Did ya EVER?

Did ya ever believe, ya hit your toe, off of something, and, MOST UNDOUBTEDLY, it was going to HURT?

            And , then , RIGHT afore you said, "OUCH," you realise it didn't hurt at all??????????????  SOOOOoooooo, you giggled . And realized, it didn't hurt a bit??!!!!

WHAT A TRIPP.

          tHE DAYS OF MY LIFE , HAVE BEEN GROWING, STRANGER, EACH AND EVERYONE OF 'EM!  awe fuck it, i hit the wrong key. {{OR DID I??}}

         "Don't you know, you are a shooting a star," is on, NOW! Two friends, I have thought of , deeply, for MANY years, J-U-S-T crossed me path! 

          I HAD to enscribe this afore I went to plat in the yard !!  Yesterday, my Old amd KIND friemd, , was placed at the checkpout counter , directly , ahead of me! As she turned to leave, she struck my eyes' ,l and said ," Don't I know you?" I responded, quietly, "YES, just give ne a sec, and we can speak."  I NEEDED that break to TRY to muddle through  what i was going to say to her.

          THIS PERSON, was KT!  I have her artwork, hung, throughout my housES, from day #1!

         NEXT, I'm toying with me My Space, and another , old Friend , broke the ice and left me a send??!!!!   {do i have to say much more, here?} What, in GODS' name, is going ON? I shall tell you , IF or when, Tazra returns my response.

         I , FEEL, it's a GREAT time to putter in the garden! Weather is GREAT, and so are me nerves. N-O-T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  LOL   Love ya-

          

 

      

No matter what SEEMS , destructive, turns about!

   "Lil Bit," Dayna Feola, Finally called me.

                  THIS woman, , I met, whence I HAD to reside in, { what I CHOSE to call, 'Shea Lackawanna,'} It's the county jail.    I had the  oportunity, to usher her 18th Birthday, in with her, whilst in h-e-l-l?!!  We, became kind friends. { do NOT get stupid!!}  My husband, decided , NOT TO send me finances, to buy coffiee/stamps/ ETC>! SOOOOOoooooooo, she helped me, as best she could, as i drew envelopes for the other inmates, so as to raise neccessities.

         She allowed the deevil to take her down, again, after she got out, and left us, for 11 months:(  SHE'S BAAAAAAAAAAAACK:). Her mind, is REaligned, and she sought the Girls and I.

         I, am THRILLED...for I have a sound stauture , in order , for her to draw from. I am , SO proud of her! her parental units, are plagued with addictions and lunacy. THIS TIME, she's VIGILANT, to pull HERSELF, up by the bootstraps MAKE IT!    Personally, I am reaching a space, where I can HELP her 'Break The monsters BACK!'

          Basicaly, it's in GODS' Hands! However, since I AM progressing...there's a chance I actually CAN , be of assist??!!! 

         It was a TOTAL thrill, to speak with my Friend, Again! We have Plans, and dreams , filled with HOPES!

          Without this BOOK of ours, I'd become STUCK:(. It is THE- Ultimate Blessing, in which to share and inner-most thoughts, without bugging everyone, and paying for it, as well.  Peace be unto...

              

Life is a TRIPP...

Where to begin, escapes me!  SOOOOoooooo, I'll simply begin.

     ""Here Comes your nineteenth,nervous Breakdown."" I've known this Dude, for , quite some time. His name is , 'Bob.'  He'sa VERY , gentle man, and his bank account is even MORE gentle. LOL- Yet, he is a hard woerker, and a NON violent soul, whom whould give ya the shirt from his back, if ya needed!

          I've been introduced too his Mom and Dad, ''family,'''as well. They seem to find me, {O.K.}.

         Last Sunday, the Girls and I, invited him to Church, with us. He, accepted, whilst , ALMOST breaking out in a rash of nerves??!!!   None the less, he WENT!  He was welcomed like he was a saint, and he , actually dug it!!

