONEST, and let's SEE what you come UP with."

          Her Daddy, said, "Ya should have GRABBED MORE!"I've BEEN in JAIL, afore! N-O-T, trying to go back. It sucks! "IT," was ALL I could do, for NOT to pummel him to a pate'!!!!!!!! Ashley, as I repromanded her, solemnly, said to me,"send me to Daddy, HE loves me!"- - -  - - - - what the fuck does one do with THAT??

             Ya KNOW- N-O-W, I QUITE realise, what MY Dad, went through! I put THAT MAN, through a wringer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let alone, the sacred OTHERS, whom Tried to HELP!

                THE weird THANG- IS- my health is diminishing as we speak. I'm a fucking HARD ASS! I, have NO problem, at having FUN!If you don't mind me saying, I'm some sort of a professional, at having a GREAT time! It's something, I have learned to do best. I, attempted, to address my SOON 2 BE - EX- D-O-N-E! However, I should be SHOT! I AM , desiring women! I have been, for QUITE some time! The weird THING, "IS," I still like the way that  "THE" rod, feels, atwixed me legs??!!!!told yas, it was going to be THE BEST bathroom reader, ya EVER saw!

         I, GUARANTEE', me Papa, is pissed off, like NObodies buisness. YET- it's the GODS HONEST TRUTH! IF, it wern't, I couldn't write it! GAIL- I, completely adore you! YET- I'm a fucked up individual, and - little by little, i AM dying. big fucking deal, I asked for it, I got it!TOYOTA! I've secured ALL , that need be secured! I'm going out, cute as shit! THE- niftiest PART, IS, I finally made my point. I, shall NOT be forgotten. I didn't stop with the stupid humans!!!!!!!!!!! The aminals dig me 2!

Time spent with my Family...

  ...it, is my GREAT. pleasure, to announciate, that I took the time, to go to the place, where , my Family, sleeps with Angels.

           They , from the weather , swore, damaging hail, rain, and winds! However, during my heartfelt desire to visit the grounds , where my Family sleeps, the sun, broke out like a beacon, the clouds fled, and I packed up me backpack, with a toole, and a Pointsethia, and capped it off with cool tunes in my ears from me walk-person, and headed out.

          I was blessed, as I approached my Families sites, to converse with the many other Angels, whom reside , near...

           NOW-normally, I would have a sound array of Rock and Roll, streaming into me ears! Yet, I chose NOT 2. I , and the faeries, seemed to fall on classical tunage. {my Daddy, L-O-V-E-S classical! }

         HOPE, you are sitting securely, for, before I left, I cried, for , there was NO funds that I could afford to place his NAME, next to his Mothers', and, best of my knowledge, all he had was a spike in the ground, given by The Veterans.

          Saints be Praised! As I arrived, my eyes, lay upon, "CHARLES." engraved , next to his Mothers' !!!!!!!!! "Joy of Joys!" ALSO, at his feet, was a delightfilled plaque, Stating , that MY DADDY, was a Leutenant! ""WOW!"" {perhaps General, I'm not sure, for , I was SO taken aback, -I took pictures!}

          I pulled the toole and plant, from me bookbag, and did me BEST , to plant it. It , was to NO avail. That groud is too, profound, for my , silly, little dollar store toole, to have moved much! SO- I accepted to irrigate a spot, in which to place the planter, which the plant was housed, and, then, stepped back, with,"Romeo and Juliette," dancing in my ears...the opera version, complete with a sound orchestra. I SAW, my Daddy, and his surrounding Family and friends, revel in joy, SO- I decided to lay back, in the blistering JOY/SUN!, and speak to my friends, with my heart/mind and soul, NOT, my mouth.

          Sometimes, I find , things that I do , are insignificant. I am Pleased to report, this was NOT one of 'em! I FELT, and saw, spirits dance, for I am blessed to have the love, in able to observe, what, so many, forgot to be able to feel and see.

          I stayed there, for quite some time. THEN, I arrose to visit with the rest of my Family members. Since, Aunt Helen and Uncle Rubin, are my Daddys' nearest relatives, I placed emotion and stones atop their heads, and silently spoke.

       As I kept my shoes , removed, I traveled over to Aunt Bertie and Uncle Meyer. After, placing other stones on their heads, we spoke for a time. I conveyed , Gails' sentiment, and her wishes for a Happy Mothers' Day. My Aunt Berty, agrees with me, that, "her Daughter, is an assette' to , all, whom she Mothers!" Uncle Meyer, just seemed to smile, and shake his head, at, ME! Although, he DID enjoy the taste in music;)-

         The entire escapade, was both, wonderous, and "magical. "AND- whom ever felt the love, to ensure the markings, on my Daddys' stone, I , Thank you! That would be, "Thomas Cometa!"You see, I felt like a pathetic daughter, whom hadn't the requirements, to Honor my Father. QUITE POSSIBLY, The POWER of PRAYER, is quite resound! The strength of all, whom had the same dream/wish, provided a substantial outcome, to a man, whom, despite his character flaws, has been lain in a marked plot of designated respect!

        Ya know, at times, TOO, many, feel they are all alone and cared for, by NO - ONE! From what I am seeing, N-O-N-E of us , can absolutely capture the FULL effect, of ALL of whom we have touched , in some magnanomouse manner or fashion. As long, as we TRY, our BEST, none- may put assunder!

         "Hey Eddie, can Ya lend us a few bucks, can Ya give us a ride?" "Bruce Springstein." "Goldstein." "Gerchov," "Gorchoff," "Dennis, ""Cometa."

