Wednesday, November 7, 2007

A Healthy Dose of Realization!

 Leaf Pile Angel 3Have you ever noticed, something to observe, that you forgot, even to look for?  Well, I have, more than twice! Sometimes, I feel foolish, that  {ME OF ALL PEOPLE } how could I have missed it?  But, I am learning, that these are my growing pangs and reasons to be proid of myself, for finally seeing it:)

                A phase of transformation, has come about, for me. To be Painfully honest with you, I USED to find the delight of sex, a luxury that I didn't wish to go without! In my opinion, I feel, it wasn't just the act of intimacy, BUT- the pleasure of being enveloped by another, whom didn't wish to be without me. That WONDERFUL connection between TWO, that was not only pleasurable, but, void filling!!

           Today, for me, it ain't nuthin' but a thang :)-   I have graduated to finding , even DEEPER joy, in footing the bill of being NEEDED / DESIRED and APPRECIATED by my Children! { who knew? } LOL-             SURE, I don't have a physical organism, BUT- Even Better, I have a soul felt ONE!  I have been Blessed, to witness, Growth and maturity betwixed them, and know for a sound fact, that, "I HELPED!"  THIS, 2 me, has Much More panache', that a roll in the hay, could EVER produce:).

                Since Thanksgiving, is nearing, and , of Course, CHRISTMAS...perhaps I , too, am progressing , in which to view life, in a more precious fashion??!!!

        Allow me to give you an example. Ashley, my nearest older one, for QUITE some time, was addicted to what others , { so she thought } THOUGHT of her. BUT- she took note, in a backwards kind of way. The begining of THIS year, she has begun her Jr High School, scenario ' placement. Peoples, lemme tell you, I was Freaked, for I seriously didn't think she was going to be able to swing it, due to the monumental REadjustment, that would HAVE to take place. Thankfully, I was WRONG:). I am still in happy shock, that she shed one skin, for another, with great ease and properness!

                 Megan, is still wrestleing a bit, with the scene of GRADE attendance, and less of a NEED to be more grown, HOWEVER, she is, also, blossoming, quite well:). Her report card, shown her FIRST 'A!' She, was ellated!! As well, as, it wasn't in Art or GYM:)- It, was in SPELLING!  I danced a JIG!! and so did she:)

                 We have adopted ANOTHER  cat!  His name is 'Rascle.' A friends Mom, threw she, her THREE Children, and Rascle, OUT! She found a place, BUT- they did't accept anmimals:(:(. Therefore, she was going to have to relinquish this beautiful beast, to the S.P.C.A., which , since he's a more grown beastie, would , most likely, be put to sleep, 4 rarely, do people wish to adopt larger kitties. { they dig the babies, MORE! } HOW, COULD I SAY NO??   HE IS A DELIGHTFUL BABY, AND HE HAS ALL HIS SHOTS / NEUTERING, etc.! His eyes and disposition, are BOTH snuggly and magical. Today, will be his second, FULL day, with us. As each day passes, he becomes , more comfotable and elloquent, with his comfort zone, and US! The adoption of him, as well as my life, is introducing me to a NEW realm of patience and glory! For SO, long, I was convinced, there was NO hope for me. I , WAS, going to be stagnated in the mess I taught myself to be??!!! However, I AM , taking reputable turns of my existance, and, KNOWING, fool well, there is hope for me , STILL!

              It ignights my molecular being, that my Dearest Gail / Cousin / MOM, reads what I write in my book. THIS, provides her with an inside observation tower, as to what and Whom I am! Another gift, my book provides, is that IF- anyone wishes to TRY to mess with me, there is NO way, that I can make this stuff up, at the drop of a hat, and it is Continual. It IS,Proof POSSITIVE, a Journal of TRUTH, that NONE can remove! As I write from and WITH my soul, ...NO costumes may be applied!  As I BARE me, to our pages, I succumb to fits of tears, giggles, aches & pains, and absolution. I USED to be , 'A Candle In The Wind!'  Today, I AM a sound, human being, NOT PURFECT, BUT- I stand for SOMETHING, and I don't fall for EVERYTHING!

          When I did drugs and such, I Blocked the ability to Actually FEEL:(.  IF, I cannot feel, I cannot GROW! Peace be Unto...

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