           He, even HEARD a soulfelt message, he secludedly required to HEAR! He wishes to be INCLUDED , this coming Sunday??!!!

           His parents, are quite taken by the Girls and myself, as well.

        HERE- I-S, the wrench! I find him, delightful. HowEVER- I am STILL married.  And , at this point in my life, I can't , EVEN ponder a sexual partnership! At 44 yrs. old, I'm not even frisky, these days. I feel like I am slighting him, even tho he is NOT pressing for it??!!! What the plop is wrong with me??

            It, MAY BE, that , I have contracted High Blood Preassure,ovarian cancer and an Anurism in me brain??!!!

         Thank you. I , simply HAD to git this OUT. I, shall continue to orchestrate the facts, more prominently. at a later date. At this time, I'm exhausted. Peace...

I , THOUGHT, I was gonna die!

  Don't know, exactly, where to begin??!!!  The last 9 days, I contracted head-Aches, like I've NEVER , encountered , afore!

           My Friend, suggested, I have me blood pressure taken. {so i did}. 175/118!!!!!!!!  Holy Hobinieros. I sound like my Daddy. I, was , also, given a mind scan! Looks like, I , also, have anurisms?!! Must be all them damn drugs, I ingested. For MOST of my , existance, I figured, I was INdestructable. Silly me...

            Funny part of it, IS- for the FIRST TIME, in my life, I have EVERYTHING to LIVE 4!! I 'spose , 'Mother Nature,' has a Dandy sense of humor.

           WHY, am I sharing this, with you? BECAUSE- I'm hoping, before you get all , caught up in stupdity, Ya GOTSTA realise, N-O-N-E of us, REALLY know the cool stuff, that awaits us, in our futures! Yeah, SURE- there seems like , Ya'll have NOTHING to LIVE for, as ya grow UP??!!!  PLEASE, don't git fooled! NONE OF US, are aware of the nifty stuff, that lies, ahead!

           P-E-A-C-E...

It's , just me...

          There came, a time in my existance, where I was SnowBalled, with these observations, that threw me 4 a LOOP!  It's 4:50 A.M., and , since I chose to go to bed, Early, Mind kicked into OVER Drive, and I ,R-A-N, to me pooter!  Pardon. I detest IRAN!! Let's Git-R-Done , THIS way. I, LEPT, to me computer.

                 For REAL, fer real, I SHOULD be SOUND, asleep! But...

          IF- ANYone thinks , for a moment, that, there isn't a GOD/JESUS/HOLY SPIRIT- Yer foolish! There have NEVER { that's pig wash } been MORE, Sound P-R-O-O-F, that JESUS exists! Steming back to me begining pages , I'm STILL kickin'! I, SHOULD have been Squashed, LONG , ago.

            Due, To, the internet, {{ which, at ONE point, I threw daggers at}} , I have made Friends, that ARE, substantial, and LIFE giving. 'THEY,'- wouldn't KNOW me, IF we fell over one another! STILL- this CRAZY communicative device, has, Actually, placed me in the Graces, of perhaps, 11 People. For , some STRANGE reason, I enhance their inner Qualities, as well.

            Isn't it ODD, that one has better ability, to address, topics, 'WHEN' one does NOT need do it ;"Face 2 face??!!!" 'GO' figure??!!!

                        REPORT CARDS- arrived. PLOP OFF- Yeah, I just realized, I had logged THIS, afore. me Babes, pulled 'em UP<3{that is a throbbing heart ,<3}

            I, NEED to say, something. In the days I did the drug thingy, 'Twas ONLY- by , "JESUS " Grace, i was allowed to keep them as me Daughters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  THESE days, I am STILL, Searching for , substantial REASON. For, TODAY- it's frequenting, on UTTER amasement, as HOW' I continue togo forward??!!!

                 

              Yesterday, I tended to the front of 'OUR HOUSE!' Me back , was in, EXCRUSHIATING pain! STILL , I kempt UP, and "Got-R-Done!"      I , AM- feeling the pangs!

