Monday, March 26, 2007

HERE , we GO, again!

It would SEEM, that, EVERYTIME, I get a foothold, on a kind of solace....sumpthin' ELSE, comes around, to bite my ass off.


            I, decided, to call my husband.          Whom, seems NOT to contact US, at all, UNless he requires something,we have to offer. Being the Mother effort, I, cannot seem to refraine, from checking in, once in awhile.

            This evening, I was informed, that, "allegedly," he has Scoliosis of the Liver!  NOT, a big surprise, for me, for he drinks , better than a fish, and , myself! Ya SEE, I indulge, BUT- not to the extreams, that he DOES.  I , have a bit of fun?!! BUT, he , whom is , directly , and profoundly, sited on the site of "Fonzarelli!"

                YES! I have , the insatiable art, of calming down. BUT, he, has an insatiable knack, of going , from , "FONZIE," to "A WRECK!' He, is astoute, at presenting himself, clean cut, and purrfect! HOWEVER, give him an hour or two, and he slides from, "PIST A RESISTANCE', TO A  Full fledged MESS! He drinks these things, that could make THE Emperor of ANYwhere, succumb to an IDIOT! It, TRULY, amazes me, to watch the transition, take place!

                    I, USED, to be his hair "PERSONAL" stylist. TALK ABOUT, "THE " Most  maticulous of persons, I have met, in QUITE some time, he crumbles, to an ABSOLUTE wreck! Even, the way he presents and , carries himself, is QUITE THE opposite, of what he is SO proud to proclaim.

          My heart, breaks for him. NOPE!- I, do NOT, wish to be reunited with him!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT- - - - -he IS, my husband?!! THE Father of our children. And, with every attempt, to INVITE him to a dinner/outing/ETC., he , defiantly, turns our efforts DOWN!

               With A-L-L HONESTY, it has NOTHING to do with desiring his penis! It, however, DOES, have to do with him- being our girls Daddy, AND , the man I chose to say "YES," to! We, HAD a love, that was , amazing. NOBODY- would I allow, to alter my path!!!!!!!!! UNTILL- - - - I let him sink , "I'm NOT sure what," got into me. LORD, GOD, I, fell, HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER, for this man!! I, changed my ENTIRE compose! Feeling , Secure, that THIS, was THE one????! ONLY, to find out, that the transition I allowed to take place, was, COMPLETELY, in vain.

            I, spose, I, had always been chasing , the LOVE, I, TRIED to R-U-N from, and, could NOT , catch , again. AND, when push came to shove, reality REALLY bites.       WHERE...does one GO from THERE?

      SO, what did I do? BESIDES, as WE destroyed all we had built, I...was , again, left to conduct my world, on my terms. -OR- so I thought.      "Bitter Sweet Symphony."           ELTON. "You Got ME Wrapped Around Yer Finger, do you have top let it linger?"  "I WAS WRONG!" " YOU KNOW, i'M SUCH A FOOL 4 YOU"

                         The Weird part of this, IS, I am gaining a surrept stature of existance. SLOW, B-U-T, Sure! And, Elton, has RE-entered. Being a woman, whom ACHES for a Sound figure, to hold and snuggle into, perhaps, I am blinded?! YET- I am COMPLETELY aware , of what I HAD, LOST, and, have Found , once again. OR, so I "think." IS it, just, that I ACHE for a sound form and  mind, a sculpted mass, I desire to embrace me, within the strength, so , I don't have to repel all the demons on me own???? NOPE! Eltons' EYES, fingers, intricacies, EVEN , how he drives his car, ignights my molecular being, simply to observe, how , meticulous, he GUIDES his vehicle. Simply, to observe him, orchesrtating his ride, is , ALMOST,More than I can handle.

            There are  a few people, whom, SAY- I, am SO strong?! ?"How do I sustain my strength??" THIS- boggles me! I, cannot , seem to perceive, this side of me?!! HOWEVER- I, step back...and , take a peek, at my Castle, me Family, and , INescapeable realities... AND, say, "WHOA!"

             I, do NOT require, just , anyone! Yet, I'd TOTALLY DIG, a , SOUND- SOMEone, to share the realm with.

         YEP, I'll bet, there are MANY, "IF," reading THIS, whom are saying...This whench, is OFF her Rocker! Perhaps, I am?! BUT- as I compose my back, doesn't ACHE as badly, as it DID.

                 I write my feelings of truth, for TWO reasons. THE, MOST important one, IS, it is mt solace/release, The Second, is, TOO many people, attempt to bury me, and, as a few instances with "Children and Youth," I was urged to keep a Journal, and THIS ONE IS FOR REAL!  I, have NOT skipped a beat, NOR, have I skipped a segment ! It, IS, consistant. IT, IS Honest, and, it is ME! So, the next time someone decides to take a pot-shot at me, "BRING IT ON." There , is "NO," way, THE, Most prominent disciple of authority, can SAY, this , was  drum up, from a need to pacify some odd sort of legality. Besides, my feelings, ARE worth it.There's. in NO way, a person, could enrapture a composition of THIS depth, off the top of their skull!

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