          As the tears stroll down my mug, I sit, and feel, WHAT- IS!, More important, and what is just a bunch of UNneccessary hogwash. I, am as futile as, the next human mongrel. We, ALL, have SO much to learn and OFFER! ME-included. Yet, I believe I am making some progress, and I wish to continue.I can only hope, that MORE , OTHERS, wish to do the same.TOO, many, seem to get STUCK- in what the commercials /movies , show us:(  There IS, More to life, than what one can purchase, and how they gonna vamp their CREDIT??????? Balderdash! THE- MOST , precious, are NOT check deep! THEY, are soulfilled. No matter WHAT pants, one wears!;)-{bras INCLUDED.} May GOD Bless you, for seating yourself, in which to peruse my writings. P-E-A-C-E      

LIFE, is a bleepin' TRIPP!

Ya know, , even as I grow older, I seem to become MORE confused!

          I have given my husband, card blanche', to instigate our divorce. However, since I have, he calls me MORE than he ever did!

        SHOOT ME! I am allowing my heart to regress. He has found a new homestead, and another woman, whom he says , he can talk to, and she is a good listener. FUCKING WONDERFUL! "NO," I don't wish him back!!!!!!!!! BUT- it peeves me off, to NO end, that he's found another, whom , HE SAYS, does it better than I do! Pardon me, BUT- I gave up all and everything, to compromise , and, NOW, he finds another, whom he says , does it better.  How DARE I, even go against the grains of progress!

      Purrrrrhaps, I'm , simply jealouse', that he got one, afore I did?! "IF," he , actually DID.

          As Spring, actually springs, a whole lot of new growths, are occurring. This event, does not begin, nor end, with me! I AM making me OWN progressive  milestones. Ya'd THINK, I'd be aweful gracious, for my own life...but, I AM having difficulties, with the letting go parts! YES!- PLEASE, whallope me!

         

Here come those dreams , again.

Yes , in gosh,darn , deedy, the last of my sleep frame, from last night, was an ONgoing dreamscape.I believe, I am aware from where it stemmed?!! During the changing of the season , many different transformations, are TAKING PLACE! Revelations, have begun to take their courses!

             First of all, SPRING, has Actually, Sprung! This has urged me, to begin yard work/care, and readjust my Whole life-style.The girls, have begun, "Softball,choir,Girls Scouts, ETC>! To be quite, honest, I don't know whether I'm coming, or going.

         The next, Elton, is STILL OUT, and housed in a 1/2 way house. Yet, another man of my choice, to ravage me with head games!! Not only has he roped ME, into his mind fucks, but has taken ,"EarthMother, JUDE," into his "Dungeons and Dragons Trilogy! :(  SO- the dude, I thought / hoped, to be mt final boytoy, has informed me of many GLITCHES, that take place in the fullfillment of this focal point. He's even taking NON - PRESCRIBED pill meds, for his , so-called, torn ligaments, and THAT, places him in a precarious situation of dire straights for himself, and, The Girls and I!  heavysigh...

          Here comes the Lighter Side Of Doonsberry.Alan and I, have been , somewhat speaking. As it stands, he is serving me with Divorce Papers, which, for MANY, Great reasons, I have decided with joyfull GLEEEEEEEEE, to sign!! THIS, will permit us to , within aproximately 4 months, be FREE from one another, and just be good friends, whom happen to be eternally attached at the children.I SWEAR to you, it feels like a thousand pound weight , HAS, been lifted from my heart and shoulders!

         Now, I will be free, from adultery, in a few, to, perhaps, find a companion. What a delight. However, at this point, I'm MUCH older, a bit out of my old body forum, and carless with two , Beautiful Angel girls. "SEXY, HUH!" Tee-Hee.

         SO, in the later part of mt slumber, I was faced with a dreamt saga, that revealed , Quite a bit of shuddering occurences.

        "It began, a whole bunch of us, in veritably cool frames of free mind, gathered. We were having a dandy time of galas, and cautillions.I found myself, to be close and kind, with each, YET- as the "PROPER," festivities  awakend, those, where our children were Most permitted to, {picnics/gardenings /campings /cookouts...the berage of family orientated activities, ONE BY ONE { girl suiters /boy suiters } began to try to tripp me up, a sort of exam/challenge, to suite me , "IF I EARNED IT," with the proper companion?!! At first, I did my UTTMOST best, plagued with the stress, of NOT failing. It seemed, I simply wished to find ONE of the suiters, that I could call my own! Yet, the tasks they deemed, just KEPT ON, becoming harder and more frequent.

         Now, Peoples, I don't mind a good challange, romp, BUT- simply because I am alltering ,MANY of my characteristics / mannerisms, I STILL- have a Rebel Streak within me, that will NOT be squished , easily! Granted, even though I have made pronounced progress within me person...I still have much to do.

         Make a long and drawn out story, a bit shorter... it got to the point, where, "I'VE HAD IT!"  i STEPPED BACK, AND ADDRESSED THE ENTOURAGE. " I wish to tell you all something. With ALL that has been making itself know, in MY life, I find your challanges and  games, are , in the least bit, degrading!" "We are all trying! And , lonliness, is not a twin of desperation!" "SO- I suggest you get off my back, we go BACK to having a nice time, and  , those , whom think they are the judge of me, best judge themselves, FIRST!"

                 This , was a very calming way to wake from the drama, I had to play with, for hours. Hopefully, when next I dream, more fun, WILL be had by ALL>

          To regress a tad, Alan has found himself, a new / better apt.!  He says, he shall be moving in, This Friday. He has rented ,actual furniture, this attempt around. He wishes for the girls to be able to visit with him, more. He SAYS- he's swilled down, with the intake proceedure. He stays home more, and , that he's NOT seeing anyone. "You bitches are a pain for an old man like me. I have my job and my cats!" At least, I had the dignified  blessing, to wait UNTILL we hung up, to giggle profusely:)