         Please- - I /We, reside, in a Rural area, where-EVERYONE has 'OODLES,' of $$ ! I, have observed, that MOST, write a check/card, "Personally, I do me OWN,"in which to have their yards, prepared, for The Spring, that wishes to Actualy ARRIVE.   YET- with VERY , little $$, but a Heart that BEATS, like a Faeries wings in Flight, I , Also, have noticed, 1 OR 2 , become jealous of me progress??!!! "WHAT, a tripp"

                    IF, I M-A-Y, it's QUITE absurb, BUT, I, C-H-O-O-S-E, to speak with GOD! Funky, THO... The MOST, comfortable Place , in which to do SO, 4 me, seems to be in the Bathroom! Please , allow me to explain. During me drug years:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(, THAT- is where I should have deceased!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i SHOT more STUPID STUFF, in the throws of the bathroom! When I say 'shot,' I , mean, into me veins! 'From little -Ville, I detested to HAVE to get a needle??! To be Honest with Ya- the way i looked at life, had NOTHING to do with JESUS!

              As well as you, IF, it weren't for JESUS, whom put up with a LOT , I'd have 'NO," redemption! Fucking, TELL ME, Ya'll never frigged UP, 'ROYALY??!!!' THIS MAN, was RAILED!

      There was this sermon, in Our Church, where , we were given, the nails, ETC.- so that we may SERIOUSLY , contemplate, what JESUS, gave for us! "When they asked me to place the 'STAKE,' ...I 'WEPT,' and reclaimed my seat , in the pews. FINALLY, Realising, how much of a bonehead, i AM!

             I, am Blessed with, a Super-Natural provsion, I {AM} aware of the ability to F-E-E-L, S-E-E, things, that TOO many , forget to ENvision. THE, first time, I was Shown this Grace, was-when I was home from a 'Boarding School,' I was panned off to. {PLEASE- don't get me wrong } I stepped into a World, I had NO, Idea, existed. However, since they mailed me, I chose to LEARN, how to smoke??!!!  YET- as I returned HOME, for a spell, I desired a cigarrette.  SOOOOOoooo, I decided to light up, in me Closet. 'A' Resound FEELING, came upon me, {PUT IT OUT}, still, I cast the FEELING??!!! 

               SILLY ME!

I, was BUSTED!

                  Marilyn, smoked, from the time she became conscience, 'till she couldn't hold her eyes, OPEN! WISH to Know something? For '2' L-O-N-G, I attempted to KILL her! I, could NOT stand her. HOWEVER, due to her passing, from Cancer,,I find myself, REALISING, that the Woman , was in GREAT, Mental pangs!

        'IF,' I was Charles Gerchov, and I cast my gaze, { and she said 'YES.'} I'd have been "DIE HARD," in adoring her, as well! OH- by the way, "Charles Philip Gerchov, " IS, my Daddy! He has passed ON. BUT- I am , and ALWAYS WILL BE, his little Girl.

              Marilyn- we were TOTALY , opposite.

   I, believe, I have conveyed, ENOUGH, at this time!

                  Each, and EVERY day, MORE is UNfolded toward us! It's ALL, on how one LOOKS at it!

It's just ME!

Please, allow me to schpeal!  From time to time, No matter what I do RIGHT, I , somehow feel I'm going , backwards.

             Ya'll KNOW- I was a definate skrew up, fer a lot of Years! Well, I've NOT become LESS odd! I just do it on PURE air! I , gotta be ME!

         Ryans Mommie, called , 'Children and Youth,' on me! They, are scheduled to Grace our Home, on Monday, between 3:30 and 4ish. THE, kewl THING, "IS," I have NOTHING to hide! I'm 44 years old, raising TWO, Beautiful Children, on me own.  MY BAD- OTHERS H-E-L-P!

