Wednesday, April 9, 2008

It's , just me...

          There came, a time in my existance, where I was SnowBalled, with these observations, that threw me 4 a LOOP!  It's 4:50 A.M., and , since I chose to go to bed, Early, Mind kicked into OVER Drive, and I ,R-A-N, to me pooter!  Pardon. I detest IRAN!! Let's Git-R-Done , THIS way. I, LEPT, to me computer.

                 For REAL, fer real, I SHOULD be SOUND, asleep! But...

          IF- ANYone thinks , for a moment, that, there isn't a GOD/JESUS/HOLY SPIRIT- Yer foolish! There have NEVER { that's pig wash } been MORE, Sound P-R-O-O-F, that JESUS exists! Steming back to me begining pages , I'm STILL kickin'! I, SHOULD have been Squashed, LONG , ago.

            Due, To, the internet, {{ which, at ONE point, I threw daggers at}} , I have made Friends, that ARE, substantial, and LIFE giving. 'THEY,'- wouldn't KNOW me, IF we fell over one another! STILL- this CRAZY communicative device, has, Actually, placed me in the Graces, of perhaps, 11 People. For , some STRANGE reason, I enhance their inner Qualities, as well.

            Isn't it ODD, that one has better ability, to address, topics, 'WHEN' one does NOT need do it ;"Face 2 face??!!!" 'GO' figure??!!!

                        REPORT CARDS- arrived. PLOP OFF- Yeah, I just realized, I had logged THIS, afore. me Babes, pulled 'em UP<3{that is a throbbing heart ,<3}

            I, NEED to say, something. In the days I did the drug thingy, 'Twas ONLY- by , "JESUS " Grace, i was allowed to keep them as me Daughters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  THESE days, I am STILL, Searching for , substantial REASON. For, TODAY- it's frequenting, on UTTER amasement, as HOW' I continue togo forward??!!!

                 

              Yesterday, I tended to the front of 'OUR HOUSE!' Me back , was in, EXCRUSHIATING pain! STILL , I kempt UP, and "Got-R-Done!" Raking Leaves  Xray Raking Leaves  I , AM- feeling the pangs!

         Please- - I /We, reside, in a Rural area, where-EVERYONE has 'OODLES,' of $$ ! I, have observed, that MOST, write a check/card, "Personally, I do me OWN,"in which to have their yards, prepared, for The Spring, that wishes to Actualy ARRIVE. Embarrassed  YET- with VERY , little $$, but a Heart that BEATS, like a Faeries wings in Flight, I , Also, have noticed, 1 OR 2 , become jealous of me progress??!!! "WHAT, a tripp"

                    IF, I M-A-Y, it's QUITE absurb, BUT, I, C-H-O-O-S-E, to speak with GOD! Funky, THO... The MOST, comfortable Place , in which to do SO, 4 me, seems to be in the Bathroom! Please , allow me to explain. During me drug years:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(, THAT- is where I should have deceased!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i SHOT more STUPID STUFF, in the throws of the bathroom! When I say 'shot,' I , mean, into me veins! 'From little -Ville, I detested to HAVE to get a needle??! To be Honest with Ya- the way i looked at life, had NOTHING to do with JESUS!

              As well as you, IF, it weren't for JESUS, whom put up with a LOT , I'd have 'NO," redemption! Fucking, TELL ME, Ya'll never frigged UP, 'ROYALY??!!!' THIS MAN, was RAILED!

      There was this sermon, in Our Church, where , we were given, the nails, ETC.- so that we may SERIOUSLY , contemplate, what JESUS, gave for us! "When they asked me to place the 'STAKE,' ...I 'WEPT,' and reclaimed my seat , in the pews. FINALLY, Realising, how much of a bonehead, i AM!

             I, am Blessed with, a Super-Natural provsion, I {AM} aware of the ability to F-E-E-L, S-E-E, things, that TOO many , forget to ENvision. THE, first time, I was Shown this Grace, was-when I was home from a 'Boarding School,' I was panned off to. {PLEASE- don't get me wrong } I stepped into a World, I had NO, Idea, existed. However, since they mailed me, I chose to LEARN, how to smoke??!!!  YET- as I returned HOME, for a spell, I desired a cigarrette.  SOOOOOoooo, I decided to light up, in me Closet. 'A' Resound FEELING, came upon me, {PUT IT OUT}, still, I cast the FEELING??!!! 

               SILLY ME!

I, was BUSTED!

                  Marilyn, smoked, from the time she became conscience, 'till she couldn't hold her eyes, OPEN! WISH to Know something? For '2' L-O-N-G, I attempted to KILL her! I, could NOT stand her. HOWEVER, due to her passing, from Cancer,,I find myself, REALISING, that the Woman , was in GREAT, Mental pangs!

        'IF,' I was Charles Gerchov, and I cast my gaze, { and she said 'YES.'} I'd have been "DIE HARD," in adoring her, as well! OH- by the way, "Charles Philip Gerchov, " IS, my Daddy! He has passed ON. BUT- I am , and ALWAYS WILL BE, his little Girl.

              Marilyn- we were TOTALY , opposite.

   I, believe, I have conveyed, ENOUGH, at this time!

                  Each, and EVERY day, MORE is UNfolded toward us! It's ALL, on how one LOOKS at it!

2 comments:

SeekerHawk said...

I care and find a lost soul searching . Finding something in this very large world. Only to find that this large complicated world is a place so connected that we seem to find ourselves all together in the same place at the end ! No one is ever alone but it is sad that people feel that along thier journey ! We are all connected and part of the same great plan ! Come home Caroline and feel safe again !
This life is a miracle and shines on us every day !!! Be happy !
Know you will see your father again ! But for now ---- smile - be grateful -- cast dought aside -- grow as if you were a flower-- because you are !!
Make today the best day you can have !!!! And love shines on you !

Love Ya ! Carly Scott
The great SeekerHawk !!
Yes !!! SMC !! You can come home anytime you want !
And remember ---- You are never alone !! Smile Princess

Keith Rudloff said...

Caroline,
Been trying to find you for the last six years. I always wondered what became of you. I always considered you and a couple other people in scranton friends. My life has taken many turns but ive done well considering all the things ive had to overcome. Yes those bathroom days with needles are all gone. Please get in touch with me. Good to see your doing well, and sorry to hear about your mother and father. Deke (changed my name to Keith) long story