Tuesday, June 27, 2006

This is it, make no mistake...

...it's 4:57 A.M., and I took a call, yesterday, stating, that my step mother, who is riddled with Cancer, staying in the hospice unit, has , aproximately 24-48 hrs., to live.I believe, you are aware, that I have made prior entries about her, filled with loathe and hurt. But- as I sit here , thinking of the time I was picked up from Boarding School, Chartwell Manor, located in Mendham New Jersey, at the age of eleven years old, FOR CHRISTMAS  vacation, my Dad drove us , straight to the hospital, for Marilyn had tried to take her life, and, - THIS IS WHAT SHE HAS ALWAYS WISHED FOR!  Well, it appears, she is finally getting her wish!

          I am not proud of the disdaine , I have harbored for her and her pathetic adoration of materials, rather than family riches, and I've spent the entire time, shaking my head in painstaking horror, that she loathed me, due to the fact that my Dad, slept with another woman, concieved me, and then adopted me, or should I say bought me, to appease her own incapeability, to have one of her own. Sheesh, I was told , for most of my life, how she thought I was only to be fed, twice a day, dropped me on my head, and dressed me up like a battery not required , toy doll. When I encountered my own mind, and rebelled her reign of "Mommy Dearest," she hated me more and more! All I wished to do , was be allowed to perspire and get dirty, at LEAST, once in a while.Every Sunday, this woman, showered me, placed me on top the kitchen table, and blew dry my hair into a page boy, for hours, and when it came time for bed, she'd tape my hair to my head with pink setting tape and Scotch tape, only to rip it off in the every morning. "No Poop Tails, allowed!"

           However, even though I  was subject to this, and MUCH more... in finding out of her nearing demise, I just don't hate, anymore. I am, in fact, delighted for her, to finally find the PEACE, she so desperately needed, with Our Lord, Jesus Christ.A couple of years ago, I was shown , my Dads' WILL. I, being his biological daughter, was shown to get $1000,000! SHE- was promised EVERYTHING else. This, I allowed to hurt me deeply. But, today, I could give a rats wisker. To care, whether or not, of what is left to me, would bea haunting display of HER desires, that I couldn't stand in the least. I, simply wish to have , just a few things. These things, would be the portraits of she, my Dad, and my Nonny and Poppy.

          My Dads' Best friend, Tommy Cometa, has taken the responsibility,of having her creamated and will travel to New York, in order to spread her ashes all around Manhattan. THIS, was her life long desire, and she gets all she wants. There will be NO service, NO closing, and I was begged to, NOT be considered! Tommy asked her, does she wish a Preist, Rabbi, anyone of the cloth? "NO!" was the response. I must wonder, where will she end up? I , simply pray, even though GOD was not one of her cherished materials, that HE will harbor her anyway. This woman ran through life, in excrusiating , emotional turmoil. Let her find some peace, at least in the end.

         Good-Bye, Marilyn Marie Moore, I really DID try to be , SOMETHING you could use. Peace Be Unto...

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