                I got a craw in me Head! I, decided , today, to GO to "Burger King," to bless MY Children , with a S-H-A-K-E.  Ryan, works there. WE, conducted , ourselves, as Christian people. He was cordial. AND- I got to speak with those , whom I USED to WORK with. I left there, on SOLID ground, we coincided , Wonderfully.

           Megan, took a Field Trip, TODAY. She and her Classmates, got to go to the Circus! PEOPLES- lemme tell Ya, they Raked in the fun! My Husband, was the ONE, whom laced her with finances, in which to BUY stuff!! He STOOD by HER!  Despite the REALITY, that he is Fading into AIR!:(

           WISH, to KNOW- something?! I, spent MUCH of my latter Years, Castorating my past circumstances.  It has NOTHING to DO with what was! The SHIT,  canNOT excell one.  THE, Only thing it can do, is BURRY the poor slob! I, ALLOWED it to DO, Exactly THAT!

               It's A-L-L, on how you VIEW it! This , 'POOR ME,' CRAP, doesn't mean PLOP! Get over it! I BEG OF YOU! There is SOOOOOOOOOooo MUCH more, that you have to offer!

              When we went to 'Burger King,' for the shakes, RYAN, was working. He, conducted himself, Properly. He , EVEN smiled amd connected with our eyes!!  I, PRAY for him! His UPbringing, was , at the LEAST, ODD! His Mommie is , what she is. VODKA, nibbled up her mind:(. She's , sumwhat sober, at the moment. She eats VICODINE, like it's going outta STYLE??! BUT- 'tis NOT my buisness. I, WISH- I could have a pain reducer ! I , haven't a Dr.! I, can't afford one. MY, body is made of metal, and bone, with a soul, that BEATS like a Purple Rain.

           There ARE days, I canNOT move:(.  THAT- "IS," where JESUS comes in. She attempted to KILL me, AND my Children. WE STAND TALL. Due to my Physical conflict, I CONDUCTED a SOUND , OVERhaul, of Our House, and 'Children and Youth, 'can ONCE AGAIN, S-E-E, that we ARE doing the Best that We CAN!

           Lynda Rivera, requires to look at The WHOLE picture, afore she attempts to USE and ABUSE! Her Son, conducted himself, like a Person. Perhaps, she should , as well??!!!

LIFE, IS a tripp!

At 44 years of age, I am STILL , able to become mezmirised!

            Today, I bought stuff for the house, AND ME!  Yeah- I even got some 'dye' for me roots:) {spining, laughing head!}

              Tha kitties are sound and equipped. There is ENOUGH food/nibbles, untill the stamps arrive:):). AND, my OLDEST Daughter, is , at THIS moment, composing a tale on paper, that, {from what she has shared and written, so far} ROCKS!  They SAY, the accorn, doesn't fall TOO far from the tree?! What a DElight, as I observe her pumpin' it out! She EVEN cut OFF the Television! {my suggestion} However, she did NOT hesitate. She , has JUST brought in the finished persona!  Her name, signed at the bottom, was a Double of the way 'I' would have characterized my letters??!!! This shit is begining to tripp me OUT! I am NOT sure if I am doing Properly, or- if i am cascading her into MY domaine of ''oddness?'' What to do, what to do.

            "I," am a character! Yeah, so friggin' WHAT, that I quit drugs & stuff. I'm STILL M-E!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm an altercated LUNATIC, with a HUGE Heart and a mind , 'I' canNOT figure out. SOOOOoooo, AM I doing the best for these Girls?!

            In order, to assist another, and to earn $$, I have left MANY people, to , periodically stay at my /OUR House. To be Quite Honest, it was more Head-ache, than neccessary!  The LAST , was a Dude. He was an Exceptionally gifted / Beautiful one , of age 23. 

        If you will REcall, I spent FOUR, agonizing months, in the slammer, meself! THIS- is where I met his mother. Therefore, she called to ask me, whether or not, I could house him for THREE WEEKS?!! He is on House Arrest. Therfore, a box was included, and I, was SUDDENLY, restricted to 14 min. phone calls! IF- I went over, it was Quite noisey , on EACH of the sender/recipients EARS!

