Monday, June 19, 2006

'Taint NOTHIN', but a thang..., The Lord, doesn't give us more than we can handle," anyhoos! YEP!- sumtimes, I, just wish HE didn't trust me so much:)-

           Nope!, I'm not pitchin' a squeal! I'm , one of THE most fortunate women I know. Take, this day, for example. Now, way back when, I'd get me panties in a bunch, over a hangnail! I was the Queen, of , OH! POOR ME! And I'd take off running , another muck! As I spoke to a DEAR friend, today, I exclaimed,"I'M WARPED!" These days, I get off, doing things right?! WAZZUP????Lemme solidify this. I PRIDED MYSELF, ON DOING THINGS RADICALY WRONG, JUST TO CUM FROM BEING ABLE TO WITHSTAND THE REPRICUSSIONS! I, wreaked more haavock, than most I know, and was darn proud of it. Heavens, it proved , I was INdestructable and cunning. OR- so I thought! "IT," was MY way of making , some kinda mark, that was indellible? Whatever! Fact of the matter , IS, these days, I am finding , doing it RIGHT/WELL, ain't no F___ing joke! Granted, I still have some way to go, BUT- - - -I am succeeding in ways, I THOUGHT were inept for [me]!

           On Fathers' Day, I accepted, Alan over, and did my ultimate best to provide all the luxuries I could. As , like a Fevor, 4 him, he {as usual } railed me with a most degrading array of SLAYS! Quite different than earlier in my life, I simply absorbed it, and, replied, ":) THANKS, Do you wish CHEESE on yer Burger?" GOD, forgive me, but I became orgasmic, in how , with sly honey, I CRUSHED  his attempt to belittle me:):):):):):):):)>

         Today, I called my Daddy. Whence I located him at the HOME, he revealed to me, that , the prodigal Witch, [his ex wife/my mother? ] { I've never MET my biological Mother! } was located , in the Hospice Unit! NOW!- allow me to disclose, this woman has had the reigns over him, for / from The Git GO! I , don't EVEN wish to know the reasons behind this insatiable INsanity! Still, I heard , resoundly, the worry/ache/loss, in his voice! I, "AM," his biological daughter?! YET- his priorities, since day one, rest in her!

             I find an insatiable NEED, to visit , this woman , whom detests me, LIVIDLY!          WHY?        Part of it, is selfish, on my part. I, can't see me facing a mirror, if I didn't, for , I am convinced, that she really DID, try her best. It , was because of her, that I was able to view , certain, almost unreachable visions, that, OBVIOUSLY, won't escape me. YES!- she scarred me, beyond belief. YET- I allowed it! I could have gone in hundreds of different directions! Yet, "I "chose the miserables'! Shit, Bill Cosby, didn't begin on a golden palete', yet , look at what he has accomplished?! PERHAPS- she is where I get my insane, but funny material from?! People say I'm a tripp. I f'in' KNOW I am! I'm certifiable:). But- there is a charisma about me, no matter how large, marge spreads, that seems / proves, to captivate others , all over Da place:). I'm a nut! HOWEVER, I'm a gentle, harmless entity, who's just RESOUNDLY colourful:)-

           Ya know the funny thing of this, IS, I'm not doin' so well , myself, health wise. Daddy, can't know! He's got his own servings, on his platter! Besides, I choose NOT to attend Dr's , for I don't have the time to waste, I'm all my Babes have, and they deserve a LIFE! Alan, could give a poop. THIS- is where my Faith comes in to play. THE Lord, has seen me at my worst! AND- now HE sees me doing my best. HE-, will NOT, allow me to fall! There is a laundry service, directly accross from the YMCA, where my Babes attend CAMP. NO MATTER WHAT- I will secure a job , there, and provide , even more for my children, and I don't require a DUDE, to secure it! I've HAD IT, with dudes!!!!!!!  Everytime, I set me sights on a DUDE, I , either become rampaged, OR, let down.

            I'll say this! Elton John Santos, whom I ditched, TOO, many years ago, came back into my life, for a milisecond! My heart pounded so loud, it was defening! My thoughts and dreams, took off , like a fire fly on a mission, and I became drenched with hopes andrealizations, I forgot, existed! He, appeared, in a white oxford, underneath, the VERY sculptured , undershit, which revealed all he had built up, during what I am , UNfortunately aware of, a LONG stay at PRISON! He took GREAT lengths, to chissel himself, into an ADONIS! I, was completely floored. Quite frankly, I didn't think he had it in him?! OBVIOUSLY, he DID! NOW- granted, I'm a WHOLE, lot older and broader, and he made it sound GREAT BUT- he hasn't touched base or me , since??!! As/"IF," you began this book at the begining, you'd KNOW, that it was "OUR," son, whom I paralized! Something , such as that, must weigh devistatingly , on a person. Still, it was HIS choice, to seek me, and raise my girls in his arms, as IF they were cotton balls, and ask their permission to visit them , again. I, didn't think I was THAT/THIS horrendous.

            I, MUST, find , sound JOY and gratitude, for he, DID seek/find me, and I was able to hold him, as he held me back, for a bit. His eyes, found my sumptuous gaze, and returned it, for he knows what , ALL, we are capeable of, together! There was ONCE a time, where, he went for those cigarretes, and arrived back, clad in a Leather Jacket, Levis and boots, and jumped INTO the shower , I was taking, because he couldn't wait to penetrate my perimiters! NOPE!, he did NOT UNdress! He allowed , ME, to unveil his form, wilst we were doused with bubbles and H2O! A memory, I shall NOT forclose on! "IF," you could  , just see his eyes. They are hypnotic and alluring, as well as his , STYLE, and his demenior, JUST THE WAY HE STRIDES..........Heavens! His hands are , articulate weapons of musical talent, when applied to the muscles of a guitar! Imagine, what he could strum..........anywhere , he wishes??!! His magnanomous, clad in the fists of "Pink Floyd," and from what I am told, has adopted, other decoure. I ACHE, to connect the dots! What can I say, Tats turn me on!!!!!!!! I , have one, and desire more! My, ONE, allows me to walk, MORE proud and centered. "SHE," isn't even finished , YET! SHE, is a faerie, amid a tribal vine around my ankle. HER name is "FLIT!" So is, my cursor.

          Goodness me, I must stop, HOWEVER, I thank you, for permitting me to voice what I harbor inside. "IF," there is anyone, whom wishes to foot the bill for the Sprite, which I wish to reside upon the small of my back, LEMME' KNOW,  at! Happy 19th day of June...

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