DEAR GOD, help...

  LORD, I've missed this!

            SO, many things have been going on, these days. I, have grown stronger, less fearfilled, YET- I'm an idiot! SO, many things are going in a fortitude way, but, it's like I take a few steps , forward, and jack meself "7" backwards?!!

                ALLOW ME TO TRAVEL BACKWARDS,  fer a sec.

               YESTERDAY- was me Birthday. I revelled into the 44th Year of my existance. Within my ENTIRE existance, I would, without a doubt, get monstrously  obliterated! Yesterday- I didn't! I 'spose there's a first for everything. I cooked, enjoyed, Basked in the LOVE of my Children. We nibbled, WELL, and awoke , WITHOUT, a headache!!!!!!!!!!!

      There is a NEW addition, to our family. There is a young man, whom is residing with us, named 'Ryan,' He was placed in jail, for being HONEST!

THINK , I'm kidding, THINK again. He was the recipiant of a stollen computer. 'In Realising THIS, he called the police, provided the machiene, BUT-  -  - was jailed for ONE month, since he, { appreciating his life } would NOT disclose the NAME of the seller!!!!!!!!!!!

            Community, he's 23! I, am 44. He doesn't smoke/drink/do drugs/ AND- he adores OUR LORD! Community, he's friggin' GORGEOUS! The young Man has a mind like a Steele TRAP! S-H-O-O-T me, I'm infatuated! He loves aminals and he is SOOOOOOoooooo Proper , with My Children!      I've been PRAYING, 4 a sound companion!!  He, even cooks/cleans! He is RESOUND in his appearance, and conducts himself, at his BEST. [I'M IN NIRVANA]...............  He holds down "2" jobs, and NEVER, seems to lose focus!

           The man, offers me $$, so as to NOT use Us, and , it breaks me heart to accept it.

             Yesterday, 'The Upper Room,' commended me for assisting my fellow man. As GOD as my witness, 'tis The Only thing/REASON, I'm doing this. I've BEEN where he is, and it SUCKS! His Momma, can't even assist! She, is on, what is called the S.C.R.A.M. bracelette! ""THIS,"" is a device, that will take readings, in order to detect ANY, kind of alcohol!!!!!!  Therefore- since I'm living a purer fashion of lifestyle, NOTHING is strapped to me leg!   I can dance with the BEST of Us. I, HAD one, but I graduated. {THANK GOD }  I'm so fucked up.LOL-

                    I, WISH I could ask your direction, as to my hormonal whimsie!

 

                Let us revert to another topic. THE GIRLS! Report cards came out. I, had , removed them from The Y.M.C.A., after School program. I had notices, sent home, saying they were FALLING , Rapidly! SOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo, I slashed The "Y', and began HANDS ON attention. Their Grades came UP, a bit, and , due to the reign of marilyn, I was NOT going to JAMM crap down their throats~! A-L-L, require to BREATHE'! sumtimes:)-

           SO!- they will remain at School, and be Tutored, 2 days, and then , I shall pick 'em up from the "Y," '3' days a week. PERSONALLY, for ME, if Ya try to jamm sumpthin' down my throat, I'll YAK, right in your face! HOWEVER, if ya just kick me in the ass, periodically, I'm WAY, more receptive??!!!   MAIN point, IS- NO one said I was norml, STILL- I , A-M trying! I , Continue to pray , that my Children, ARE, in SOME profound way, enriched! Darn it, I'm just a Carly! Shit does NOT begin, NOR end with me! There has GOT to be a superior plan! To be Honest with Ya- I'm an INTENSE , whack job.KOOL part, IS- I'm gentle, and I don't hurt peoples, anylonger. As a matter of fact, i am capeable to instill Growth, these days.      !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

           PLEASE, forgive my hormonal IMbalance. I continue to have a PULSE. I, ACHE for a Sound , strength orientated soul to cuddle! I, Shall behead my thoughts, of the young man, whom resides with me! HE deserves a righteous opportunty, to SPREAD HIS WINGS, and F-L-Y!  He's Tubular, from his Heart!

              " HE , leadeth me beside still, waters. In ALL my issues, I, MUST acknowledge HIM, and HE will guide my path," Peace be Unto...