         NOW, this young man, has a mind, like a STEELE TRAP! From what I can gather, his B-A-D, was obtaining a stolen Computer from some other person. From what I gathered, he spoke to the Police, and stated it's 'HOTNESS'! They ASKED him to give the name of the seller, and he refused to state!

           IF- anyone, knows THIS game... Ya don't SAY Diddly! Therefore, he was incarcerated. SOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo, I accepted the housing Detail. Whence, he FIRST, Arrived, he was properly elloquent. I jacked him up, when I found , that he located work at , 'Burger King.' {{I used to work THERE}} To be VERY Honest, I am NOT, at ALL, surprised, that he is STILL doing fabulous!

          B-U-T, then came the happenings. TAX returns, came hither. I provided the bills, Bodaceously. I had an Xtra $100. He spoke and said, he had a friend, whom could Shampoo, our rugs, for that cost! I, presented him with the money. FOUR AND A HALF WEEKS, went by, and I sounded my DISpleasure. PLEASE, allow me to have me $$ BACK, and I, shall go to 'Price Chopper,' and Shampoo on me own! "can't do that, Tony has the $$, and I can't locate him!"

            I left it go fer a sec. T-H-E-N- he was rough housing with my Children, and , MEGAN, whom is my MIRACLE Child, gone through "7" brain surgeries, and has a 'SHUNT!' He S-T-E-P-P-E-D on her HEAD, and then sat on her! She , ran SCREAMING, to me, Hysterical, and there were witnesses! He saaaaaaaaaid, he did NOT! BUTT!

           I gave him the chance to,,,NOPE!

   The Crowning , WAS- since I've been doing his laundry/opened my house to him / ASKING HIM, Please, do NOT leave the T.V., o-n ALL night, and NOTHING was digested, upon Easter Sunday , approaching, I chose to END his stay! I called the proper regimines.

The F-U-C-K, if my babes and I , were gonna git stuck with his aarogant ass, all weekend! I, didn't give a poop, whether his arms were bigger than me legs! SOOOOooooo, I called it. NEXT THING- his Mama, calls , SCREAMING this, that and the Other thing at me. I hung up!

              Make a tale , shorter, he came to obtain his property. ALL- was washed and dryed. Nicely placed in CLEAN bags, and placed in the yard. I locked the doors, and went to obtain my Children, from The Y.M.C.A.! After, we arrived home, doors STILL locked, he bangs, and says, "I need to git my BOX!" I allowed him in, and, after he claimed his 'House Arrest Box,' he began to state HORRIBLE statements toward me. "What did you do to your Son?" "The reason you can't git a man or Freinds, is because your fat and Ya have no teeth!" "I'm calling Child Services , because Yer a drunken junkie!!"   FOR THE FIRST TIME-I kept my mouth shut, and Closed the door.

         He has Sensitive skin. Due to THIS- he requires a $14.00 RAZOR, that vibrates, in which to shave with. I , bought him 1! He , required socks, I got some!

            N-O-W, YES, I drink beer at home, periodically. I haven't shot ANYthing into my VEINS, in YEARS!, and if ANYONE, wishes to test me, they shall obtain 'Aquafina!'

            T-E-S-T Me! THINK , I will pay 4 it? N-O-T!   What he and his cockeyed Mom, refuse to UNDERSTAND, is- I have more consequential back up, to my mechanism / LIFE, than they , could EVEN ponder! Dunmore isn't a JOKE! For REAL, fer real, 'I' was the JOKE , to have tried to assist! Because, I am NOT rich, BIG deal.

           The Beautiful Thing IS... WE- Are a Church Family, and , simply  THAT! My Husband, canNOT , even tear me down. THAT, is why he can't stand me:) I used to be a fool Junkie! I, said NO! and I stayed that way. So- Ryan, Lynda, sorry I couldn't help more. PEACEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. It's NOT my fault.