Thursday, September 6, 2007

My mind running Overspill

Did you ever get to a point of existance, where, Ya just, can't shut Yer mind off? I believe, I'm there, today.

         Last night, I was blessed to spend a delightful evening, with two, Good Friends and my Babes. We cooked out, {I was blessed with ribs } and, after the Children set for bed, {School the next day }, we sat and talked , for a couple hours, about topics, which ran DEEP, within us. I, would have bet me bottom dollar, that Ya-Ya, would become irked with a few of the statements I made. BUT- the little bugger did JUST, The opposite!!  She chose to delve in, as deeply as did I, and , yet again, I realised that I , DO, have a cherished friend. It would appear, she aches, as heartily, as do I, "IF-" we let it git to us!! Her poor boyfriend, found himself in a catch 22 , situation. He could , IN NO WAY, completely decipher, NOR, difuse, the convo, and , as I periodically cast my gaze toward him, witnessed this man, becoming EXHAUSTED. SOoo, I , intricately, brought an end to the drama  Hmm 2

        They, had made a conjigal bet, the other one, would succumb to give up to a sexual encounter?!! I HAD 2 ask, "Is this some kind of torturous Foreplay?"  The answer , 'of course,' was "NO!" However, I watched her, and him, {HER MOSTLY} apply EVERY technique, to conquer the other, Almost as if an award would be given?!!  I've known Ms, Ya-Ya, for quite some time, and , never as much as these days, have come to understand, she has an insatiable desire, to be able to claim the ART of seduction! It seems to inflate her, completely, as she watches her victim, buckle at the knees, whilst she applies her strongest , Most alluring qualities. SHE GETS OFF, on squashing  her apponent. Awe, we all have our own idiocincrosies!

          WHICH, brings me to BILLY! Here is a man, I have , { for quite some time } found to allure ME! I'm a picky son of a gun!! He's , fuck it, Ya'll know the jist! Yet, a more gentle, hard working man, aside from Trone, have I ever found, whom FITS so well with me:( Eating Pie  Lollipop  Miss U SOOOOoooooo, I find myself at a loss, wondering WHY, he has NO time / desire, to remain with me, so that we may snuggle lifes' hardships, away, FOR ALWAYS?!! I, applaude, his dedication, to his Children!!  I wish , NOT, to prevent the attachment, JESUS, why would I? I feel the SAME way about MY Cherubs!!!!!!!! As a matter of fact, some of his Children, find me to be , pretty cool. {nowordalie }!!   This man, travels, periodically, MILES AND MILES, simply to talk with, and sometimes kiss me! Billy brought me a 'PIXIE" plant! I, simply spoke of how nice it would be, if he picked me a Daisy, one , three times. I happened to mention, how I appreciated if he were to pull my hair a bit, as we kissed. HE DID IT! I happened to mention, I ,L-O-V-E having my back clawed nicely. HE DID IT! dO YOU see WHAT i MEAN? His gentle desire to place a smile , on my face / heart, is MEZMIRIZING! As well as, I'd dig nothing more, than to put a few EXTRA dryer sheets, as I did his work clothes,just to remind him, he IS appreciated. His 'wife,' is a somewhat, BADGER! She dictates at him, and awaits to confiscate his paycheck?!! YEAH! I KNOW, he's married Embarrassed  Blushy . It's N-O-T my style!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yet there IS, something awefully Beautiful, betwixt US! A Magic such as THAT, can NOT be ignored.

          Please allow me to give you an example. I, 2, am still married to a man, whom HATES my soul! He lives elsewhere, and always will!! He asked me for a divorce, I lollygagged for a sec, THEN, called him, and said, "YES SIR!" He told me , all I had to do was sign the papers, and we'd be done. I REJOICED at the papers arrival! Two months later, I called , and asked , where in Heaven they WERE?! The response I got, was, "YOU are GOING to have to pay for them!" THIS, is from the man, whom the State, T-A-K-E-S $111.23 , per week, from his paycheck, the one where he make $13.98 per hr., and, whom hasn't the gumption nor LOVE, to call, request, consider his Children, at ALL! I'M SUPPOSED to aquire ALL they need, by myself, on #111.23 a week, AS WELL AS, foot the bill for the divorce HE requested.?!And he SAYS "I," am the strange one. And Ya know something? NEVER once, did I ask Billy for a CENT! NOR will I!

        Iv'e HAD my verbal ejaculation. The Moody Blues, are playing, "Nights In White Satin," and I find myself, done speaking. "Just what I'm going through, they just can't understand."

         My Beautiful, cousin Gail, whom lost her LOVE to Cancer, used to touch base with me, a lot. I am under the impression, perhaps I hurt her, in some way, for she  seems to have THROWN herself into a continuation of her life, and I fear, I haven't bestowed ENOUGH to her?!! She's In Mexico, I, am in Penna.! Our secured connection, is the Web. I have sent her many things, HOPING, she'd find solace from them / me, but, I feel I have fallen short. I , simply PRAY, she Knows , beyond the shadow of a doubt, how she makes me feel Centered, loved, needed.

          i AM, making progress. TOO, many times, I doubt me, and , I ALMOST allow the devil to skrew with my mind Duh  Thumbs Down  Thumbs Down , However, As I KEEP my eyes, Focused on JESUS, the little assholians , Just, Can't mutilate me. Neither can I, WELL, not TOO badly:) I STILL find myself, to BE, my OWN, worst enemy. Besides, I have found a Friend, whom Adores JESUS, as much as do I, and she continues to E-Mail me, daily, as I do her. If I REALLY WAS, a reject, she'd NOT complete my / OUR connection. Char, has provided me, with LOVING sends and acceptance, and I am PROUD of portions of ME, that attract someone of her magnitude.

          LAST snigglette- my friend , Lynda, has asked me to be her sponsor. She is IN recovery from alcohol, and entrusted to share this journey , with me Kisses ?!! I, am HONORED, AND scared, for THIS is MUCH reponsibility!!  I wish NOT to fail. All I can do , is share from my Heart and Soul. WHICH, Belongs to JESUS! PLEASE, Pray for us ALL, Including yourself Lips !

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